Unlikely Weapons

My camera is borrowed and poorly returned, ie it has not yet.
But I made these not that recently ago and now you can look at shitty webcam pictures of them

I AM A THOUGHT EATER GRR

GRR AM A TROLL

AND I AM ALL WIGHT

YAY PIGGY BACK RIDES (you are a down a level mr troll)

THAT WAS FREAKING EXCITING NO?

Anyway here are some quick weapon ideas for esoteric/exotic/just plain goofy weapons for your sinister underworld raiders or jaded whimsy-knights of a twilight empire of sin and body paint.


THE DANCER
it's a giant spinning top with lacerating ribbons.  About half metre in height, the lacerating ribbons only emerge at when it reaches its range (skilled user chooses up 10 metres away) Exotic training means it always comes back to the trained user. It inflicts 1d8 damage to a 5 foot area (dex save for none) then moves next round to another area ( via scatter diagram) and then returns on the 3rd.
Untrained use means in a complete random direction. If you use it in at least 10 battles you count as skilled in  its use when you gain a level. Or whatever weapon training rules you may or may not have.
Can be used as a Meteor Hammer as well.


other versions include The Nipper which are fist sized spinning tops with razor edges. Resolve a normal attack  (inflicting 1d4 damage) on anyone up to 15 metres away then pick any spot up to its max range where it will explode for 1d8 damage (dex save for none) in a 1.5 metre radius.

and the SMILING CHAIR
which is one big enough to ride on. Riding on it means you move 1d6 metres in a random direction and then 1d6 metres in another direction each round. It inflicts 1d12 damage on anyone in it's path (dex save for none)

MADMAN'S LANCE
I'll be straight with you, this is a weaponized pole for pole vaulting. It is made from something like metal but more like wood, 3 metres long and sharp at the ends, its resilience and flexibility gives it a dangerous snap in the hands of some insane enough to use it on a regular basis. 1d6 piercing or blunt damage at mid range, but 1d8 piercing or 1d10 blunt if used on opponents just within reach. If used to pole vault with, it extends the length and height of the wielder by 5 metres. Attempting to impale someone on landing counts as a charge and additionally the lance does 1d12 (piercing) damage but roll twice and take the best result.

FLYING GUILLOTINE
Counts as thrown weapon and does a d8 damage, but on a natural 20 it does a d20 damage.
A what?
Question; why did Neu not make all their music like that?
I don't know. I really really don't.

SLUNG SHOT:
Basically a rock on a rope. A short section of rope with a heavy object held in place with a monkey's fist knot (or a real monkeys fist because magic)  Either used by swinging it around or coiling it in a tight spiral and then snapping it out. The later use made it very popular as a sudden attack concealed weapon. You can
have all nice all coiled up in a pocket or your sleeve and then snap it right into someones face. Popular with Sailors, Chinese Peasants, and Irish immigrants. Basically anyone  not allowed a real weapon.
Fantasy variants could include dangerous monster organs at the end or just a real monkeys hand that latches onto your face and pulls it off.

DOG GUN
This is a dog warped by strange magics until it looks like a prolapsed tumor  It can shoot forward a harpoon tongue up to 10 metres away. 1d8 damage plus your charisma modifier, coz if the dog likes you it does a better job at attacking things.  You use your charisma modifier instead of your dex to hit stuff as well.
This is assuming you are feeding it, and cooing creepily to it. You are cooing creepily to it aren't you?

GAS POWERED STICK:
This is a club with an implausible engine attached to it. It uses about a litre of gas per 5 rounds of gas powered stick action. It acts as club +1 and you get an additional attack per round.
If petrol is not available it will accept any flammablish liquid(ish) but it become more unstable.
Pure alcohol , meths , turpentine or burning oil means it goes haywire on a 1. Lamp oil or high percentage alcohol means it goes haywire on 1,2  Raw fat, butter, beer, or coconut oil means it goes haywire on 1,2,3
Putting a random potion means it inflicts the effects of wand of wonder upon impact then expodes a round later for 2d8 points of damage in 3 metre area.

Gaspowerstickhaywiretable:
1d8
1:explodes,as above
2:fills the room with choking black smoke, con sav or be stunned, visibility impaired
3:resolve an attack on everyone within reach
4:as above but resolve one on your self as well.
5:Resolve a d4 attacks on yourself
6:Gaspowered stick rockets out of your hand in a random direction , and then explodes on impact.
7.Gaspowered stick emits a puff of smoke in pathetic manner, works never more.
8.As above but 1d6 rounds later roll again on this table.

MERCYS SHADE:
It's a weaponized umbrella, made out of fancy arcane metals. It can be a shield or a staff, you can deflect one projectile with a successful dex save by open it quickly. It also arrest a fall to a gentle descent if held aloft open.

SCREAMING SKULL
It's animate screaming still kinda flesh skull on the end of staff. It screams whenever it is used, which causes a morale check the first time it is used. Damage is a d8+1 from impact and the skull taking bites out of the target.