DISPLACERKLAUS IN THE MYSTERY OF THE DISPLACERKLAUS

THWUMP. OH LOOK AT THAT IT IS A D104 TABLE OF POCKET CONTENTS, EXPLANATIONS, PLOT DEVICES, CLUES, LANDMARKS AND SETPIECES
If the first roll doesn't make sense just keep rolling and combining the results until an ungodly mess results?  TIS THE SEASON FOR UNGODLY MESSES! 

1. Upside down castle 
2. Bowl of brains 
3. Rogue Glacier 
4. Oversized key 
5. Crude desperate map 
6. Candles 
7. Shark's teeth 
8. Wooden sword 
9. Ghosts 
10. Frozen lake 
11. Old Coins 
12. String 
13. Cup of wine 
14. Manta rays 
15. Barbed leather 
16. Clock tower 
17. Melted Sand Dunes 
18. Misshapen faces 
19. Owls 
20. Lists 
21. Whispering poison 
22. Implausible pits 
23. Firetraps 
24. Bee people 
25. Hungry Streets 
26. Wind machine 
27. Dark engine 
28. Very old people 
29. Ill stars 
30. Slime Princess 
31. Child gangs 
32. Vomiting statues 
33. Bored angels 
34. Boiling water 
35. Boar 
36. Tiny wings 
37. Bag of soot 
38. Shallow pools 
39. The moon 
40. Very new blood 
41. Hollow trees 
42. Barking men 
43. Needles 
44. Crone's eyes 
45. Bronze Tortoise 
46. A great drill 
47. Tar 
48. Half a mouse 
49. Gut strung harp 
50. Dried frogs 
51. Angry mob 
52. Strange Lights 
53. Tradition 
54. Strays 
55. Widows 
56. Razor Webs 
57. Directions 
58. The Tanner 
59. Snakes 
60. Snail shell 
61. Obsidian mirror 
62. Bitter seeds 
63. Bone chair 
64. Scraps of a dress 
65. Titan Arch 
66. White Coral 
67. Mud 
68. Mockery Jungle 
69. Plague House 
70. The End 
71. Withered plains 
72. Silver Road 
73. Red Sign 
74. Black Rainbow 
75. StormClouds 
76. Chain 
77. Heart 
78. Flies 
79. Bakers 
80. King's Grave 
81. Golem's script 
82. Pig's tail 
83. Tin Crown 
84. Echo 
85. Knapped Flint 
86. Spices 
87. Squid Beak 
88. Cage Door 
89. Lilies 
90. Coal 
91. Spider Milk 
92. Bog Whistle 
93. Finger nails 
94. Penny Dreadful 
95. Urn 
96. Talisman 
97. Game Piece 
98. Forgotten ring 
99. Pearls 
100. Careful remembrance 
101. Mourning 
102. Pins 
103. Bells 
104. Cord 

RETURN OF DISPLACERKLAUS

HO HO HO HO
I BROUGHT YOU SOME MAGIC WEAPONS

1.Hammer Of Solutions +2 , this +2 bonus only applies when used on skill checks where a hammer is a completely daft thing to use

2.Sword of the North. Always points north

3.Handaxe of wood, chopping. It's made of wood but can still be used for chopping as a normal axe

Oh fuck are all these going to be lame punnish eye rolling garbage that used to pad up dragon and every other substandard tstr publication ?

SHHHH CHRISTMAS IS HAPPENING LITTLE ONE
I will suplex you

4.Tome Of War: it's a book on strategy that when a lever on its spine is pulled it extends a chain and teeth and then becomes pretty much a bear-trap / flail hybrid

5. Tongue gun: It's a fleshly looking tube that can be surgeryed  into your tongue so you can shoot poison darts (actually teeth that start growing in your tongue) from your mouth and suck up poison for the darts. With extreme care, because if the poison goes anywhere other than the tube, it's still poison

6. Arrows, Piscine Doom: These arrows turn into sharks a moment before impact

Sharks are not fish. YES BUT THEY ARE DOOM TO FISH okay yeah point HO H O HO

7. Crawling dagger: This dagger is alive and its trust and love must be earned like that of a pet. It will become soft like a large slug and crawl rapidly along your body, thus eluding any search for weapons. Also if it has tasted someone's blood and you know their name you can send it after them to crawl down their throat and cause vast internal ruin

8. Morning Star, Luciferous: This is made of some kind of fantasy magnesium that acts like steel except  you can light the head of it and it burns really hot and bright but will be consumed after 3d6 rounds.
Pretty sure that is a tautology . And do you mean ball and chain morning star or a spikey mace morning star . THE BALL AND CHAIN ONE BECAUSE THOSE ARE GRAND AND DON'T PRETEND YOU CARE ABOUT TAUTOLOGY 
9.Pestle of Gore: This is large pestle that can be used as a tetsubo. As a coup de grace action you can reduce any corpse within reach into a conventionally necromatically unusable paste 

Down From The Chimney His Sack Burst Forth

Manticore is nearly here. Manticore brings people the things they dare ask for. DISPLACERKLAUS  however just brings shit no-one asked for.

no but seriously I'm doing this thing and I hate it and I'm not allowed to go on rambling incursions of pure bullshiting campaign speculation until I finish this thing. I fucking hate this thing. I have included pangolins so it's getting better.

For now DISPLACERKLAUS will fill in for me

H O HO HO I AM  DISPLACERKLAUS AND I'M NOT QUITE WHERE YOU THINK I AM 

HERE IS SOME VERY GOOD 

RPG TITLES

INFINITY PIG

Rod-Harvest

Melancholy in Sodom

Japes and Jackalweres

ManyGnome

The Bright Beast That Was

Devil's Bigness

Acclaims and Adverses 

Bogs and Bogs and Mud

Tome of Feuds

Ripe Tower

Hellbard

DIRTYPOOR

Night's Black Bosom 

Zharkz

Unbounded

Special Lady of War

Woeful Pits

Squalid Depths

Mad Giants Of Galaxy

REEKS OF MARS

PlagueWulves of the Unearth 

The Humongous 

what else do you have DISPLACERKLAUS?

RHYMING STUFF WITH ANIMAL NAMES TO MAKE MONSTERS!

A RANDOM TABLE

wow that is truly unwanted

1 Pikepike!

that is the first one and already it doesn't rhyme and some else made that joke

H O H O HO HO I STEAL AND LIE

2 Spear Bear!

3 Fog Frog!

4 Road Toad!

5 Mat Cat!

none of these deserve exclamation marks DISPLACERKLAUS

6 Mocktopus!

that's more of a punning word substitution  

7.Door Boar!

8.Chisel Horse!

9. Grappling Chicken!

10. A Bag of Wet Mice!

11. 2d6 goblins

12. flour

13. Hawk Stork!

this is going well DISPLACERKLAUS, so well. What else do you have?

THIS SOCIETY MAKES THE FOLLOWING ITEMS FROM BREAD!!

1.shoes.

2.doors

3.guard dogs

4. books

5. sling stones

6. hats

7. spouse lures

8. lower intestines

9. pauldrons

10.economic system

why all these tables are fucking stupid DISPLACERKLAUS

H O H O HO HO IM REALLY SLIGHT BESIDE WHERE YOU THINK I AM

REASONS THIS GHOST IS A GHOST

1. Ironic Suicide Pact Wager Contract

2. Murdered while impersonating a corpse

3. Drunk themselves to death. Literally, stuck a straw in a vein and slurped their way to death

4. The priest gave them shit directions to the afterlife

5. Actually an animated snowman made of ectoplasm

6. Legs fell off

7. Allergic to own skin

8. Shat heart out

9. Flying machine

10. Internal burial

11. bard

that's kind of an improvement

MUSIC!

WEAPONIZED INSTRUMENTS!

fuck you

1. Tuba launches squids

2. Organ fires blazing souls

3. Violin lacerates random target when played hard enough to break strings

4. Drums that explode

5. Flute that shoot poison needles

6. Piano that has extendable hammers when keys are pressed

BUUUH I'M ALREADY SICK OF THAT

NOW FOR A MECHANIC TO RESOLVE SEX IN RPG...

HAHAHHA HAA NO, EVEN I CAN'T GIVE A PRESENT THAT UNWANTED

POINTLESS ISLANDS!

1. The island of Crying Ducks

2.  The island of spare legs

3. The island of hot snow

4. The island with an ecosystem entirely made from centipedes

5. The island of geological unlikely rocks

6. The island of the pretend wizard

7. The island of miniature brontosaurus 

8. The island with low cloud cover

9. The island with the small volcano

10. The island where people bury their shadows

11. The island with upside down trees

12. The island that rains diamond

13. The island that smells like gas

14. The island that is entirely edible

15. The island that follows you

WELLL I'M NEARLY DONE FOR THE NIGHT JUST GOT THIS MONSTER LEFT:

CIMIM :

THEY ARE  LIKE MIMICS BUT THEY ALWAYS  TURN INTO SOMETHING REALLY UNLIKELY TO BE IN THE ENVIRONMENT 

I coulda sworn Cimim's already showed up in a post. Where did you get them from DISPLACERKLAUS?

H O H O HO HO I'LL JUST SEE MYSELF OUT OR WILL I BECAUSE I'M 3 FEET TO WHERE I THINK I AM?!?!

get out

Lakes?

Big hated things that Sunk Cost Fallacy keeps me plugging away at how I loathe thee.

Much decent ideage goes off into that dark realm.

Meanwhile y'all get this crap:

This Lake Seems Fine to me:
BUT

1. No surface tension in the water. Nothing can float or swim in it.
2.Once a week it releases a killing invisible cloud of carbon monoxide
3.It connects up to a vast underground sea. Surprisingly large things can find their way into this lake
4. A Turlough lake with a ruin at the bottom. Drains and floods suddenly like the cruelest of water levels though.
5.A nearby civilization has covered up a genocide by concealing the evidence at the bottom of this lake
6. The crabs here seek out human bones to make flutes with. If they do not play these flutes , something worse rises out of the lake and rampages.
7.Evil horse live at the bottom of this lake. They can see you from the very bottom of the dark waters.
8. The touch of the waters causes monstrosity and when the moon is full a great wooden cube rises from the waters. Inside is a labyrinth, with treasure apparently, but mostly monsterized former treasures seekers who failed to make it out again before the labyrinth sank.
9.Those ducks. Actually lures on the noses of horrible frog beasts
10.Big snapper turtles with the 7 seven words that can unravel the world carved on their shells
11. Drinking of these water is the equivalent to the signing of a contract in the understanding of eldritch elemental powers. This means you have agreed use of your body by the them for a certain amount of time at a unspecified date.
12. This is where you go when you die. It's cold and it's dark and nothing happens. Everyone who has died is at the bottom of this lake.
13.This lake is where the night is kept when not in use
14.There is one giant eye at the bottom of this lake. Someone is looking for it.
15.The mouth that will swallow the sun is swimming up from the bottom of the lake. The lake is always stretching its depths so the mouth will never arrive but the lake will tire one day and become finite and the mouth will arrive
16. The only innocent things in this world are the stingless jellyfish that swim in this lake and now you have found them who else will too?