RETURN OF DISPLACERKLAUS

HO HO HO HO
I BROUGHT YOU SOME MAGIC WEAPONS

1.Hammer Of Solutions +2 , this +2 bonus only applies when used on skill checks where a hammer is a completely daft thing to use

2.Sword of the North. Always points north

3.Handaxe of wood, chopping. It's made of wood but can still be used for chopping as a normal axe

Oh fuck are all these going to be lame punnish eye rolling garbage that used to pad up dragon and every other substandard tstr publication ?

SHHHH CHRISTMAS IS HAPPENING LITTLE ONE
I will suplex you

4.Tome Of War: it's a book on strategy that when a lever on its spine is pulled it extends a chain and teeth and then becomes pretty much a bear-trap / flail hybrid

5. Tongue gun: It's a fleshly looking tube that can be surgeryed  into your tongue so you can shoot poison darts (actually teeth that start growing in your tongue) from your mouth and suck up poison for the darts. With extreme care, because if the poison goes anywhere other than the tube, it's still poison

6. Arrows, Piscine Doom: These arrows turn into sharks a moment before impact

Sharks are not fish. YES BUT THEY ARE DOOM TO FISH okay yeah point HO H O HO

7. Crawling dagger: This dagger is alive and its trust and love must be earned like that of a pet. It will become soft like a large slug and crawl rapidly along your body, thus eluding any search for weapons. Also if it has tasted someone's blood and you know their name you can send it after them to crawl down their throat and cause vast internal ruin

8. Morning Star, Luciferous: This is made of some kind of fantasy magnesium that acts like steel except  you can light the head of it and it burns really hot and bright but will be consumed after 3d6 rounds.
Pretty sure that is a tautology . And do you mean ball and chain morning star or a spikey mace morning star . THE BALL AND CHAIN ONE BECAUSE THOSE ARE GRAND AND DON'T PRETEND YOU CARE ABOUT TAUTOLOGY 
9.Pestle of Gore: This is large pestle that can be used as a tetsubo. As a coup de grace action you can reduce any corpse within reach into a conventionally necromatically unusable paste