Fixing Crap Boardgames

This post is from g+ but I am putting it here to make it plausible to find in the future


FIXING CRAP BOARD GAMES:
SPACE AND CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE SUGGESTED THE PLAYING OF BOARD GAME >> BUT YOU ONLY HAVE BULL SHIT
HOW TO FIX BULLSHIT:

MONOPOLY :
Half the money. Any time in your turn you can offer to do something (like dive roll out the window or lick the bottom of the fridge) and everyone offers some amount of money if you do it. One person can counter dare you and if their counter dare brings a higher offer of money they do the thing and earn cash. You can counter counter dare them though but any more than that and it's prob crazy.

I don't know if it makes more or less likely people to try and do dares if you got more or less money. I'm guessing yes having less money makes it more likely but I'm not 100% on that

SCRABBLE:
No board, everyone goes at the same time, over any available surface, there is a penalty for knocking other peoples words. you must refill your 7 tile hand after playing a word before playing another one.

The tile bag must stay pretty much in the place it starts. No running off with it.  You can play with it a distance away from the starting area and increase the chances of accidents.

Scoring is 1 point for words with 1-3 letters , 5 for anything else , and 20 for using 7 tiles. Or you can do it per letter or the normal way if you love counting so much. After playing a word you got to write down the word you spelt on the score pad with your name. If you forgot to do this and play another word , any one can claim that word by writing it down and their name. If someone knocks your tiles you get to write "so so and so is a dickhead" on the score sheet and that is -10 for them each time.

CARDS:
First player takes and hides a card on their body while other player closes their eyes. They have to guess where it is.  If they are right ,you remove the card and they keep it as a point. If they are wrong  it's there turn. You keep cards hidden on you until the game is over or the other player guess where they are.  Cards that are not found by the other player by the end of the game are worth 2 points each. 
If any cards cannot be found by the player that hid them , that is hilarious.
Optional rule: cards hidden on you cannot be touching another card

I mean there is heaps of fun card games but sometimes teaching them or when you just have 2 people or can't remember the rules right?

MARBLES:
players have a roll of duct tape and 5 minutes to tape as much padding as they can find to themselves. Then marbles are scattered all over the house , the lights are turned off and it's tag

TWINDLEWINKS/TIDDLEWINKS/TIDDLYWINKS : the non-twinkder player has to put their head on the ground and you try and hit them in the eye
I misspelled this but liked "twindlewinks" as a word so I'm keeping it. I don't think anyone calls it that.
HACKY SACK:
Set it on fire with methylated spirits. Also tying woollen socks together in a knot ball works. Socks with nylon work as well but they will drip molten burning plastic all the time and it's pretty average.
This is the only one of these games I have playtested. I am not responsible for myself let alone you so don't blame me for anything if you do this. 

RISK:
OMEGABOMB RISK
If both the attacker and defender roll a 6 destroy all armies at that territory and that territory. Cut out that section of the board and if you can be bothered move everything one "space" closer. If any player mentions that territory or refers to the battle more directly than the incident , drop a die onto the board. Whatever territory of theirs is nearest the die , remove it as above.
Referring  to participants/player  involved in*the incident* ,  or the if the incident occurred in the past or is yet to occur counts as referring  directly to it, triggering the above effect. . Referring to the *the incident" as anything other than "the incident" (such pluralizing it or otherwise suggesting  there is more than one or they are discrete happenings ) causes the above effect