Weapooning

 I was being shady/fucking hilarious about 3rd edition recently by referring to the above as "3rd edition
 art not aging well"
but honestly, I think it should be celebrated for pulling off (relatively) an iconic , classic but new ,and energized art direction.
Which did involve a lot of pencil diagrams done in a Leonardo da Vinci style , practical looking straps that weren't that practical because placement and sheer multitude, and fucking double weapons.

The Worst. The absolute fucking worst .

 But look, the intentions behind double weapons were good. 
Some weird shit that you could get for your character at the start that made it felt fantastic but "street level" fantastic. 
(I mean this aesthetic did wind up being called "dungeonpunk" )

 So I'm going to make my suggestions for better alternatives of "street level" fantastic

Actual Weapons:
 (the """east""" is generally the source for non-standard weapons but it's a jank if there's anomalous weapon names like "kama" or "tetsubo" in between conventionally named  guisarmes, gladius , zweihanders, arbalests , bec de corbins, dorys, javelins, bills and shillelaghs. Wait what was the point I was making?)



I guess these should/could ""balance"" via price and availability. Weapon proficiencys and specializations has never really been great so fuck that. Maybe that can be the swan song g+ hive mind secretions; a weapon proficiency system that's not character sheet busy work or build fodder.

Francesa:
it's a throwing axe but it bounces  alarmingly when it misses due to its weird protuberances,  according to several youtubers and a history channel show. That's good enough for me , I mean ring mail was a thing in d&d for a while right?
Mechanically its a throwing axe that on a miss resolves a new attack (with no modifiers) on a random opponent within half the range the axe was thrown.


3 section staff:
This is straight up kung fu weaponry but look I don't even follow my own rules and you think I'm going to make it the end of this without including a tetsubo you are new here.
3 section staffs are batshit ,so the fumble range is 1-2 instead of 1. On the result of a fumble it always inflicts its unmodified damage on the user in addition to whatever else happens. However when attacking with a 3 section staff , the attacker ignores any dex or shield modifiers to the armour class of whoever they are attacking. Its damage is a 1d8 (assuming staves are doing a d6)

Sword catchers:
Including Sai and Jitte here, as well as all the fancy looking renaissance ones.
Counts as shield when fighting an opponent with a melee weapon.  Additionally the opponent is  disarmed if they roll a 1,2,3 on their attack roll against the user of the sword catcher (If they roll a 1 they also fumble). Does damage as a dagger  

Falx:
Like a  2-handed sword but with ambitions of being an axe . Damage as 2 handed axe or sword, but if it hits and rolls minimum for damage , a shield, piece of armour or regular weapon being used by the opponent is damaged.

Plumata:
There's been darts floating around d&d for awhile and no-ones sure if they were meant to be literal darts,kunai ,  mini-javelins , or these "lawn dart" things called plumata. If they were meant to be plumata the rate of fire seems a bit odd (3 per round for 1st edition if I remember correctly)
These ones do a d4 , have a shorter range than other throwing weapons but can be lobbed directly above a group of 3 or more. 
In which case a random member of the group takes the damage from it (with no attack needed)



Ball and Chain:
I saw these on Ultimate warrior and they looked  like a right laugh. It's like throwing like a non-chomping chain chomp.
Make an unmodified attack roll against everyone in the direction you throw this, until you get a hit or run out of targets. Does a d10.


Classic Fantasy Peoples and Their Weapons:
I think 3rd edition gave everyone their own double weapon. Wack. Anyway here is my attempt to make something that would happen with the conditions these demihumes lived in


Dwarven "old mate"
(the dwarvish translates to "the friend you are always glad see but isn't a beer" )
It looks like a short crowbar/pinch bar (just under a foot) with the claw longer and on a flatter angle and with a slight lateral flare to the tip. The opposite end has the chisel on a shallower angle and with a sharper terminal edge. One of side edges is also kept sharp. It often has an "eye" e.g a hole for threading a rope.
 It's proportioned to work as pick,hammer, trowel, wedge, chisel, spike, lever, climbing aid and grapple, and in dwarven hands maybe substituted for any other needed tool in some kind of improvised shenanigan situation.
In addition , on a successful attack roll (d6 damage btw) instead of doing damage it maybe used to lower the armour class of plated, exoskeleton , mineral or mechanic opponent by 2.
I've been up all night and now I'm editing this for typos etc and I still can't decide how much this armour class lowering can happen so dunno? Once? Not lower than 10?



Elven Lessoning Spear
A spear crafted from a tree that has been carefully messed up to give it a series of weaknesses running on an angles to the shaft. It other wise appears to be a polished wooden spear with only a slanted point and no edge.  It does a d4 damage instead of d6.
When stuck into someone and then twisted in a certain way, about 2 centimetres of the spear break off inside the muscle. The snap happens so the remaining spear has another perfect point  (each break being an obtuse triangle, similar to a boxcutter).  If time and care is available a point can be removed for 1 damage, if time is not available 1d4 damage (i.e you just stick your fingers in there and pull)

For each point still in someone : whenever they take a physical action requiring a roll (stat check, save, attack roll) they either take their choice of 1 point of damage or -1 to that roll.

Some rarer Lessoning Spears are made from poisonous woods.

Orc Axe Helmet
It's a helmet that's also an axe so you can do more damage when you are head-butting or trying to bite your opponents face . Can be used to make an additional attack (doing a d6) but the regular attack (also can't be using weapon longer than sword) and this attack will be at a Disadvantage and they are assumed to be already in range for a grapple attempt

Halfling Bastard Pipe:
A pipe heavy enough to be used a life preserver and can function as blow dart pipe, the first dart handily already poisoned by the nicotine build up.  Can also generate a small smoke screen

Gnome Whirlygig:
A large spinning top with blades attached. Do you have caltrops rules? It does that against a random opponent within a 3 metre diameter circular area where it was aimed.

Increasingly Weird Fantasy Peoples Suggested To Me on G+ and I want to get this done already so not bothering including mechanical suggestions

Centaur :
Centaur Staff: Centaurs are going to want to not have to bend down to pick stuff up so having a long staff with a scoop attached would be something they eventually would put together . The other end has a Y at the end for pinning snakes.
The Scoop end can be use lacrosse style to throw a projectile alarmingly fast, especially when combined with full gallop.

KuoToa:
Mucus Grenado 
Hagfish slime is made up of these weird folded protein chains that expand when you try and wash it off. This is like that but worse , basically acting as a personal grease spell that makes enough slime to start suffocating you if you try and get it off by scrapping or washing it with water. Alcohol or vinegar is the way to go. It's delivered by throwing a knotted and fermented hagfish at you. : (


Gnolls:
Shank:
A hinge joint like the top of the femur or humerus with 4-8 cm of the bone sharpened into a spike. The marrow has been poured/scrapped out.
Then the space inside the bone further expanded.
This is to make room for a concoction of fermented fat, leftover marrow, certain herbs.
Then its capped off with a mixture of rabbit pellets, tar and fat.

This hearty mix serves both as ration source for gnolls and a way of giving people lethally infected wounds.

Gnolls that have been eating well and often, can have up to a dozen of these.
 As they are a food store and wasting food is anathema to gnolls , they only tend to use them in the following situations:
:bring down very big game , with the komodo dragon tactic of "infect and follow"
:in a series of methodical  harassing attacks , with the intention of exhausting and whittling down resistance , especial when the food that can fight back is protecting a bigger quantity of food, e.g a entrenched village militia defending their non-combatants and farm animals .
:right before fleeing a losing/not one sided enough battle, one where there's enough potential reward , that's it worth regrouping and coming back later


Snailmen:
Cracker:
Chisel ended spears with a full metal haft that are used for Snailman vs Snailman conflicts. They are jammed into the shell and then brutally levered to propagate cracks.

They do a d8 damage but have damage disadvantage against things without exoskeletons or shells.
Against things with exoskeletons or shells they do d8 damage  and the next round after a successful hit they make their next attack roll ignoring any armour class other than dexterity modifiers and the like, and the weapon damage increases to a d10.

Radula Shield:
Something like a cheese grater made into a tower shield . It allows the user to attack without the penalty associated with using a tower shield, and inflicts a d6 damage. Some are equipped with a rope and can be swung at range,  inflicting damage from the sidelong blades cutting as the shield is pulled back and little from the initial impact.

Aquatic Elves: 
Cnida-glaive
A hollow bone, shell or coral shaft like an oversized hypodermic needle , with some kind of bladder (seaweed or animal in origin) at one end.
They come in 3 sizes; a 30 cm close fighting one, a metre long skirmishing one, and metre and half sniping one.
They all are called Cnida-glaive , but technically the middle length one is the glaive, the shortest one is the Cnida-Spur and the longest one a Cnida-Lance
As well as straight up stabbing , squeezing the bladder can be used to launch darts (both in air and water) .
Darts are commonly repurposed  sea urchin spines and so can be barbed and/or poisonous.
Darts can be fired immediately after stabbing, lodging them very deep in the poor bastard so stabbed.
In a pinch the user can just pump air or water after stabbing someone , causing additional rupturing especially to something like a lung.
By squeezing the bladder before stabbing with the cnida-glaive and the releasing it once its penetrated , it can used to suck out a flotation gas or acidic slime or some other vital fluid in a monstrous adversary.

ThriKreen :
 Someone suggested ThriKreen and they already got their gythka and chatkcha.
Which sure, are goofy but goofy in some kind of freewheeling 80s barbarian movies way so it's hard to dislike them.
The only thing I'm going to add is they would have bola. It's kinda boring so maybe they have bola made from ant-heads or something

Bird People:
Cloudbursters:
A bundle of dozen or more short spears with rudimentary fletching. Not able to be effectively thrown, instead dropped or dive bombed, the Cloudburster then separating into its component spears, peppering the area.

The damage done and the area effected depends on how far the Cloudburster travels before hitting things (no attack roll needed, ref save for half damage) 
Distance Traveled|  Dmg | Area affected
4 Metre Drop | 2d8 Dmg | 1 metre sq
8 Metre Drop | 2d6 Dmg | 2 metre sq
16 Metre Drop |1d8 Dmg | 4 metre sq
20 Metre Drop | 1d6 Dmg | 8 metre sq

Slice-Whip
A razor sharp disc at the end of a rope, like murderous yoyo.
The disc shape means it has little chance of getting hooked or stuck, as the intention is something that can be used in swoop attacks, striking quickly at any momentary exposed areas.
No real excited mechanics here, it does  d6 damage and counts as a ranged weapon , despite returning to user after striking.


Mind Flayer:
use other species as tools , so weapons would be other species. Manchurian candidates basically.


Ettercaps: 
 "Whisper"
Very long , very slender , spears that multiple ettercaps can use at once, slowly moving it through the foliage from a concealed position until its within a breath from an unaware opponent before impaling in a blink.
When not in use Whisper break apart into smaller parts , like a tent pole.
The parts of the Whisper are hollow as it is made from giant spider legs, reverently gathered and shaved down to the bare structural minimum.

The hollow aspect to it means that it can deliver poison, either via stabbing or  blowing it down it , as if it was a giant straw,   dropping poison into a sleeping mouth , ear or exposed food.

The other use of it being hollow gives it is namesake ; it can be used to get a victims attention by speaking down it, getting them to turn towards the source of the noise , exposing an eye or throat to quick impalement.

Whispers are too laterally brittle to be used in combat, and ettercap will never do so, fleeing to conceal the Whisper safely if nessacery.

A Whisper can be a maximum of 10 metres long, (which will require at least 2 ettercaps to use, otherwise a single ettercap can manage). It will do 3d6 damage , however if
1 ettercap is using it reroll 6s
2 ettercap are using it reroll 1s
3 ettercap are using it reroll 1 and 2s
4 ettercap are using it reroll 1,2 and 3s. 

Tabaxi :`
(cat people)
Victory Crest:
A woven wicker shield reinforced with bones.
In the weave is set the claws taken from defeated rivals, giving the shield a ripping attack.
A Victory Crest does from 1d3 damage to d8 damage depending on how many claws have been included.