DISPLACER KLAUS STRANGLING A UNBORN WORLD

Print PDF HO HO HO IT IS THAT TIME OF YEAR WHERE I, DISPLACER KLAUS, ARRIVE TO GIVE YOU ALL THE TABLES YOU EXPLICITLY STATED NOT TO WANT



Treasure tables with +1 swords and whatnot.

 1. Several geese in their crops are tiny knights with +1 swords. Their crests are known and they are missing
2. Chest of Rich Rich Rich soil and a +1 sword with a unblemished severed hand clutching it
3. A pool of glass eyes and a +1 sword at the bottom
4. Mercury coloured honey with a +1 sword stuck in it
5. 30 metres of red coral chain wrapped around the +1 sword it joins at the pommel
6.Rare and difficult papers. one with diagrams on how to fold it into a plus one sword


I once saw a table that told you the outcome of a night on the town.
1. You are on the moon
2. You are a new moon
3. You have a tattoo of the moon
4. The moon has send for you
5.You are now in world similar to the one you were but there is neither you or the moon here
6.You know what the moon knows now and forever


Trait/ideals/bonds/flaws.
1. Shirmery
2.Tattymount
3.Giserly
4.Dungtickled
5.Fizzit
6.Bungad



Moderate feelings, i.e. Slightly bored, a bit happy etc
1.Coyly immolated
2.Discretely infantile
3. Tepid disdain
4. Reserved regurgitation
5. Misdirected Apotheosis
6. Apathetic Pig burial

A table where all results are either boring or fatal, with nothing in between.

1. Volcano
2. A cupboard
3.. Lahar
4. Under a bush
5.Lard Tsunami
6.A small cloud

Uninteresting subdivisions of a thing, esp. with no elucidating information.

1 Aristatus
2. Mucronatus
3. Cuspidatus
4.Cirrhosus
5.Pungens
6.Setosus
7. Piliferus
8.Apiculatus
9. Uncinatus
10. Rostratus
11. Acutus
12. Acuminatus
13. Obtusus
14 Obtusus cum acumine
15 Retusus
16 Emarginatus
17. Tuncatus
18 Praemorsus
19 Tridentatus.
20. Hebatatus

YOU COULD LIE DOWN FOR AWHILE PEOPLE WILL THINK THERE IS REASON FOR THIS

Magic swords
1.No-one will Remember it
2. Is Falling Still
3. Has failed its purpose. Thrown out of forever
4. Wakes the fake alive
5.The excrement of a star
6.To wield is to be the rightful ruler of a small pond
7. Suspicious Shovel like
8. Makes a noise like grinding teeth. Weirdly inconstant volume



Dragons
1. The everdevouring eel of the black pig waste. Like a black dragon but rubberey and tiny limbs and it has seven heads and they have consecutively eaten (and can regurgitate ) each other
2. The glistener. A horrible mantis thing like a sun dew plant
3. Moon's Spit. Like seeing a close up of a butterfly face while having a really bad time on a trip. Has a 1000 wings like fairy made flensing knives
4. The Thing At The End. It's at the End of The World. It's too large because it is too close to you and its breathe is your breath and its far way it fills up the horizon.
5.The King Of Poison. A tiny thing. In the middle of a desert. The desert is there because its there.
6.Skyscraper . All barristeral grace of a vulture, flies on hooks that make the sky bleed, you can see its path when the sunsets

DO YOU KNOW WHO AMONGST YOU IS A WIZARD? HAVE YOU CHECKED? WHAT COLOUR WAS IT? HO HO HO


Boring encounters with dull treasures.

1. Some has shot a dog at you. The dog has a silver collar
2. There is a bandit. They have a gold coin and no legs
3. A wolf is after you. Some has fed it a large pearl
4. 5 goblin pursue . They have long finger nails and diamond dust painted on their faces
5.A horse is lost. It is eating a scroll. The scroll is cursed.
6. A Gargoyle is being boiled in copper

Table of player character names.
1. Doug One Thousards
2. Het Stickly
3. Goob Plaguecart
4.Mina Rotriver
5.Solomon Boron Ray
6.Amulee Marrowbore


AM I HERE? THAT IS A MANY SPLENDORED QUESTION AND WRONG

1d20 types of sneeze sounds

1. Like a hot stone dropped in pond of blood
2. Like a bag of sand being slowly ripped
3. 10,000 leaves being crushed in an instant
4. A dog barking very slowly
5.A a great weight of velvet dragged with haste
6. A wheezy crow faking surprise
7. Like iron sheet being ripped
8. A flat trumpet
9. Someone throwing mud at chicken
10. Someone throwing a chicken into mud
11.A lung exploding in dirt
12. An ice cream related ice cream
13 Soup Freezing
14. A large baby inhaling a moth
15. A spilling of plums
16. A large paintbrush has been set on fire
17. A cactus deflating
18. Horse chuckles
19. A pig eating flour
20. Slapping some livers together


1D10 epic backstories for low HD dungeon mooks.

1. Actually a successfully murderous mirror double spy
2. Contains d4 parts of world shattering weapon. Was custom breed to contain them
3.The quintessential version of them. A walking elemental plane of this 1 hd mook aspect. If given a large enough space will grow until the take up a place as a additional plane and element of the universe
4.A fired dimensional munition , a parallel world has commenced war , using stealth bullets of surreptitious calamity . They think they people but through action or unaction will slowly unweave this world
5.A famous missing hero's amnesia'ed reincarnation (via the spell)
6.Escaped Patient Zero of a time plague
7.Has a dead in the womb twin that will possess their body on death and VENGEANCE
8.Lost empire is shrunk and living on their body
9.Early prototype. Unseen being monitor their live and make adjustments to the new version based on its success or lack there of
10. Super long lived nigh unkillable being , is ironically mooking at the moment

Random encounter tables that include entries for mega-mundane creatures (1d3 parrots) in much vaster quantities than fantastical ones, in some attempt at setting verisimilitude.

1. 500 Hedgehog
2. 4 Salmon
3. 10 tiny Giraffe

A MEMORY IS THE PAST SAYING HEY I USED TO LIVE HERE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE I AM SCARED AND COLD

Random places within forgotten realms. 

1. Volcano
2. A cupboard
3.. Lahar
4. Under a bush
5.Lard Tsunami
6.A small cloud


Table of NPC traits.

1. Bright Green
2. Has a umbrella
3. Actually a propped up corpse
4. Now free of parasites
5.Knows 5 words
6.Used to Shrink
7.Has hidden in a chimney
8.Poised

teeth

Print PDF Uses for teeth

1.bullets

2.houses

3.secret rooms

4.drills

5. eyes

6. castles

7. whimsical companion

8. thought pin


Guns with teeth:

1. the standard semiliving one that shoots teeth like bullets. Looks like a Fiji mermaid or a Jenny Haniver
2. Also living. Like a half melted nautilus prototype. Half in this dimension half in an overlapping one. Has a radula in the other dimension but can use it on things in this dinmension , though it wouldn't be visible only the horrible damage it is doing. There is a spacial refraction  between the 2 dimensions and the tongue bore down  where the gun is pointed. Basically it works like a hitscan weapon.

3. A long rotten canine , the rot shaping it crudely like a gun. It shoots rot. Or rather things rot when the gun is upon them

4.Bone and rusted bloodwet mechanism. Like a jack in the box you wind the handle and a megladon tooth on the end of chain springs out to about 10 metres. The chain is threaded with similar smaller teeth. Twisting a knob releases the remaining kinetic energy causing the chain to flail around as it retracts fucking everything up in a swathe as it reloads. Some versions come with a music box inside so you can tell when the handle is nearly wound up. It plays backward when you wind it up and forwards (and speed up) when it comes back.

5. It's cookie cutter shark mouthed black tube with a discrete handle. You squeeze just so and it gnaws at the air, leaving a slight greasy blur. Then you can later squeeze again and it will latch and gnaw furiously at the spot , hooking anything there firm until it has eaten out a neat hole.

6. It's a greasy kludge of fused bone and teeth. You point it at people and it sucks the bones out of them and onto itself.

7.A thing made of clay like wind instrument made by someone who is afraid of wind instruments and was meant to be making a gun described to them by a child. Shooting it (point and whistle) makes a wind slow rise out of it and then quickly snick forward with a ripple of metre long teeth rising and falling from the ground in a cascading wave

8.This one looks like early flint lock, the stock and the barrel cracked and repaired with silver and gold. Black string hangs off it with holed teeth clacking on them. It fires completely silently but if you fail to collect and string teeth from anyone you shoot with it the gun will explode next time it is fired. It can be repaired though with silver and gold melted down from filings being the cement needed


Especially Exciting Places to Find Teeth:
(skipping the obvious Vagina Dentata )

1.Pockets, Hats, Gloves
2.Books
3.Fruit
4.Clumps of hair
5.Pillows
6.Candles
7.Cannons
8.Murals

Some Teeths: (click through for source)