ARNOLD K IS SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DUTCH TULIP CRASH OF 1635

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I now begin to document Arnold K's non-pig related crimes by making opposites of monsters

Devil

Civillian:

Do you know the movie Cube and the passing idea that the whole thing was bureaucratic mistake that became too big to shut down so everyone kept doing their job even their job was to maintain a murder-cube in the desert? Civillians are those people . When societies reach certain densities and complexity certain jobs and professions mysteriously that are seemingly irrational, perverse , and destructive (no not advertising, but sure) .  Very little people know about these jobs , and often the only way to find out about them is to be a target for them. Nothing about Civillians is objectively different from regular humans, and yet there's something wrong or too average , or not right about them. If you have ever stumbled upon something on the internet that you can't tell if it's a spam-bot or a person, that is like a Civillian. Their conversation, beliefs , and mannerisms seem to be a slightly ill-matched collection of cliches, stereotypical behaviour, and populism. 

Asmodeus, Baalzebul, Geryon (Arch-devil) , Dispater

The Haze, arch-civillian : a infection that settles on someone and makes everyone seem like a Civillian to them , a mass of noise and shapes, not real not real even though the blood and screams seems almost real. Possible not an independent entity and a condition that happens if you kill or become too focused on Civillians.

-- Barbed (Lesser devil) 

Developer: dictate that roads and streets make dangerous runes, mazes, absurd concentrations of population, and low level malignant architecture and civil engineering . If there's paperwork saying a graveyard should be disturbed or a haunted forest pushed into, it's a Developer.

-- Bone (Lesser devil) 

Pawner:

Runs pawn shops that appear to the desperate offering a really good price for their most valued possession. Will then disappear somewhere else, sell that item to someone that the original seller will run into. Burglaries that turn into murders tend to happen 

-- Erinyes  

 Hounder:

Basically the Stasi , see here 

-- Horned 

Childcatchers:

catch stray children , sell them to guilds for use as apprentices, who generally use them in really shitty jobs

-- Ice 

Legalator 

If you find a stolen child and then try and get them off the guilds and the guilds go well actually that's against the law, you need to pay us this prohibitive amount of money , and you think "Who would write such laws?" . Legalators.

Never anything absurd and huge , just minor , petty , laws , that cause an additional sting to any injustice.  Homosexual men let out of nazi concentration camps but then put back in prison because Homosexuality was still a crime , is a classic Legalator move.

-- Lemure

Chum

Just a regular person that seems so devoid of imagination , insight, or depth . Friendly but draining. The Co-worker you avoid but can't explain why.  Harmless except other Civillians can command them telepathically to do anything without regard for self-preservation 

-- Pit Fiend 

Morganer

The source of ideas such as using lead for drinking cups, feeding cow brains to cows, adding radium to everything. Never around when the corpses/mutations/insect swarms start to mount up.

Dinosaur:

Burgress Shale Arthopods, but they take the place of common animals that live in and around human homes like rats, bats , cats, mice , roaches

Displacer beast:

Hide-Behind

ARNOLD K FUCKED A PIG PART 2

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this photorealistic pokemon stuff is easy

Carrion crawler 

Egg Maker: 

It's like that creepy pokemon chansey , it hugs people and holds them in its extremely rubbery body until they are too tired to fight back , then it puts them in an egg. They will stay in the egg unharmed until hatched. This tends to cause some aspects of their personality to drastically change

Catoblepas :

Life-Buoyant:

Like Jellyfish but also a hot air balloon . If ruptured (which is easy to do) pops gas everywhere that brings everything to life that used to be alive , including currently being digested food, leather, dead wood, hair, old bones etc. Things brought to life that have extremely limited mobility options tend to form up with other similar organisms making colony organisms (after flopping around screaming for a bit)

Centaur:

Hoos:

Friendly civilised fellows that look like a metre long horse head walking around on their vaguely manshaped tongue, nose down. Can't talk and walk at the same time you know old chap.

Centipede:

Lunatick

A massive flea which jumps to the moon. 

Cerebral parasite :

Athletes Feet:

A symbiotic fungus that tries to help out by growing 1d4 limbs to aid in whatever task you are trying to do. They are really good at legs. Doesn't really know how to get rid of the limbs once its grown them for you , out of you

Chimera :

Platonic :

It's an animal , but the perfect absolute version of that animal. After seeing it , regular versions of that animal have a deeply unsettling uncanny valley thing for you, causing nausea,  repulsion, and hives.

Cockatrice :

Eel of the Bone

It's a shy guy that slips inside people and curls around their bones. It's harmless there , what isn't harmless is the amount of things the Eel of the Bone knows and how their dreams tend to leak into other peoples  dreams. 

These dreams also tend to let people very concerned with various questions the Eel knows the answer to get dreams about where the Eel of the Bone currently is.

And  the Eel of the Bone is honour bound to answer 3 questions of anyone who finds it inside someone.

Couatl 

Injustice Crab:

Why this city things an iron crab with a morning star just walking around smashing things helps the crime rate no-one knows

Crab, Crayfish, Crocodile

The cross between these 3 is obviously a walking warmachine-mulcher.

The opposite of that is 

Candy Bird:

It's a small bird made of candy that wants you to eat it. If you do all your children will be overly large violent goons.

Demon :

Harmoney 

The opposite of Demons is going to good natured household gods. . They move into a home, house or abode and make it better and harmonious. Except they are from the wrong dimension so it's not good at all.

-- Demogorgon 

Archiplex:

This moonfaced mitten wearing fuzzipillar pig makes you your humble home a castle. A fastly vertically , physically impossible castle. All vertical distances are increased 1000 fold. All horizontal distances 20 fold. Outside dimensions remain the same. Archiplex then tends to start inviting all his friends over

-- Juiblex 

Gummy:

Looks like beakless puffin.

Makes microscopic things massive (dust mites, tardigrades, fungal spores) with irregular consistency. Embiggened things tend to get smart enough to form societys but the societys tend to be Lewis Carroll /Frank Baum /Candy Kingdom

-- Manes

Doug

Like a pinecone of noses, but dumber. Does the dumbest thing possible in any particular moment

-- Orcus

Jiffyup:

Like a beetle made from alien sex toys but the aliens are prudes . Proceeds to improve everything that could be understood as a tool . Improved tools function as 1d6 other tools, roll when use to determine which tool-function happens

-- Succubus

Vix: A hairy spring man. Sews hair seeds , making surfaces grow thick deep fur , hair, or antenna. 

-- Type I (Vrock) 

Chum:

A snail made of smiles! Alternates between making vast hearty feasts out of formerly inedible objects and just chasing down and eating people (Chum calls this the "washing up")

-- Type II (Hezrou) 

Goss: 

An luminous translucent inchworm with hand puppet face. Finds people and returns their things. 78% of the time it's things you deliberately got rid of like diseases, cursed objects, hunting animals, hair, feces etc.

-- Type III (Glabrezu) 

Fuhuhu:

A tongue flower. Gives useful advice for someone not quite you.

-- Type IV (Nalfeshnee, etc.) 

Zg:

A snake on assorted wheels. What fun. Not fun at all. Digs holes through space linking  your home to places you really wish it wouldn't

-- Type V (Marilith, etc.) 

 Mary Poppins. It's Mary Poppins

-- Type VI (Balor, etc.) 

Amylnam

Someone who looks like your dad.

The first thing you kill in house occupied by Amylnam is always Amylnam. He looks so disappointed .

-- Yeenoghu (Demon Lord of Gnolls) 

The Mister :

Mister is very thin and she has long sharp nose. She means good , as she teaches all the animals to talk and think. It's your own fault if they then slaughter and eat you though

ARNOLD K FUCKS PIGS

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Because sunken loss fallacy  I love you all , I got this new scheme to keep them posts coming even though even though all my energy to make ideas coherent is being swept away into mystery holes (there is never any shortage of ideas, just the ability to focus on them on enough to get them out) , I ask people to tell me something I can talk about in 3 paragraphs 

(the other limited resource I have is the ability to restrain an idea from exploding into all directions until it's impossible to get out of my head spiritually like a fractal dog dick anchor hence this distinction)

Arnold K said "Go through the monster manual, look at each entry, and talk about what the opposite of each is."

he also said "Ape the style of another writer/blogger/celebrity" hence the blog title

So here it goes:

Aerial servant :

Alluvium Anarch: 

It's mass of cracks , discolouration , and textures that looks like nothing until , gestalt switch style, it sudden does, a howling fist face, a scowl , bestial messes. Maybe when they make elementals power golems and purge all the resentment and disobedience it winds being one these. They hate people rebuilding things, taking too long making plans in ruins, and have an entropy field as well as explosion fists.

-Anhkheg- 

Mason Squid: 

Endless making weird tube structures like Gaudi works. The songs produced by winds blowing across them tends to make weird animal migrations 

-Ant, giant- 

Miniphant. Adorable! 

Ape

Rumoured starfish. 

It's a starfish that grants wishes which everyone things they have heard someone find but is imprecise just where

Axe beak

Skywolf:

Not a wolf, but a flying predatory maw with trailing hooked tails . It's also overly aggressive and unpredictable though 

Baboon:

Secret Men :

Small constructions of fearful children that protect them, as best as they can with their meagre abilitys

Badger:

Phalanger

A  wheel of fingers , a servant and diplomat. Patronizing and gross.

Baluchitherium

A boneless toad, you can throw them it's gross.

Barracuda

Fluuf

A useless flying oaf

Basilisk

FleshCow: something that could look like a cow if you had never seen a cow and had only had one described to you by people that you hated listening to. It licks you into amorphous plasiticity 

Bear, Beaver, giant , Beetle, giant :

I'm getting sick of doing animals already , I'm combining all these into hideous chitin dam builder and the making it's opposite

Sickly Planter:

A snail that slime-grapples it's way around roof tops planting alien trees  . It's either a vandal, an artist, a terraformer ,rogue machine or some combination there of.

Arnaldo Pomodoro

Beholder

AllGrinder:

The picture above, it's trying to dismantle everything so it can transport it to a better world. No-ones found the rebuilder though. Each side dismantles a different thing: Past, Mind, Mass, Properties, Potential, Context 

Black pudding

White Gas:

It's the mist that knocked everyone out (and up ) at the start of Village of The Damned

Blink dog

Mass Panther:

If you kept traumatizing a child with cats of a variety of sizes and then got them some crayons and paper , this is what they would draw. They can increase their gravity so trying to run away from them is like that nightmare most people have where they try to run but horrible impaired

-Boar-

Hummingbird:

except they can sew and they are field medics but also can sew eyes and mouths up if provoked or underpayed or insulted by being asked to sew up boring injurys

Brain mole:

Muscleman:

Like a reverse voltron certain groups of people have limbs and muscles that sneak off at night and form one nuggety bastard and cruelly act like a cartoon bully challenging people to fights and pushing carts over. It will keep coming back unless the people that form its mass are found and murdered or separated by great distance

Brownie:

Tickle Boys

Buffalo:

Bird hat

Bugbear

Drumming Spider Man. 

Bulette:

Skin-Whale:

A happy whale tattoo that swims from skin to skin. Looks small but its far away. If you get its attention it will swim up close filling up the whole persons skin with the massive whale face. Knows a lot of things from it's journeys but is so good natured that it misinterprets everything far too positively.

Bull

Camel, wild

Wyrods:

Polyps that you wear like gloves that have eyes on their/your fingers and let you see 30 seconds ago

You Can Buy This Book Now

Print PDF Fire On The Velvet Horizon softcover is live on lulu now

and to fill up the rest of the post is me interviewing Patrick



What was the most fun bit of this? The least fun? Which piece of
writing are you like AWYEAH?



I think the most fun was having a good idea for the silly ones like the Thug Bug and the SailSnail, sometimes when you (I) have a funny idea I smile to myself and am very pleased with the ridiculousness of it. Writing the Paladins Of The Fall was good because it felt automatic, like something else was coming out through me and I was pleased with how it turned out. The Umbra-Technical elemental I was happy with because I looked up and realised I had been writing for two hours and usually its hard for me to write for one.





The least favourite, probably the monsters that just wouldn't turn out right like the first few of the Umbra-Technical, or the ones where I din't really listen to you to begin with, or just the times I didn't listen to you.

HAHaha You must always listen me because I am wise and kind and sting-riddled
Was there any art that never got a monster that you wish it did? Also favourite name?


Towards the end you did a bunch of really good ones that we didn't have room for. 135 140 143 144 145 are all good.








Horolognomon took a lot of fiddling to get and I am quite proud of it.



Are you jealous that I came up with Boa Constructor?


Of course, its an excellent name and I should have thought of it.


Would you consider expanding this into a whole gazetteer?

Like a thing for the world? Not now certainly. I quite like it the way it is as it provokes use and mystery and makes people build it in their heads. I would only do a larger thing if we could do something original with it.



A decent gazetterer though with maps, costumes, ecosystems , useable and graspable city info could be quite original though. Maybe it could be a split writing project? <Might redact this question>


I would be happy to split the writing with you, thought that would be a little unfair since you would still be doing the art. Also we would need to work out a method and structure so we don't tear each others skin off.



We should do stats for it sometime. What system is it most likely to
be the most useful for you? I might do 52 page rule book or Feng Shui
or Old School Hack. Yeah. But what would you use? Like personally how
much mechanics is needed for you to use this in a game? How much do
you wing it mechanically?

Basic LOTFP stat line, some simple mechanics and some cool treasure is all I need.



Favourite source of cool treasure material?


Hmm, I like the silks of the Picceous Puccoon, but probably one we haven't done yet, like what is in the @orn Owl nests? Or the strange chests of the Boa Constructor?



Which of these monster drawings are you getting tattooed on you? Would
you trust me to do it? What about if I sourced and made the ink and
needle from all natural ingredients?





Probably none of them, I pussied out of getting my latest tattoo. Maybe the Fuse Meister and no you are not sticking needles in me, that will be done in a secure environment by a professional. I do things by the book.



I will give you a deadline to get a tattoo and if you don't make it then I will do it. I'm getting a perceptive dog or a bedlam bird or something else dunno

I am very afraid that you might actually do that



So the art. Which of these monster would you be keen as to see drawn
in a more developed style by me? I doubt I'll do it but just asking.
Which monster would you most wanna see drawn by an artist that you
know from the DIYWURLD? Which monster would you most wanna see drawn by any artist ever, except maybe not future artists because google can't reach forward in time yet. (Note to do google corp. Never do
this. Also stop work on facial recognition searches. It's only going
to help cops and stalkers.)





By you I think the Xaxavraznazak, he was so pleasingly mental I want to see what you would do with him.



diywurld: I would like to see Zak take on a Boa Constructor in its palace, he would like that because its all built things and no organic forms except the snake. (No hot girls though...)




all artists: Either Leonora Fini doing a scene of the Umbra Technical Elemental in human form interacting with someone like this












Or Joseph Wright of Derby doing the Eclipse Lich





​


I agree with all of that. There could be a hot girl getting armour fitted by the Boa Constructor though?


Sure, its a bunch of metal amazon's naked in the mouth of a giga-snake, getting felt up and armoured while the snake looks pensive.



What is the next TRANSCENDENTAL MONOLITH you are planning to ERECT on
the psyspace of DIY RPGDOM now that this here for all to weep and
praise? (Like I personally know, but for the gibbering hordes at
home)?




Well, I have this quartet of adventures planned. DCO was the first, the second would be Broken Fire Regieme, the next something about storms and piracy and the last about the sea and dreams. One for each element. But as you know, I am having trouble creating at the moment so we will have to see.



I'm sure you be struck by inspiration or wrench it out of thy self with force and merit.
How could would a hardcover set of all 4 be? In a slip case or something




It would be very could would if I or we ever get it done.

BUY IT