Tuesday 24 December 2013

DISPLACERKLAUS IN THE MYSTERY OF THE DISPLACERKLAUS

Print Friendly Version of this pagePrint Get a PDF version of this webpagePDF THWUMP. OH LOOK AT THAT IT IS A D104 TABLE OF POCKET CONTENTS, EXPLANATIONS, PLOT DEVICES, CLUES, LANDMARKS AND SETPIECES
If the first roll doesn't make sense just keep rolling and combining the results until an ungodly mess results?  TIS THE SEASON FOR UNGODLY MESSES! 




  1. Upside down castle 
  2. Bowl of brains 
  3. Rogue Glacier 
  4. Oversized key 
  5. Crude desperate map 
  6. Candles 
  7. Shark's teeth 
  8. Wooden sword 
  9. Ghosts 
  10. Frozen lake 
  11. Old Coins 
  12. String 
  13. Cup of wine 
  14. Manta rays 
  15. Barbed leather 
  16. Clock tower 
  17. Melted Sand Dunes 
  18. Misshapen faces 
  19. Owls 
  20. Lists 
  21. Whispering poison 
  22. Implausible pits 
  23. Firetraps 
  24. Bee people 
  25. Hungry Streets 
  26. Wind machine 
  27. Dark engine 
  28. Very old people 
  29. Ill stars 
  30. Slime Princess 
  31. Child gangs 
  32. Vomiting statues 
  33. Bored angels 
  34. Boiling water 
  35. Boar 
  36. Tiny wings 
  37. Bag of soot 
  38. Shallow pools 
  39. The moon 
  40. Very new blood 
  41. Hollow trees 
  42. Barking men 
  43. Needles 
  44. Crone's eyes 
  45. Bronze Tortoise 
  46. A great drill 
  47. Tar 
  48. Half a mouse 
  49. Gut strung harp 
  50. Dried frogs 
  51. Angry mob 
  52. Strange Lights 
  53. Tradition 
  54. Strays 
  55. Widows 
  56. Razor Webs 
  57. Directions 
  58. The Tanner 
  59. Snakes 
  60. Snail shell 
  61. Obsidian mirror 
  62. Bitter seeds 
  63. Bone chair 
  64. Scraps of a dress 
  65. Titan Arch 
  66. White Coral 
  67. Mud 
  68. Mockery Jungle 
  69. Plague House 
  70. The End 
  71. Withered plains 
  72. Silver Road 
  73. Red Sign 
  74. Black Rainbow 
  75. StormClouds 
  76. Chain 
  77. Heart 
  78. Flies 
  79. Bakers 
  80. King's Grave 
  81. Golem's script 
  82. Pig's tail 
  83. Tin Crown 
  84. Echo 
  85. Knapped Flint 
  86. Spices 
  87. Squid Beak 
  88. Cage Door 
  89. Lilies 
  90. Coal 
  91. Spider Milk 
  92. Bog Whistle 
  93. Finger nails 
  94. Penny Dreadful 
  95. Urn 
  96. Talisman 
  97. Game Piece 
  98. Forgotten ring 
  99. Pearls 
  100. Careful remembrance 
  101. Mourning 
  102. Pins 
  103. Bells 
  104. Cord 



Monday 23 December 2013

RETURN OF DISPLACERKLAUS

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I BROUGHT YOU SOME MAGIC WEAPONS

1.Hammer Of Solutions +2 , this +2 bonus only applies when used on skill checks where a hammer is a completely daft thing to use

2.Sword of the North. Always points north

3.Handaxe of wood, chopping. It's made of wood but can still be used for chopping as a normal axe

Oh fuck are all these going to be lame punnish eye rolling garbage that used to pad up dragon and every other substandard tstr publication ?

SHHHH CHRISTMAS IS HAPPENING LITTLE ONE
I will suplex you

4.Tome Of War: it's a book on strategy that when a lever on its spine is pulled it extends a chain and teeth and then becomes pretty much a bear-trap / flail hybrid

5. Tongue gun: It's a fleshly looking tube that can be surgeryed  into your tongue so you can shoot poison darts (actually teeth that start growing in your tongue) from your mouth and suck up poison for the darts. With extreme care, because if the poison goes anywhere other than the tube, it's still poison

6. Arrows, Piscine Doom: These arrows turn into sharks a moment before impact

Sharks are not fish. YES BUT THEY ARE DOOM TO FISH okay yeah point HO H O HO

7. Crawling dagger: This dagger is alive and its trust and love must be earned like that of a pet. It will become soft like a large slug and crawl rapidly along your body, thus eluding any search for weapons. Also if it has tasted someone's blood and you know their name you can send it after them to crawl down their throat and cause vast internal ruin

8. Morning Star, Luciferous: This is made of some kind of fantasy magnesium that acts like steel except  you can light the head of it and it burns really hot and bright but will be consumed after 3d6 rounds.
Pretty sure that is a tautology . And do you mean ball and chain morning star or a spikey mace morning star . THE BALL AND CHAIN ONE BECAUSE THOSE ARE GRAND AND DON'T PRETEND YOU CARE ABOUT TAUTOLOGY 
9.Pestle of Gore: This is large pestle that can be used as a tetsubo. As a coup de grace action you can reduce any corpse within reach into a conventionally necromatically unusable paste 

Friday 20 December 2013

Down From The Chimney His Sack Burst Forth

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Manticore is nearly here. Manticore brings people the things they dare ask for. DISPLACERKLAUS  however just brings shit no-one asked for.


no but seriously I'm doing this thing and I hate it and I'm not allowed to go on rambling incursions of pure bullshiting campaign speculation until I finish this thing. I fucking hate this thing. I have included pangolins so it's getting better.

For now DISPLACERKLAUS will fill in for me


H O HO HO I AM  DISPLACERKLAUS AND I'M NOT QUITE WHERE YOU THINK I AM 
HERE IS SOME VERY GOOD 
RPG TITLES

INFINITY PIG

Rod-Harvest

Melancholy in Sodom

Japes and Jackalweres


ManyGnome

The Bright Beast That Was

Devil's Bigness

Acclaims and Adverses 

Bogs and Bogs and Mud

Tome of Feuds

Ripe Tower

Hellbard

DIRTYPOOR

Night's Black Bosom 

Zharkz

Unbounded

Special Lady of War

Woeful Pits

Squalid Depths

Mad Giants Of Galaxy

REEKS OF MARS

PlagueWulves of the Unearth 

The Humongous 


what else do you have DISPLACERKLAUS?

RHYMING STUFF WITH ANIMAL NAMES TO MAKE MONSTERS!
A RANDOM TABLE
wow that is truly unwanted




1 Pikepike!
that is the first one and already it doesn't rhyme and some else made that joke
H O H O HO HO I STEAL AND LIE
2 Spear Bear!
3 Fog Frog!
4 Road Toad!
5 Mat Cat!
none of these deserve exclamation marks DISPLACERKLAUS
6 Mocktopus!
that's more of a punning word substitution  
7.Door Boar!
8.Chisel Horse!
9. Grappling Chicken!
10. A Bag of Wet Mice!
11. 2d6 goblins
12. flour
13. Hawk Stork!
this is going well DISPLACERKLAUS, so well. What else do you have?

THIS SOCIETY MAKES THE FOLLOWING ITEMS FROM BREAD!!

1.shoes.
2.doors
3.guard dogs
4. books
5. sling stones
6. hats
7. spouse lures
8. lower intestines
9. pauldrons
10.economic system


why all these tables are fucking stupid DISPLACERKLAUS
H O H O HO HO IM REALLY SLIGHT BESIDE WHERE YOU THINK I AM
REASONS THIS GHOST IS A GHOST
1. Ironic Suicide Pact Wager Contract
2. Murdered while impersonating a corpse
3. Drunk themselves to death. Literally, stuck a straw in a vein and slurped their way to death
4. The priest gave them shit directions to the afterlife
5. Actually an animated snowman made of ectoplasm
6. Legs fell off
7. Allergic to own skin
8. Shat heart out
9. Flying machine
10. Internal burial
11. bard

that's kind of an improvement

MUSIC!
WEAPONIZED INSTRUMENTS!
fuck you
1. Tuba launches squids
2. Organ fires blazing souls
3. Violin lacerates random target when played hard enough to break strings
4. Drums that explode
5. Flute that shoot poison needles
6. Piano that has extendable hammers when keys are pressed

BUUUH I'M ALREADY SICK OF THAT
NOW FOR A MECHANIC TO RESOLVE SEX IN RPG...
HAHAHHA HAA NO, EVEN I CAN'T GIVE A PRESENT THAT UNWANTED

POINTLESS ISLANDS!

1. The island of Crying Ducks
2.  The island of spare legs
3. The island of hot snow
4. The island with an ecosystem entirely made from centipedes
5. The island of geological unlikely rocks
6. The island of the pretend wizard
7. The island of miniature brontosaurus 
8. The island with low cloud cover
9. The island with the small volcano
10. The island where people bury their shadows
11. The island with upside down trees
12. The island that rains diamond
13. The island that smells like gas
14. The island that is entirely edible
15. The island that follows you


WELLL I'M NEARLY DONE FOR THE NIGHT JUST GOT THIS MONSTER LEFT:

CIMIM :
THEY ARE  LIKE MIMICS BUT THEY ALWAYS  TURN INTO SOMETHING REALLY UNLIKELY TO BE IN THE ENVIRONMENT 

I coulda sworn Cimim's already showed up in a post. Where did you get them from DISPLACERKLAUS?

H O H O HO HO I'LL JUST SEE MYSELF OUT OR WILL I BECAUSE I'M 3 FEET TO WHERE I THINK I AM?!?!


get out






Wednesday 4 December 2013

Lakes?

Print Friendly Version of this pagePrint Get a PDF version of this webpagePDF Big hated things that Sunk Cost Fallacy keeps me plugging away at how I loathe thee.

Much decent ideage goes off into that dark realm.

Meanwhile y'all get this crap:

This Lake Seems Fine to me:
BUT

1. No surface tension in the water. Nothing can float or swim in it.
2.Once a week it releases a killing invisible cloud of carbon monoxide
3.It connects up to a vast underground sea. Surprisingly large things can find their way into this lake
4. A Turlough lake with a ruin at the bottom. Drains and floods suddenly like the cruelest of water levels though.
5.A nearby civilization has covered up a genocide by concealing the evidence at the bottom of this lake
6. The crabs here seek out human bones to make flutes with. If they do not play these flutes , something worse rises out of the lake and rampages.
7.Evil horse live at the bottom of this lake. They can see you from the very bottom of the dark waters.
8. The touch of the waters causes monstrosity and when the moon is full a great wooden cube rises from the waters. Inside is a labyrinth, with treasure apparently, but mostly monsterized former treasures seekers who failed to make it out again before the labyrinth sank.
9.Those ducks. Actually lures on the noses of horrible frog beasts
10.Big snapper turtles with the 7 seven words that can unravel the world carved on their shells
11. Drinking of these water is the equivalent to the signing of a contract in the understanding of eldritch elemental powers. This means you have agreed use of your body by the them for a certain amount of time at a unspecified date.
12. This is where you go when you die. It's cold and it's dark and nothing happens. Everyone who has died is at the bottom of this lake.
13.This lake is where the night is kept when not in use
14.There is one giant eye at the bottom of this lake. Someone is looking for it.
15.The mouth that will swallow the sun is swimming up from the bottom of the lake. The lake is always stretching its depths so the mouth will never arrive but the lake will tire one day and become finite and the mouth will arrive
16. The only innocent things in this world are the stingless jellyfish that swim in this lake and now you have found them who else will too?