Monday 23 February 2015


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 first a statement :

Zak said that. I agree with him. That guy is a dick.  I am trans and its extremely unlikely I would be in this hobby if it wasn't for his blog. I am in his personal circles and have never seen a harassment campaign , transphobia or whatever else he is being accused of. If anyone who thinks they are a supporter of Zak has maliciously contacted someone he has spoken about, they have done against his express statement not to. Also they are a fucking dick and I would love to know their name so I can exclude them from civil interactions.

I decided to test out this adventure generator I may of had a hand in making (along with Ian Johnston and Joey Lindsey)
Like try and make words around its words

A bee princess who is seeking redemption in the heedy booze of secret war and is sick of playing second string in a time that land forgot.

Back Story
okay so the bee princess is a member of these people that start looking human but can become more and more bee like as they get old and also depending on what weird pollen vomit they eating. They have secret underground hives where some of them remain human and go about on bee people business (normally trading all the narcotic, mummifying and medicinal honeys they make) while some are feed the necessary concoctions to become big terrifying bee warrior ladys , while others are neglected to keep as lower workers. The queen is huge and terrifying etc. The bee people who I will call Attendants of Flower or the Attendants try to keep all the weird body horror and disturbing side effects of drug honey hidden because they are heavily reliant on nearby cities use and unuse of lands for flowers.

Any Azurely Pickling is a Attendant princess but she was flighty and wild and neglected her royal duties  (diplomacy, being possibly next in line for the queen , making good with other nobles) and off loaded a defective load of honey on a small town to make some money on the sly when her soiree budget was curtailed. It caused horrible mutations and suffering and the Pickling hive promptly burned the place town and made it look like a neighbouring kingdom did a raid. Which has made a near war happen. 

So Azurely is now in the big city, while being officially exiled and marked for death , unofficially is moving new, more experimental, honey drugs into the city and doing hits on rival Attendants and generally real politik on behalf of her hive.

Wait "time that land forgot" . Ummmmm ....That's the nickname of the City she is in, aka Roaming. It's a big anachronism stew and has roving feral and canny pipe beings in the sewer that have Sand flowing through them which is magic and timey and can be made into disintegration powder , unrust dust , youth potion etc

The Happening 
Azurely has decided to get real ambitious and is going to get a Timepipe addicted to drughoney and then control time. She has worked out the drughoney, tested it, and is now going to follow a crude map to ambush and capture one.

You Are Heres:
The new drughoney she has made has been tested on things normally not affected by it ; so gargoyles , golems and constructs. There are now packs of drughoney crazed gargoyles that have a bounty on them attacking people for their suspected drughoney. If given or offered drughoney they will give information readily , describing a well dressed hairy human (actually a gorilla) who gave them the original supply.

Some wizards have lost their golems and automatons and want them back. Azurely has them hooked on the sweet sweet thickjuice.

Also the town she fucked up has some refugees that have recognized her from the street. They are bugparted beggar people so nobody listens to them but they have staked her out and will try and point the party at her if they don't think the party is buglovers

Azurely might enlist the party themselves catching the Timepipe. She is ambitious , but not crazy, and ruthless, but not malicious so. So better than most people you could work for. She is especially happy to hire people that are heavy drughoney users.

If the party are seeking a Timepipe and researching methods  themselves they might get wind of her scheme or run into her or an agent of hers researching it.

The party could run into her in the sewers with her crew as a random encounter

The Potentials
She and her goons and golem addicts eventually track a Timepipe in the sewer and snare it.
If she gets it back to her base she will get it addicted and semiloyal in 2 weeks. IF it gets loose (she has been pretty reckless lately and it wouldn't take much more information to get a rival Attendant drug cabal or the Civic authoritys to find her and raid the place. IF this happens the Timepipe will get loose. Adventurers helping her fight off a raid or recapture the Timepipe will have an ally for life. Unless she finds out they set the thing up..) IF the Timepipe gets loose and stays loose for 1d12 days it will get all the Timepipes addicted and crazyed and the entire city of Roaming will have a complete chrono meltdown and turn into one big time damaged reality warping ruin and destabilize the entire area. So that is fun.
IF she has control of the Timepipe she will , over the next month, take control of the entire city and start a new super hive of chrono bee people and will become a vast power if her recklessness and impulsiveness don't get her so much enemy that they form an alliance to take her down.

Locations That Might Have a Fight in Them:

A drughoney den

A clandestine library

The dinosaur and Cambrian Fauna and space bacteria plagued Sewers

Her hideout  , a former church. Lookouts are on the steeple, the stained glass windows have been boarded up.

Self Actualizing Shenanigan Units
Azurely Pickling:
A brash black haired brawler. Makes decisions quickly. Dressed in leathers with a discrete bustle. 

picture from here

Capable of violently prolapsing her womb into a 3 foot long venomous stinger (the stinger on bees + rest of hymenptera is a modified ovipositor, hence why only the females sting.)  Unlikely to use this, as it's awkward as hell and destroys various expensive garments and it can take some time to relapse it, all the while walking around like an exaggerated cowboy. She is strong enough to rip it intact from a body though (despite the barbs and unlike most honey bees)

Otherwise a mid level fighter with poison and drug resistances and can see ultra violent.

She will have 1d6+1 weak golems and/or constructions and/or automations at her hide out or with her in the sewer.

Azurely's Goons:
80/20 female to male. Wear layers of dirty petticoats and have a tiara shaped scar on forehead. Name of gang is Dethroner Moxy 

Loyal, mostly competent crims with bee parts.
Treat as 1-2 level fighters and thieves
Bee Parts:
1. Eyepatch conceals compound eye. Eye (when uncovered) gives Advantage to see through illusions and detect hidden stuff
2.Can vomit up half digested honey , causes minor acid damage and save or confusion
3. Natural chitin armour , hidden under rags. Counts as chain
4. Long thick erect black hairs. Advantage at sensing movement
5. Arm conceal in sling is a mangle of bone , barb , and chitin. Like someone broke their arm and tried to fix it with random pieces of bee leg and didn't really know what a human arm or a bee leg looked like. Advantage on first attack because of its surprising speed and reach. Does damage as an axe and has Advantage at disarming weapons
6. Does not feel pain. Will not drop until negative their max hitpoint total
7.Can release from weird pulsating bee mouths on neck. Phermones making everyone else with bee parts more angry. Affect will have advantage against morale checks and any attempt to make them afraid or not angry
8. Knee spurs , poisonous . Needs to be in a grapple to use. Concealed under petticoats 

Use harpoons, poison hooked lines, nets, glue bombs, and claw hammers

Squa is burned out show girl who inherited a bar after the Azurely killed the owner. She is loyal but will turn if she can see away of having a more secure future. She has a blunderbuss stuffed with poisonous fishhooks under the bar and will not hesitate to draw on anyone looking intimidating. She has a nervous laugh , a habit of looking off into the distance like she is looking for something she knows isn't coming . While Squa does not directly deal drughoney , Azurely will drops it  off here herself , once or twice a week. It will be hidden in a false bottom in empty barrels and an intelligent well dressed gorilla (James) will pick it up under the guise of delivering new booze. The Dethroner Moxy will not be seen near this tavern, but will follow up threats or attacks to it.

James is a well dressed intelligent gorilla (gorillas and humans look the same to gargoyles). He has refinement , expensive tastes , and moderate ambitions with little way of securing them, so is currently working as a delivery gorilla for a brewery and sells honeydrugs through the staff. The owner of the brewery is unaware of this


Also called Chronoeels, Whoopy Snakes.
Look like that thing in Donnie Darko that came out of his chest. Fast, flightly. 
Can teleport every half hour.
Verdigris copper will hold in their flesh (Azurely knows this and if her crew is in the sewer their harpoons and hooks will be this. As well  the golems will be studded with barbed verdigris hooks) , nothing else can hold them (free action)
If wounded; shining sand will spill out of them inflicting a random effect in a 3 metre area around them (save allowed) Durations as the relevant spell of whatever edition you are using. If caster level needed use hitdice of the Timepipe

1. Haste as the spell but you age a year a round. Long lived creatures age 100 per round.
2. Slow as the spell
3.One random item is effected by the disintegrate spell
4. Ethereal on alternate rounds (duration) 2d12 rounds. If you become unetheral in an object you will die and then your corpse will continue to phase in and out for the rest of the duration.  The Timepipe can hit ethereal creatures
5. Held, as the spell
6. Maze, as the spell but half duration.

Otherwise treat as a half strength purple worm. Swallowed opponents will age as per the haste attack. It can spit out a swallowed opponent at speed. Treat as a reverse gravity spell in the direction of the spit for damage for struck walls or other people. Upon impact a cloud of sand will effect a 2 metre area around the spat out person. After leaving its stomach you the g.m has to answer one question of your choice as you got to look at the world outside time as the sand grinds you to your base components. (Disintegration damage)

They can hold people in their belly without inflicting damage if they want to.

  Azurely plans: She has a crude and vague map to a location where a Timepipe is sure to teleport to. She will ambush it, subdue it , and then inject it with drughoney to establish a telepathic connection and get it all loved up. Then when its teleport has recharged , teleport back to her hideout and proceed to get it domesticated. 
The ambush will have the golems grapple the worm with her goons leading help as is safe (staying out of range of the sand).
Other names for drughoney:
thick juice
black tickler

Legal drughoneys will have the following effects depending on vintage and dose:
Empathy, very minor telepathy, euphoria, drowiness, dreaming in new colours, Synthesia  , heighten tactile and olfactory senses

Illegal drughoney will have the following effects depending on vintage and dose, will little to no regulation

Increased energy and sleepiness, mood swings, mutations, inability to digest non-pollen foods, pain resistance and aggression, obedience, pica (object eating), and extreme versions of all the ones listed under legal  

Saturday 7 February 2015