Thursday 31 May 2012


Print Friendly Version of this pagePrint Get a PDF version of this webpagePDF It's a pit fiend! Finishing touchs via my flat mates blow torch.
Originally started as a basilisk but then switched to a pit fiend his name is Biggie Ups and he is all about the corruption.
Matt Kish in this post here
made some good thinks about baatezu.
In which that if you was thinking about the manifestation of lawful evil , maybe the aesthetic would be more about fruity minimalist brutalist design (ala fascism and nazi parades and uniforms and big ass buildings) or hateful bleak and convulsive geometry, somehow mocking your foolish belief in your merit as individual.
Which is all well and good , but fuck it , Baatezu.
Like maybe rotting and bestial should be chaotic evil's schtick, and if you were gonna design polarized idelogical compass point races that would be a good idea to have these strong visually niches.
so as a brief imagination exercise :
Chaotic Good: Multitude of forms, freedom of movement, spontaneity, a swashbuckling cat, a singing frog troupe, bumble bee Saracens 
Neutral Good: Serene, adaptive, wondrous, serpentine feathered whales with kind eyes and sky splitting roars.
Lawful Good: Formal, militant but charitable, ornate armoured giants with burning lamps for faces
Chaotic Neutral: Mad, destructive, wild: a scintillating ball of lizard defacing clouds, a fierce stilt legged bear.
Neutral Neutral: pragmatic, utilitarian, lone wandering stone men building circles and conducting silent duels amongst their numbers to settle arcane territory disputes
Lawful Neutral: Bureaucratic, mechanical, baroque. Vast orbs spinning in orbs, attended by clockwork beetles with intricate  inscribings of rulings and rank on their bronze hides and horned by candles with unflickering flame
Chaotic Evil: Raging, rotting, Unstable, Squamous, great flaming bull headed things tearing at each other in great contest of strength, in between devouring citys. Gibbering hordes who despoil a populace and then contact vile mummerys of the inhabitants. Reckless.
Neutral Evil: Bleak, cruel beyond reason, stagnant , predatory ghosts that insidiousate, corrupt and destroy,
LAwful Evil: tryantical, hypocrisy, ambitious, pointless Kafka  bureaucracy, Robed hooked nosed things that convince you to torture yourself.    
but yeah what I do like about d&d and planescape is the layering and unevenness of the cosmology.
And I like how the baatezu and tanar'ri could easily be mistaken for each other, depsite their undying hostility. Just like any good old fashioned ethnic conflict.
Also with baatezu being bestial and what-not, might be their love of hypocrisy, or celebration of the true nature of the multiverse , that of strength and conflict.
Or that they are unable to see that their own nature is sick and corrosive, and have never questioned their forms.
YEah any way photos:


Saturday 26 May 2012


Print Friendly Version of this pagePrint Get a PDF version of this webpagePDF

cerebral parasite. Everyone loves the cerebral parasite. Anyway I just made these 2 happy little guys for someone. The basilisk is actually the 2nd attempt. The first attempt starting turning into a pit fiend. So I started again.

Thursday 24 May 2012

Mixtape Dungeon Map via MONSTER JOHNSTON

Print Friendly Version of this pagePrint Get a PDF version of this webpagePDF
so monster johnston does this thing, where people give him a dungeon title (for example "the sunken vault of the gibbon king") he makes a GRAND mixtap cut and paste dungeon, and then you populate it (and if you are me, draw all over it).
I scanned the bits of paper I had done the key for this map, but computer problems mean I'm just gonna type it up for you. Means you will be able to read it I guess, but less drawings of bird skulls and monkeys in the corners.

The gibbon king was a frightening warlord over the sultry jungles of where ever. He had 5 different ape champions of various fighting styles underneath him and a flesh gobbling horde of gibbon warriors.
He liked nothing better than to sit atop his ebony and gold throne, and have captives brought to him. He would then eat them alive and shit them out a hole in his throne, to fertilize his terrible brain fruits in a room below.

But his warriors turned up him one day, burying him a rock slide  and then attempted to divide his rude kingdom amongst them. But the gibbon king visited each in their dreams and set them against each other. Each one in turn seeked out the services of the under-hill-man, and purchased conjuring charms and wicked spells to doom their rivals. The first to go was the Rhesus Knight. his aerial prowess and sword and shield style , no match for the roots of his lair turning feral and thorned, clutching at him at all directions and crushing him dead.
The next to go was the lemur warlock. His North wind fists and tornado kicks availed nothing against the dead, and the shadows took his strength and life.
 Saykal Redim, the baboon champion of the stone warrior school, of such brute strength and fortitude, he would hunt elephants, but this was useless against the inexorable choking of a mud golem .

The 12 bright swords of the chimpanzee warrior hacked uselessly away at the ice elemental send to kill him, and so it did.

The last and seemingly victorious Silverback brawler, was betrayed by his betrayal. The simple wooden box which contained the dust , which when mixed with water , created a mud golem, was left in his chamber. A scorpion, possessed by the fading ghost of the gibbon king dropped a few drops of poison in the box, and the resulting poisonous mud golem was enough to best the silverback brawler.

The vault has since sunken slightly from some minor flooding in the low levels. The gibbon warriors are long gone, and so the vault remains a treasure undiscovered.

Until now....

Okay so I'm not going to bother statting monsters because everyone uses such different systems , ditto with treasure. So to run this you'll need to reskin or stat up or look up :

2 mud golems. as water elemental with grapple and suffocate attack maybe? One of them also poisons as well as suffocates

12 assorted regular sized scorpions.

Rock weirds: as water weirds but are snake like forms of rock. Petrify instead of drown. People turned to stone by them turn into a stacked pile of rocks resembling the original form instead of a exact duplicate. If the rock pile is knocked over they can still be destoned as long as all the rocks are present. The risk is leaving a stone out (thus resulting in a missing body part) or putting a extra one (thus resulting in a rock internally .

Shadows: (8) the undead strength draining kind.

Ice elemental

Albino Cave Piranhas: one swarm

Mummys: (16) but like waxed and leathery gibbons that can fold down to a neat cube. Half strength, but not possessing mummy rot or vulnerability to fire.

a simple wooden box. IF the mud golems substance is taken and dried and then kept in the box for a night and a day, if the dust is mixed with an liquid it swells and forms a mud golem which is under the command of whoever added the dust to the liquid. If you add the liquid to the dust (ie into the box) the mud golem formed will just try and kill everything near the box and then remain dormant
 until the box is disturbed. When then it will attack. Sometimes the golem takes on the propertys of the liquid.

The box stores enough dust for 2 golems.

And is quite fragile.

Brain fruits:
These look like pineapples but more like a screaming face. If you eat them you dream someone elses memorarys. There is 8 of them. You would have to dig them up to see the weird screaming face. Otherwise they just look like the top of a pineapple with some sweet flowers and some scorpions running about.

Assorted coins , rings and personal effects can be found in the loam that the brain fruits grow in.

4 clock work hand sized monkeys that can be "programmed" by hella smart mechanically minded people. Currently they just maintain and repair the swinging blades and each other.

The 3 swords of the Chimpanzee warrior.
(when he wielding 3 swords it looked like he had 12, according to him anyway) , don't have to be magic, should be fancy though.

The sword and shield of the Rhesus Knight:

Possible salvageable animal hides, tusks , skulls, armour or whatever in the trophy room.

The treasure in the Vault itself.

Room descriptions:
this is where the throne used to be. It's gone, revealing the shoot to chamber 3.

2:This is where the silverback brawler had his chambers. It is half covered in mud with a gorilla skeleton armed with knuckle dusters is visable. The skeleton has the 1st key on it. A wooden box is near as well. Disturb the box makes the mud rise up and attack , it's a mud golem that is also poison.

3.Brain fruits growing in a dark loam. The tops of them are like a pineapple and pale white flowers grow in the gloom. about 12 scorpions scuttle around this vegetation. They are not particular aggressive but will attack if you start digging up the soil, coz that's where they have buried their eggs.
They are exotic and poisonous.

4:THis room is overgrown with vile looking vines and is loud with the chirping of ominous frogs.
The frogs are ominous. But harmless.

5.This is the old student training area

6:A frigid chamber, where the lemur warlock met his doom. This chamber  does as much cold damage as you would suffer standing around in the attic. The chimpanzee is visible frozen in a block of ice against the far wall. You will need to hack through about a metre of solid ice to get to him. He has  a snow globe stuck to his hand. The snow globe radiates intense cold. It will freeze itself to whatever is warmer than what its currently touching and has just touched it. Shaking it summons (say if it has stuck to your hand and you were trying to get it off..) a hostile ice elemental.
The frozen corpse has the 4th key on it and one sheathed sword, and a sword in the other hand and one held by his foot. The swords are fancy looking.

7: A testing area with great big swinging blades and pendulums and spears all swinging around and stuff. They are  maintained by 4 tiny clockwork monkeys who store themselves in a small dolls house with a workshop in the corner .Working through this room exposes you to 1d8 attacks by the weapons. Roll a 1d8 to determine the attack bonus. The damage , roll a 1d4 to choose between a spike (1d4), a sickle (1d6) , a blade (1d8), or a pendulum (1d10) .

8 This entry was is framed by 2 mounted emu skeletons.

9 A zen style zen garden with complantive stone piles. disturb any of the neatly raked gravel causes 2 earth weirds to attack.

10: The Baboon of the Stone Champion style's chambers. Half buried in mud. This mud used to be a mud golem. The 3rd key is on his skeleton.

11. This is where the vault is kept. It is a great steel heart suspend on metal spikes coming from all angles. It has 5 keyholes visible. It should be  difficult to pick. A failed pick attempt causes the heart to "beat" and ring twice like a gong. This would summon gibbon warriors had they not all gone awol 30 years ago. The sound can be clearly heard from miles away though, so someone might show up later though. Opening all the key holes makes it open like a flower, and then mummys attack you from room 12.

12: Climbing up the sloping shaft reveals a room lined with leather squares, but otherwise empty. It's pretty cozy. Attacking the walls here or opening the vault will cause the squares to unfold into waxy leathery gibbon mummys.  16 of them.

13. A trophy room with skulls and spears, hides and skins and whatever. Some of it is still good, other bits rotted away and/or spotted with mildy luminous mushrooms.

14. A dark room which light seems hesitate to fall upon. Robes and the 4th key are visible on the floor. 8 shadows lurk here and wait for a good chance to attack.

15 A training area with the downward end (it has sloped from the flooding) flooded. splishing around in the water has a 10% chance per round of attracting the albino piranha  swarm from 16. 100% if you are bleeding or wearing a liberal amount of bacon.

16: A tall narrow chamber flooded with deep cold water. Viscous thorny roots have burst from the ceiling and are wrapped around a skeleton of rhesus monkey in chainmail. It has the 5 key on it person.
The water is waist deep , except for a metre wide crack in the floor that drops about 100 metres down into a underground river. So.. watch out for that. Being in the water has 20% chance of attracting the attracting the albino piranha . 100% if you are bleeding or wearing a liberal amount of bacon.
There is also a decent shield and sword at the bottom of the room here.


Monday 14 May 2012

Scrawling over the classics part 7 Planescape, Arborea

Print Friendly Version of this pagePrint Get a PDF version of this webpagePDF


Wow. Arborea. I just read the entry on it. It is super ranger land. Like it's wilderness but BIGDEAL wilderness . Oh but to make it interesting there is elvish and  greek gods.
I don't even know when to began . Elysium is peaceful ruins .. with laser animals, and Mt Celestial is Trials and Kirby Celestials, beastland is super wilderness encounter world. Chaotic good huh... did I already do a oversized wilderness where-you-are-like bugs, yes yes I did in Beastlands. Okay I got it, Arborea is about freedom and potential, and the landscape is fantastic worlds that could never exist in such a cruel world, but here in Chaotic Good land they can, and animals absurd and friendly. Like the best kids books ever, a land of towering purple bouncy mushroom forests, rolling hills that are friendly turtles, edible clouds, and flying jungles. PICTURE DUMP (shit that was harder than I thought to find anything..)

 Arborea is populated with all kinds of impossible animals, while beastland has all possible animals, Arborea has pushme-pullyous, sidehill gougers, hoop-snakes and go here for more stuff.
The petitioners here can take the form of these beasts, weird creatures of their own imagination, or their original form. Some live raucous lives of adventure and wildness, others find contemplative realms to chill the fuck out but most swing wildly between the two. Petitioners here can't really be killed, and can regenerate from their original body or dissolve it and create a new one. This makes them even more reckless than the may have been in their original lives, and sometimes can be unaware that visitors to this realm  may not be so baize about their own safety.
Arborea is a mash of all kinds of fantastic realms, and they do not lead on from each other linearly. You can only find a realm depending on your intentions. If you are exploring it with plunder and bloodshed in mind, you are going to find realms of fierce punching arm trees and double-tigers. If you want a serene la-la walk you will get gently drifting blue warm icebergs, and rubbery purple mushroom forests and aerial brooks and mossy smiling frog statues.

As well as the usually upper plane crowd of devas, couatls, moondogs and solars and some stupid animal themed angels that I can't be bothered look up right now, there is the Galloons.
Galloons come in 3 flavours. They are like wild playtime monsters invented by 6 year olds. They represent the spirits of freedom, adventure, and running around like a maniac screaming your head off with the shear joy of being alive.
All Galloons regenerate 3 hit points a round in  Arborea, and if reduce to zero , they dissolve back into the substance of the plane, to reform next "sunrise". Outside Arborea they cannot heal at all, and lose 1 hitpoints a hour. If they die outside Arborea they are dead forever. Thus it's extremely rare to encounter them outside Arborea.
Also possess a low level empathy, allowing them to sense the intentions of any intelligent being who's presence they are aware of.
The Galloons that represent great big lovable brutes are called Hurly-Burlys. The appearance is large giant hulking things, that are somehow adorable in a fierce way. Each individual appears different, some a giant purple rabbits, some are blue muscle men with grumpy catfish faces , and some are boar-ladys.
okay so most people are thinking of Where the Wild Things are, and that is an inspiration for this, but not solely , Ned and The Joybaloo (anyone know the correct spelling of this book? I really wanted to use images from it but I couldn't remember the proper spelling of the title or the illustrators name.) , My neighbor Totoro, and the like also were. Anyone my point is, the illustrations from the original book "Where the Wild things" creep me out. I can't deal with them at all. That's why I'm not using them. It's like The yellow Submarine and some other art styles, it makes me feel sickened in this weird way and I don't know why.

They can change their size heaps, and can do great feats of strength, and are frequently building forts, or damns, and general doing what a giant 5 year would do. Maybe not the animal cruelty though. Although if you are looking for a epic brawl, Hurly Burlys will happily oblige.
Sussurruss (yeah fiend folio I don't care, using the name, you can call those guys Whispering Apes, or Snitherhulks or Hush) are incarnations of flying , swimming and movement. They are found rocketing through the skys and seas of Arborea, and can be bribed with tasty fruits to give people rides from one side of Arborea to the other.

They can fly equally well in air or water and know many secrets places of healing and riches in Arborea.

Finksters are the incarnations of mischief, hijinks, out-foxing people and the little guy triumphant. Anasai, Puss In Boats, Coyote etc. They have numerous illusion and shapechanging magics, and might just ruin your day by stealing all your stuff. But all in good fun. Um. Man these guys sound annoying. Have them more swashbuckler Merry highwayman than "the invisible pixie hits with a sleep spell and then steals your backpack" if don't want them to be dicks.


My whimsy nature is reflected by my choice to look like a bad tattoo 

Balls these posts take along time if I have to search for images. Anyway here's a thing.
a d12 table for random Arborea colour
1:Hurly Burlys building a damn. One looks like a sumowrestler with a slughead the other looks like a steroid hamster.
2.People wearing paint having a wild party suspend from trees by obliging spiders and their webs.
3:A raging free for all brawl between elves , barbarians, goats, and wildebeasts. All weapons are melons grown in the shape of weapons.
4. People sledding down a giant frog back into crystal waters.
5. Flying trees with squirrels doing stunts
6. A mushroom forest where all the mushrooms have been hollowed out and made to look like brass instruments. People waiting for the wind to pick up to start the contest.
7.Little tiny pixies playing polo on rabbits with a glass eye. Someone is trying to get the glass eye back.
8.A hot air balloon made to look like a shark smoking a pipe has crashed into a tree.
9.A sussurruss is trying to make the biggest waves it again on a lakeside bank with sonic booms
10. A finkster is doing the old shell game with some raccoon rangers
11. Dogs playing cards
12.A magical snail that can do anything to food, offers to turn random rocks and branches to food. "This boulder tastes like marshmallow, but do save room for the oak branch, it is a finely smoked cheese flavour"

Okay this table is for determining what the environment is like, modifier it by up to -4 for hostile enraged parties, and up to +4 if they are looking for a rest.

Then roll a 1d8

-3 Huge chasm with mighty rivers pound through them. Octopus cling to the walls and throw boulders at each other. A maze of nets and rope bridges guarded by tightrope walking ogres and jumping spiders eager for violence is strung above it. It periodically rains weapons.
-2 Fields of flaming grass with great icy basalt bisons lumbering along, which are a serviceable islands. Antigravity icebergs ricochet around shattering each other and bursting into steam.
-1 A mysterious inviting cave, with great vaulted halls and eerie lighting, huge flying bat-bears will respond to any slight disturbance with rambunctiousnity
0 Green grass plains but the land heaves and rises like a stormy ocean.
1 Fields of flowers, with strange perfumes. Sniffing a flower too close duplicates a random potion effect.
2 A Steaming swamp, that smells earthy, and somehow pleasant. The mud is warm and relaxing, and squibbons yodel through the goblin trees.
3 A forest of huge towering luminous mushrooms
4 A snowy plain, that is cold, yet somehow you feel warm as your mood dictates. The snow slowly molds itself into hills and beasts and back again.
5 A vast shallow lake, only ankle depth. A sun rise and sets every ten minutes and bizarre skimming frogs and geese alternative peruse the lake for food.
6. Everything is cake
7.A salt plain with mammoths that are limbless and vegetine,with green shaggy fur. They are rolling everywhere, followed by flocks of butterflys, insects and humming birds.
8. A beach of mighty mighty sand dunes and flying umbrella plants
9.A lunar surface with silver brooks and owls. The waters heal wounds at 1 hitpoint per round and are chill but not too so.
10. A festhall of epic portions, every hearty food, and merry song is here. Eating your fill here, gives you the effect of a bless spell for the next day.
11.A deep purple sky with flying whales above a pink frothy ocean with swimming cats. Soft thick mud islands are willy-nilly , on which can be found glazened chalk temples to various chaotic good deities. Most are uninhabited but a a few have a relaxed petitioner who will trade the casting of cleric spells for stories of peoples travels.
12. A forest of fruit trees, each one more bizarre than the last. Each fruit tree has a 1 in 4 chance of  its fruits duplicating a potions effects. (roll random potion but roll twice and choose the more benign result). Each tree has 1d20 fruits ripe enough to eat, and the fruits retain their powers outside Arborea but only if you do not pick all the fruit off the tree.

A 1d12 table of my players just rocked up here , need something to do, oh and they are like level 1.

1. The player stumble into a in progress game of Calvinball. Pertiioner and/or Galloons/ and/or random whatever are playing Calvinball. The players are playing too, like it or not. The prize for "winning" the game is something like a silver statue of a rabbit or +1 2 handed sword or a branch that grows flaming berrys or something.
2.Something adorable like a baby goat requests the p.cs aid to help a Hurly-Burly trapped on the other side of a portal. They have stuck their head in a magic amphora and can't remove it and it's too big to go through the portal. Aid and gratitude will be the reward for helping the removal of the amphora.
3.A angry gang of badgers confronts the p.cs. If they don't help them solve a riddle , they will beat them unconscious, take all their stuff and stick in a narrow warren.
 4.A flood! A dam has burst (or the landscape just felt like it) and water rushes through the land. The p.cs will have to find high ground or floatation devices, or wind up battered , half drowned, and separated.
5.A hurly-burly demands a battle! It will play fair and agree to submit if it takes a certain amount of damage appropriate  to the level of the p.cs. It will offer healing streams to any causality after the fight. It will offer a fine prize for victory.
6.A sussurrus grabs one of the p.cs and strands them in high high tree or absurdly narrow tower or bean sprout, and flies off. It has mistaken the p.c for someone else it need of a pranking.
7.A weakened ogre covered in bees , maddened with pain , is charging the p.cs way and will fight them if it sees them through its apisian doom.
8. A finkster challenges a p.c to wager and partake in an absurd contest, such as greased pig wrestling. It will have a sneaky  edge though , like a concealed invisible rope in the pig contest, or mimic disguised as a napkin in a pie eating competition.
9.A dangerous animal starts stalking the p.cs like a double-tiger, or Siege-Goose. It will make itself known in rustles and monumental glimpses, but will not attack unless they panic or betray a lack of confidence.
10.They enter Arborea (or the path is blocked) and find themselves surrounded by vast herd of hatted rhino. It is laborious to squeeze past the tightly packed rhino, and the rhino are not easily provoked, ignore curses, prods, shoves and being climbed on but if attacked in earnest they will promptly stampede. Which would be bad.
11. Treasure lies at the bottom of a strange pool. It is as normal water , but the surface tension is far greater, you would need a great weight to allow yourself to make it to the bottom of the pool. And then surface tension strangly acts against you again, making it difficult to get off the bottom. Mermaids in a neighboring stream, mock and try a lure the p.cs  into playing with them instead (tag or calvinball). They don't understand death is not a recoverable condition for the p.cs.  If ignored rudely they will cast charm spells to get their way. If attacked they will flee.
12.A limbless petitioner, still in quite good spirits asks the p.cs if they would not mind recovering their limbs, which are in the possession of large carnivorous squirrels currently.

One last table of stuff to lure mid to high level p.cs to the plain
 1.The location and capture of Impossible animals; either for "balancing" a ecosystem, a private zoo, or general mayhem
2. As above but the magical property of hides, eyes, horns etc.
3. To pass a vast wilderness they need the advice of a long dead ranger, who now inhabitants Arborea. He will demand tests to prove their mightyness. Such as fighting polar bears naked in the snow.
4.Usually blah blah lift the curse with this magic flower, but found here, guarded by X etc
5.A to B, Arborea has quite a few out going portals and if you can get on the good side of a Sururrus you could get dropped off right beside a portal to almost anywhere.
6.Blueprints for fantastic society's
7.Market places where anything could be traded for anything.
8.Lost relics of forgotten gods
9.Bizarre materials for making impossible buildings, floating rocks, warm ice, mood sensitive mud etc. And finding materials that can be removed from Arborea and still retain their properties.
10.Calvinball grand tournament and it's prizes
11.Fantastic vehicles and inventions of madmen, who live here , as it is the only place were it is possible to build what is in their dreams.
12.Finding teachers and trainers who can teach you impossible physical feats, such as stealing and shadow, or punching someone into next week.

Okay that's is done. Yes going to eventually do d12 tables for the planes I already covered for colour, low level, mid/high level. (low level is more "fall into the middle of something encounters", while the mid/high are more sand box bait. So keep that in mind.

picture unrelated. Except possibly as explanation for why these posts take far far longer if I have to spend too much time image searching

This book ---> right here, is what I'm talking about. Kid gets to sweet ass dream land with his magic buddy every friday. Hates everything but friday. Starts trying to use every day. UNTIL IT DON"T WORK ANYMORE, so he has to start getting high through everyday activity so his tolerance levels will drop enough for him to get proper fucked up again.
Its what lifes all about really. Relationships are all about managing the endorphin fix and spacing it out enough so you don't get tolerant of it. Oh and some how trying to think rationally enough to work out if the person you are getting buzzed off is actually fun to be around when you are not high on your bodys internal sex drug supply.

Sunday 6 May 2012

Better Photos Of Monster Manual Exhibiton

Print Friendly Version of this pagePrint Get a PDF version of this webpagePDF Someone who is more savvy with the old photomancy than me took these at the exhibtion months and months back.
Also? There is a blue giant crayfish, a mummy, a beholder and a basilisk that I have doubles of and will sell them to you for moneys. Check the page link up top right to find a picture of them. Email me at toiletWORDSDON"TTYPETHESEINTHEEMAILADDRESSworldultraSPAMSPAMISSTUPIDat
if you keen. 50 $ New Zealand plus shipping which is about 12 dollars.
And the posters are for sell too. They are $10.