Friday 25 November 2016


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Tickleboys are horrible.
If you game doesn't have goblins , it has tickleboys. If it has goblins or kobolds or gretchins it also has tickleboys and no-one is sure if they are tribe of them, or cursed ones, or a mutants and even all those half hitdice guys don't know and don't like them and refuse to talk about them.

they are there and ugly and the giggle and they sneak and hide and lick you in yoursleep.

a whole bunch of tickleboys come tumbling out of the cupboard too many to fit there . everything they touch is greasy and sticky.

they will steal babys and replaced them with too many babys 
they will tickle cows and turn the milk into clotted hair

they will swarm you with long pins and feathers 

they will kiss your feet and suck at your fingers 

here they come pulling so hard at their cheeks and turning themselves inside out for a game

laughing so hard they vomit and cry and bubble up snot 

Nothing they do is right, they can fit into spaces too small and eat things too big

hiding in your shoes, 5 in the left 3 in the left

Sucking up a whole pig in front of you, shitting coins into the hands of a blind beggar, cutting a guard dog into tiny pieces with little scissors. 

WhAt ARE They DOingg?

1. They have stolen all the towns assholes and everyone is swollen and sick now. They keep the assholes at the bottom of a deep well , where they will dart away from you like little fish. they are more interested in you finding this well than not finding it and will be lurking in the walls of the well to watch you try and catching these fleshy figs. Then they will follow and sneak up to unpick at any holdings of the assholes to let them bounce everywhere

2. they are sneaking into houses and smashing peoples heads with a big rock. They keep using the same rock and leaving in the centre of town afterwards, no matter where it's buried or thrown. they have hidden themselves in an old dead women and so spy from there.

3. they've filled the church bells with gross quivering eggs. No-one has got the courage up to try and remove them yet. If left the eggs will hatch out doppelgangers , if touched they will pop with sweet stink that will allow the tickleboys to find that person for ever after

4. The towns taverns rats have been shaved and blinded , running around senseless in the daylight.
The hair is melted with weird needings and snuck into the beer of the other town tavern. If the patrons keep drinking it , trichobezoar will grow up inside them until they die.

5. hidden under the rocks and stones of the river , they slurp up and demand a toll on the bridge. The toll is a wet kiss but they sometimes will suck the voice off the kissee and run off to tell all their secrets with it.

6. they have build a fine nest of pins and hooks and layed a golden treasure amongst it. They whispered rumours leading to it and wait with strings to pull the nest closed and then open again plucking the victim apart

Tuesday 22 November 2016


Print Friendly Version of this pagePrint Get a PDF version of this webpagePDF I used to think the name lich should be entirely replaced with "skeletor" but actually , no that's terrible. I mean anytime you think of using a lich you should just use Skeletor , but no liches should not be called skeletor's that's ridiculous .

Aerial servant : Cloud Goon
Anhkheg:  Hate-Mole
Beetle, giant : Insector Rex
Black pudding : The Chubber
Blink dog : Time Wolf
Brownie : Gomorrite
Bugbear : Shaggy Badtimes
Bulette : Dirt-Shark
Carrion crawler: Corpse-Sucker
Centaur : Manhorse
Cloaker: MkUltra
Couatl : Secret Serpent
Dragon : Horse
Dragonne : Suck-Beast
Dragon turtle : Gamera
Ear seeker : Brain Worm
Eye, floating : Scream Eye
Eye of the deep : Drowning Bell
Fungi, violet : Tubscelant Rotter
Gas spore : Exploder
Ghast : Sicker
Ghost: Space-Vomit
Giant : Daddy
Gnoll: Superdog
Gnome : Knob
Goblins: Tickleboys
Gorgon : Ambombibull
Gray ooze :Slunk
Green slime :  Prasinous Illness
Griffon : Mess-Bird
Halfling : Manlet
Hippocampus : Sea-Pony
Hippogriff : Donkey-Bird
Hobgoblin : Henrys
Horse : Lobotomized Brute
Intellect devourer : Escaped Brain
Invisible stalker : Secret Murderer
Irish deer : Hell-Moose
Ixitxachitl : Bastard of The Sea, Sea Bastard
Jackalwere : Garbage-Dog
Ki-rin : Elder-Dog
Kobold : Daniels
Lamia : She-Beast
Lammasu : MellowLord
Lizard man : Plutonian
Locathah : War-Fish
Lurker above : False- Ceiling
Masher: Knife-cod
Merman : Mermaid
Mind flayer : never use illithid "illithid is their name for themselves" no-one cares about their feelings, we don't have to learn this word, don't try and make these dollarstore lovecrafts seem Eldritch or whatever. They are man with a squid for a head that eats brains , that is both the description and bio of a toy a kid made by glueing their toys together, it's great 
Mold : Beard
Morkoth : Hynosquid
Neo-otyugh: Poop-Bluto
Nixie : Shellycoats
Ochre Jelly: Danger-Goo
Ogre : Bethany
Ogre mage(Japanese ogre) : Bethany-Chan
Orc : Sly-Simons
Otyugh: Poop-Popeye
Owlbear: Trash-Beast
Pegasus : Power-Elf
Peryton : Pain-Deer
Piercer : Stalagfight
Pixie : Sodomite
Portuguese man-o-war, giant : Tentacruel
Pseudo-dragon : Peep-Peep
Purple worm: Conquerer Worm
Quasit : Bad Idea Brian
Roper : these are a mess anyway CaveCops (thanks Nick)
Rust monster : Wrickets
Sahuagin: Sharkanoid
Satyr : Mangoat
Sea lion: Ocean-Savager
Shedu : Dude
Shrieker: Unfungus
Skeleton : Skeleton
Slithering tracker : Sucking Chyle
Spectre : GodSick
Sprite : Catamite
Stirge : Needler
Strangle weed: KillWeed
Su-monster : Brain-Ape
Sylph :SkyVixen
Titan : Ultra-Masc
Trapper: Unwelcome Mat
Treant : Thug-Tree
Triton : Aquaman
Troglodyte : Piss-Newt
Unicorn : Ponylord
Vampire : Batman
Water weird : Ghost-Snake
Will-o-(the)-wisp : Blights
Wyvern: Ultra-Vulture
Xorn : Dirt-Ghost
Zombie: Smelly Doug