Friday 27 April 2012


Print Friendly Version of this pagePrint Get a PDF version of this webpagePDF Commissioned polar and badger. Next commission is a groove tube ape, and maybe a elephant sparrow. Then the random number generator says "Shark, giant". Now normally I have been not doing multiple entries of the a monster if its feels redundant, ie giant beetle, diving beetle. BUt I wanted to make another shark because sharks are awesome. So are beetles actually. And it would be kinda fun to do a diving beetle and boring beetle.. I think I was not doing this because originally I was making them vaguely in alphabetical order and I did not have the patience to make 6 beetles in a row.  But meh.
Look the Monster manual didn't have pictures for every beetle, or a goat AND a giant goat. So I don't have to make them. That does mean I should make all the golems, but that's awesome. And all the dragons, which is also awesome. BUt the giants.... yeah fuck it I'll make all the giants. I'll work out how to make them interesting when I get there. Don't talk to me about the dinosaur entry , there's like 30 different dinosaurs. No. I love dinosaurs, but if I wanted to make a tonne of dinosaurs , I would of called this blog "Paleontology via the medium of pants; a amusement of craft". I kinda wish I'd call this "blog raggedy ass monster manual" but I thought of that title afterwards. Dinosaursssss. grrrrrAAA!
Hey so speaking of Blue rose roleplaying system, through NECROMANCY I have obtained what is apparently a  leaked 2nd edition Yeah, it's a little different setting wise and it uses a different system, but there's a link here
blue rose secret leaked 2nd edition! woooooo imma ghost
Yes! Its for realsy! WHatsa matter you don't trust spirits from beyond or something?
And look
here's a map of the new world . A map! That makes it DOUBLE CREDIBLY

and here's the photos of a polar bear and a badger being pals

The badger looks like he skips meals for caffeine and the bear, well the bear could give a fuck.

Monday 23 April 2012


Print Friendly Version of this pagePrint Get a PDF version of this webpagePDF Xorn! xorn xorn xorn? xorn xorn xorn xorn, xorn xorn!
Xorn. Xorn xorn xorn, xorn (Xorn) xorn;






Saturday 21 April 2012


Print Friendly Version of this pagePrint Get a PDF version of this webpagePDF I went all Chinese new year with the gold dragon. The werebear I gave pants to.
I realized after making the gold dragon that smaller limbs would give it a larger sense of scale. Strangely enough..

scrawling over the classics planescape number .7SiGIL

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Sigil is planescape really. So of course I would not  suggest any changes.
JOKES I will totally make changes! I will tamper with everything! I am a gremlin on special sauces with my scribbling markers and screw drivers and tamper hammers.

SIGIL , oh to go back  in time in and throw a copy of vornheim  through the window of the writers.
 But alas, time travel is only an option for advanced iguanas. My attempts will be a poor shadow of this not-to-have-been thing.
I'm just going to mentioned the changes I'm making, anything else, presume its the same. And refer to the original source material.

Anyway the torus shape of Sigil spinning atop the spire.
 I personally always found this made it seem small to me. 

So arbitrary change number 1, making the city entirely enveloping itself, until its a sphere, with the spires and rooftops jutting inward and the maze of sewer pipes and catacombs spidering out in all directions on the outside, like a ball smashing into glass but the cracks splintering out in dimensions rather than just one plane.

The city is entirely made of city
Sigil slowly grows , streets widen , stretch and sometimes sinking like continental plates.
 Underneath the streets are old streets and under these older streets, and under these even older.
 Pipes run through these streets taking waste and trash on a long winding journey before they void their contents into the void where Sigil ever spins.

Dabus occasionally descend into the depths to scrounge building materials. But mostly the depths are haunted by gangs and cults and human refuse that could not make it on the streets above. Ghouls and otuyghas occasionally rip into the pipes to provide a ready food source.

 Buildings that are marked with a white filled circle containing things that the Lady Of Pain does not wish to see the light of day. Disturbing these risks raising the Lady's peril. However it seems  anything she wishes truly gone would be never be found, so the  white circled buildings existence is suggestive of a perverse form of bait. 

Buildings further nearer the surface sometimes get used as dumps and junkyards , for areas the dabus don't reach. The building will be filled with rubbish from the top down, the contents then spilling onto the understreets. Sometimes a trash vein is abandoned and then later hollowed out by others.

The understreets are surprisingly deserted compared bustle above. Only the desperate or the mad really make a home down here. The reason for this is simple "out of sight, out of mind" . No dabus , no various peace keepers, not even mob justice. Fiends tiring of holding back their murderous urges come down here to hunt.
 Things escaped from wizards and vile priest labs lurk here. All the multiverse can lead here and so anything from anywhere can wind up below.

A both less and more subtle danger is present, as sigil grows and strains things below can get compressed and crushed without warning.

There is very rare marbled mineral that is created by these forces, like coal becoming diamonds, a cobble stone, skull, or trinket can be crushed and crushed again into it becomes this dark dark grey stone, like a thunderhead , with floating ribbons of red and purple in its opaque yet deep form. It is known as gutter pearl.

One more thing. The Drills. Two legged beetle things the front limbs and mandibles twisted forward and flared into scooped viscous ploughs. They work with the slow slow tides of the city, with the extrusions and the withdraws of the streets. Sometimes a disturbance in the undercity will bring them tearing up , to dig pits below the disturbs, plunging them down where the Drills with rush on them and mangle them to mortar.

The sun shines above all this. But the sun in sigil is in the middle of the sphere. It blooms into existence signaling the morning , swells to an angry red bloat at noon, and begins to wane and burn out, finally winking out signalling dusk.

THe Halfway to Everywhere, the Gate road is where it starts.
 A octagonal space spanning nearly a kilometre, the stone paving here is worn almost skin smooth and the gates scrap the haze of  weak cloud cover. The gates are rusted archs like weaponized fossils.  They lead to the gate towns corresponding to gehenna, abyss, pandemonia, grey wastes, baator,bytopia , mechaneus, mt celestial, elysium, beast lands, ysgard, canceri, limbo, archon, arcadia, bytopia, and arborea.
Everything from the outer planes makes its way to here. A constant stream of trade , vistors and lost clueless come in through the 16 great archs. Still the Gate Road always seems kind of empty, quiet even.

The Harmonium have the peace keeping position here. It took a lot of manoeuvring for them to do so, but it's mostly a show job. Anyone starting shit here is going to get mazed reaaaaal fast.

The main vein of trade goes to grand bazaar, merchants and traders operating from upper ward have runners that skim the best of the best. The rest go to the bazaar. Both the fated and the indeps are big here. The fated set up merchants cartels and the indeps set up unions against them. Both factions provide peace keeper here. The fated are easier to bribe but the indeps are more inclined to look the over the way for crimes that could be seen as "class war"

There is many many other portals in Sigil. Duh. But these are hidden or guarded or obscure.

I keep talking about Peace keepers. I've never liked the harmonium enforcing  the law in all of sigil. Sounds like a good way to have a civil war every other day. So let's make it a civil war in a tense cease fire.

 Sigil is divided up  (barring the hive and undersigil) under a myrarid of peace keepers forces. Of the factions Harmonium,and the Mercykillers, are most represented, then Belivers of the source (around the foundry), Doom guard ( in a couple distrincts in the lower ward), Indeps ( not so good with inter district cases), Athar (near their Sanctums), and Cipher ( without any formal structure). Peacekeepers funded by trader guilds, militarized residence associaltions, Clerics serving justice, law or community focused dietys, Gangs, or "community groups" take the rest of Sigil. The Guvners act as arbiters and mediators. Mercy killers as bounty hunters, taking commissions from applicants at their Grimhouses. Peace keepers operate either with the invitation and ongoing negotiation of residency associations, a previous long standing arrangements or as a dressed up protection racket.

Quick run down of what the rest of the factions do in the city:
Doom guard run a arena, various blood sports, weapons testing ranges, gladiator fights and anything involving the refinement of destruction
Bleakers, asylum
Dustmen, the mortuary
The Believers of the source run the foundry , which handles the big deal industrial building jobs and the wider city.
Xaostict make a mess and make the hive even more "interesting"
Sign of One, have the biggest autobiography library and public square
Athar run Sanctums, where they provide services that religons would. As well running a "witness relocation program" for people that are fleeing the wraith of their gods. Gosh they make enemys faster than the Fated
Ciphers, the gymnasium
Senstates, the library of all sensation (or whatever they call it).
Anarchists, also making a mess like the xaostects, but they will spend far longer explain why they do it.

Local colour of Sigil:
All kinds of detritus from everywhere plus
some animal native to just Sigil:

Lemure pigeons:
Pigeons that have stupid little human faces, as a defence mechanism there faces shift to look like someone loved by the predator. Sometimes they take face of someone that person will love but will have not meant yet. For anything that does not give a shit up about its stupid human face it relies on tasting like rotting cigarette butts

Dustbats: (or blunders, dizzes , fuzzbirds)
Fuzzy little balls of cute little fuzz the size of a fist, will nest in groups of dozens or so under roof eaves, behind wardropes, anywhere really. The name refers to the resemblence to a dust ball, not to any elemental aledgence. They are some what reckless flyers , maneuvarable but prone to crashing into stuff. The thick fuzz protects them from impact. This uncanny ability to crash into anything and everything makes them less welcome in houses that their insectivore habits would normal allow.

Roof Donkeys:
A donkey the size of a dog, wiry and cunning, and prestigious jumpers and climbers, one of the few thing capable of eating razor vine. Instead of the donkey hee-haws the Roof donkey has a surprisingly delicate warble.

A breed of whippet with a frog tongue. Somehow manages to look snobbish while licking up vomit

A 2 headed cat. Can projectile vomit at will. Foul tempered.

Actually a type of slater, when curled up look identical to a cobble stone.
(picture of ibis, but this is what an oil stork looks like)

Oil Stork:
a goofy looking sickly greasy stork. Can eat oozes , mold and puddings. Sticks eggs to gaps underneath roofs with weird goo like a horrible frog.

A trouble causing type of crow that's a near perfect mimic

A shadow of sparrow, eats the shadow of food. Food with no shadow tastes like crap.

Some plants! Plants are exciting!

Blackapple tree, a small scrubby tree that ignores gravity and on the side of buildings

Rust Blossum, a flowering bush that grows on metal and is made of rust, smells a little like jasmine and a bit more like menses. But in a nice way.

Arsonist's pillow, a bright yellow moss, that grows in dark , wet places (AND ITS A MOSS CRAZY!) which is good because it responds to sudden impact by bursting into flame.

New Player races!

Rag Dolls:
Cloth constructs that are capable of self replication ie baby making. No bones,but human organs and circulatory system. Flesh is stuffing, skin cloth, are sewn together, facial features either painted or sewn on, but as change as easy as meat faces. Can restore body if have access to sewing materials and fabric. Very difficult to tie up , can squeeze through tiny gaps. Can count as size modifier 1/2 when needed. More damage from fire.
            agility, luck +, awareness, int -

MAybe people tainted with negative plane energy? Maybe the descendants of some worshippers of a death god? Anyway these guys live in Sigil. They look like a person but with lips  torn off and black evil orbs for eyes, and fiendish piranha teeth. Hairlessness is common but not universal.
immune to disease, poison and paralysing  can only eat spoiled food and water, can't restore body points through healing magic, can't be raised or reincarnated.

Plane touched: sometimes planar travel can contaminate people . SOmetimes it can only show up a few generations later. Your saw bones advisers not travelling while pregnant
 Earth: have 3 faces like weird stone idols or some other earth type creature thing. Heavy builds, and or     grey 
                   skin. Protruding angular bones
                        strength, health +, agility, social -

Fire: swavy dwarves with beards of thick smoke that bursts into flame when they are anger or excited
                        agility, spirit +, luck, health -

Water: Marbled eel skin, rows and rows of evil fish teeth
                        spirit, health +, strength, social -
Air: hair moves slowly as if in wind, small sypth wings, clouds are seen in eyes
                        awareness, agility +, strength, health -

Salt: Skin cracked like a river bed in a long drought, eyes shriveled up to little sullen raisins , hair    bleached white or verypale
                                    awareness, health +, social, sprirt -
Ash: Grey skin, sunken in look , mouth cavity always pitch black, teeth like coal
                                    intelligence, luck +, health, social -
Dust:Skin like sandstone, raspy voices, sweat dust, hair falls out all the time, grows back and breaks down real fast
                                    strength , intelligence +, health, agility -
Vacuum: cracks in skin lets show a void that seems to suck at the light. Eyes pour out darkness. Always seem quieter around them
                                    agility, intelligence +, health, social -
Ooze: Always looks wet and sick. Eyes leak weird fluids, weird rubbery boneless movements
                                                social, agility +, health, luck -
Ice: Look like you froze to death.
                                                intelligence, health +, agility, social -
Smoke: Burnt black lips, glowing eyes, dark hair
                                                spirit, awareness +, health, strength -
Magma: Flowing movements, no outlines of bones, light shines out of mouth and eyes
                                                health, spirit +, awareness, social -

Mineral: Hair like spun silver or gold, eyes like gemstones, quartz shimmers in skin
                                    luck, spirit, +, social , awareness -
Steam: skin seethes and ripples, little vents open up releasing little puffs of steam. Always wet look.
                                    awareness, luck, +, strength, health -

Lightning: Eyes crackle with lightning, sparks play along skin. HAir stands up like near a telsa coil
                                    agility, luck +, social, health -
            Radiance: Coloured light pulse from under skin depending on mood. Its like light has been jammed under your skin. YOur   hair is freaking rainbow.
                                    spirit, intelligence +, strength, health -
Tieflings and Aasimar: as written
tieflings roll twice on random mutation table
Intelligence, agility,  +, social, luck, -

social, luck +,awareness,health -
+1 on all saves, food can be only be  digest if the person liked making the meal

Friday 20 April 2012

Game Brain Food

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Things that are farm animals other than goats get monsterized; in this case the sheep


sheep monsters asks for directions, lady obliges.



Player race? Familar? or War golem?

monster templates done right

vivasection done right?

that's convinient




Sunday 15 April 2012

Scrawling over the classics part 6 Planescape, astral etheral

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Blah blah blah shiny void,
One of them has dead frozen gods lying around. This is good, these are in astral now, and some of them are broken up, so there's like a big floating head or arm or whatever.
Athar setting up camps their drilling into god brains, learning how to kill them etc. Some god bodies are hollow, and githyanki use as citadel's or it's a dungeon or a prison. What ever. Note, gods are normally like whatever size their worshipers are, except when they die their carcass gets giant and turns into black glass and shows up here.  Because. Is very resistant to harm, but Githyanki have like horrible Ian milleresque siege engines that have silversword style magics concentrated on a tiny drill bit or saw blade, and they can painstakingly cut up or hollow out god carcasses. Athar have managed to trade a few of this of githyanki.
Cults of various gods who are now ex-gods camp out on their gods body and still have spells but are losers and their stupid imaginary friend is never coming back.

There's a mysterious bunch of people with holes drilled in their skulls, either 3rd eye still or heaps of little ones like a colander. Their brains glow really bright blue, so there's always light shining out of these holes.
They are called the Cult of All Dead Gods, and draw upon divine magic from all the god parts littering around the place. The believe when the astral plane is entirely full of god bodies, the bodies will rot and form a holy compost and a super tree will grow out of the holy compost and they can climb up the super tree and the true nature of reality can began with them as cosmic tree frogs or something.
They are not sure what the best fungus will be for rotting the gods, and are often busy tended elaborate lichen , fungus and mushroom gardens on top of the dead gods. They are on good terms with the Doomguard and Athar, and worshipers of Jubilex  , often trading various what-have-yous to obtain new molds and slimes to experiment with in god rotting. They are true neutral in alignment and only really give a poop about their spiritual superjob, and so can be quite happily be growing fungus on screaming alive people.
They have various horrible astral oozes contained in glass spheres and weird divine magic eating fungus growing on them sometimes.

Other attractings on the astral plane include Feral spells. Magic is somehow tied to the astral plane , and spells can get stranded and grow wild and sentient. A feral spell looks like an elemental made of things that only exist to people on bad drugs.

What? A random table? but.. this is quick post because I don't wanna speend half the night..
fuck it
Starting elemental:
2 water
5 mineral
6 lightning
8 radiance
9 ooze
10 magma
11 ice
12  smoke
13 salt
14 dust
15 vacuum
16 ash

 but then its all:
1 made up of horrible small people and or animals melted into each other
2 a big floating head that keeps vomit up another face which eats the first face etc
3 like geometric animal
4 acts and has all the visualness of base element but it's made of flesh, so if you rolled fire as the base, it would be flesh that somehow rippled and licked like fire. The flesh is 1 normal meaty colour 2 strobing  black and white 3 a unnatural bright hue 4  rainbows!
5 is tied into a mobias strip
6 flat and 2 dimensional
7 is unmoving, like a snapshot, but somehow physical attacks from it still resolve
8 like a combination of 2 different monster but still made of element

and it:
1. attacks from it use another randomly determined elemental or reverse , so ice elemental that burns, earth elemental forming tornados
2. give one randomly chosen spell which it uses every other round as a free action , usefully or not
3. converts your flesh into more of it's base element, healing from its attacks need SPECIAL MAGICS
4. randomly chosen spell comes into effect everytime it hits something
5. No magic can be used within 4 metres of it
6. Blinks as blink dog /displaced like displacer beast
7: Random chosen person within 100 metres is the only one that can see it. Invisible to everyone else (including truesight spells). Determine new person that can see it every 1d100 rounds
8 can only be hurt by non magic weapons/ weapons of a certain colour/ unarmed attacks
9 roll twice
10 roll thrice

And it's mind?
1. it is blind force, like a storm cloud or a flaming tree stump
2. Like a dumb kitten, is searching for a master
3. Has something of the mind of the original caster. Has one day memory though, so has keeps forgetting that is like an abomination of magic now
4. Has an imprint of the original caster, and also everyone that caster had sex with. The horror salad of personality wage constant mind war on each other
5. Like a bear on meth!
6. Coherent but alien

Oh poopdog , is it going to kill us?
1 no, not unless you speak near it
2. no, it is a gentle being , content with drifting and being made of stuff.
4. Yes, it has mistaken you for someone else
5. Yes, it is cruel and likes to ruin people
6 no, unless alarmed.
7 maybe but only if you come to close and ignore its warning dance
8 Mirrors the intent of the approacher

That's a bare skeleton of table. You get the idea.

Other denizens of the astral include the Norns , weird geometric things of glowing force bands.
They zoom about incredibly fast. The astral seas are totally their home. The current fashion of entertainment in their glowing alien culture is causing feral spells (by interfering with artifacts, sabotaging magical experiments, etc), capturing them (they have extensive force powers like Sue storm richards, so magic missiles , floating blades, lesser force walls .) and making them fight. Like pokemon. This guys are mystery glowing alien that create magical mayhem so their stable of feral spells has something else to fight.
They can't exist anywhere but on the astral plane, and have to use "colour pools" to get their feral spells into a prime material realm for their own amusement. If forced somehow to leave the astral plane, they are instantly destroyed. Here are the norns in descending order of power, starting at equivelent to 3rd level magic user, and progress to a 15th. They cast spells like a sorcerer , and just spells that you could conceivably reskin to being glowing light magic.








And.... what does the astral plane actually look like? The "top" astral looks like a thin sea of hazy polychromatic clouds and weird gross shell horns.
 Like the back ground here
with occasionally this:

The "top" astral leads to the outlands, where it overlaps with, the only outer plane accessible by astral travel. Overlaping means that the plane in question appears as ghostly out line on the astral and certain powers can be used on the people on the plane. Access out of the astral plane is either by leaving your body behind and using an astral body (which remains connected to your body by a silver cord) or accessing a special portal known as an colour pool.

The deep astral is the bit inbetween. It's more like this this this this. That's where you most likely to encounter the githyanki and Norns.
The Sideways astral is where all those bits of god corpse are. Then as going "lower" you reach the fringes where the astral overlaps with the prime plane and the ethereal plane. The ethereal is "down" where the astral is "up", the colour of the astral fades and it's black black ocean with the occasional gleaming dancing scratch thing

 The ethereal plane is black but not always dark. How far you can see is entirely variable, with out anything to reference for scale or distance, it is impossible to know if you a in particular patch of the ethereal where visibility extends for 1000 of miles, or where visibility is only a couple of metres. Meaning that suddenly seeming out of nowhere can appear horrible toothed predators like these happy guys below.

While the astral is connected with consciousness and belief  the ethereal plane is where matter dreams of being matter. Diving deep enough leads you to elemental planes, where the ethereal plane over laps the "top" fringes of the plane.dancing nothing things
Gleaming lines rapidly snaking and arcing, like lightning bolts or retina damage are the denizens (or possibly weather ). It is near impossible to judge how far or how big one is, and they seem to be just out of reach always. It's even complete unclear if they are alive or not. They do seem to be able to lead one into dreams,
 not in the way of unconsciousness but literally encounter something from your slumbers gloaming from the darkness. Further down and farther away are weird folded spaces where it is said you can find anything you have ever dreamed.
Why this is the ethereal and not the astral is unclear to sages. Neither is it clear if one projects oneself to the ethereal when one sleeps, or if the stuff itself of the ethereal molds itself to your hidden nocturnal realms.