I am wearing Fungus , results may vary

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Some armour "tags" for non conventional armours

Not Really Magically Armour Tags:

Climbing Aid: Has hooks, spurs , claws or helpful rope hoops to aid in climbing

 Non-ferrous metal: This armour is made from metals that are not ferrous so if the g.m tries it on with magnets or electrical attacks that ignore metal a.c you can be like nuh-uh non ferrous metal. Examples Um some kind of bullshit fantasy titanium or something.

Buoyant: It floats! Possibly too well. Examples coconut husk (see links at end of post, I suspect though that would sink), reeds, packed with kapok or some other plant fibre, bamboo, mushroom caps

Noisy: Ceremonial bells and clappers and chimes. Makes a lot of noise. Might be terrifying to a particular kind of spirits. Also lets animals know you coming a mile off so you are less likely to startle a bear or a snake or something.

examples: ring mail with little charms and bells attached, a internalized bag pipe system (also Buoyant!), layers of extraneous loose plating like scales, rings similar to those attached to a Buddhists monks staff (for warning away animals and to alert people within ear shot that there was a monk nearby for all your monk needs)

Custom: It's made just for you, so it penalizes other people wearing it , and when ever the g.m tries to be "that would be uncomfortable in armour" you have a reasonable amount of wiggle room to go "nah I'm sleeping in my armour anyway"

example: expert craft work, a clone of your own skin grown harvested and tanned, luke warm wax that is poured over you and hardens but remains soft at the joints, it's assembled by ants or homunculus on you.

Insulated: It counts as cold weather clothing. Examples untreated seal or walrus hide like just roped to your body, thick furs, sacks of hot ash (sending up blinding clouds when penetrated ), penguins, congealed fat coated cloth

Intimidating: it makes you look big and scary. Morale check for dumb things.

examples; big ass horns adorned with burning pitch , skull masks, ludicrous spikes, helmets that disguise and/or amplify your voice, mummy bandages or other monster disguises

Subtle: it's not that noticeable and can be worn under clothing or gives the appearance of clothing

Examples: fine chainmail, stylish black leather, reinforced great coat , dress reinforced with steel banding

Don't Touch Me: It is spiked , anointed in caustic paste, sharpened , barbed ,hooked , foul tasting or smelling or otherwise trouble .  Grappling or eating you cause pain or at the very least discomfort

Examples: barbs , hooks , etc, obsidian scales, covered in chili oil, thorns/insect stings attached with tar or sap, toad skin armour, hedgehog skin armour

Magical Armour Tags:

Ablative : this armour is designed to break away absorbing damage, either with a fixed pool of damage reduction (absorbs 2 points of damage until it has absorbed 12 points) or a "Shield must be Splintered" system. (you may sacrifice the armour to reduce damage from a blow to a single point)

Examples: A potion that makes you bleed  from skin , and then hardens into a thick scab crust, layers material frozen on you,  stitched together vermin , semi-real illusions or alternate reality armours

Possible non-magical examples pumice stone , quilted paper , cloth 

ehh. It not so bad ?

Share holder Parasite : This armour has a store of hit points that you can replace your own with when wounded. The percentage of hit points you have replaced as compared to your own however is its chance of making you do what it whats you to do. Once hit points have been replaced they are replaced for good. 

 Examples
Ground up Golem: this armour has an interior space filled with sand. Heavy but very good at absorbing force. The sand leaks out and replaces your spilled blood until you are replaced with maddened elemental spirit. 

Fungus: Starts inserting itself in your organs and blood supply . At some stage will want to convert your whole body to a fruiting body and get you to climb stuff and release spores.
Ancestral armour: empowered by cantankerous committee of ancestor spirits. Possible unaware, possibly just uncaring that the current wearer of the armour is not their descendant. Because they are going shove your soul straight out of your body, you good for nothing gadabout!

Workaday Parasite: the magic properties of this armour are powered by your life force. It skims the first 3 hit points of any healing you receive but this armour cannot be disenchanted like a standard magic armour.

examples: Transparent glass , inserts needles into you and fills itself with your blood

A tangled mat of leeches, armour hide that grows into you and has to be cut lose to be removed (troll skin)

Space Warping: Using magic principle as those involved in creation of portable holes, bag of holding and carpets of entrapment, missiles pentrate this armour but fail to ever reach the flesh on the other side , mere fabric millimeters away.
It has a limit to how much it can absorb though. At which point it releases all the missles outward from the wearer in a fearsome torrent of pointy shit.
Variant 1: as above but each missile is not stored but redirected and released 1d10 rounds/minutes/hours later
Variant 2: the interior distance of the fabric is greatly stretched but the missle will still make it through, but a hour later. Wearer is advised to not be wearing it then. Or turn it inside out before hand.

Anointed: armour is not ignored by ghostly hand touch attacks or stuff that just has to touch "you" but not your skin exactly, for the magic to work.

Examples: woven witch hair, mosaics , inscriptions , mummy bandages, calligraphy (on the armour or attached paper) , ghosts or protective spirits incorparated into the armour, talismans in the form of teeth , bone, skin or gems.


Secretions: the armour secretes a fluid or oil. This might make it silent, slippery , fire resistant , highly flammable , insulated (cold or electricity) or just gross.

Examples: decorative spouter gargoyle heads as  pauldron , drowned perpetually wet haunted armour, polyps oozing away merrily , algae clots , symbiotic ooze or giant protozoon . Xenophyophore ? or an oversized Foraminifera?

Hive: insects live in the armour, either through specialized compartments or incorporating the hive in the armour. They may be capable of repairing the armour or just sting and bite the shit out of your enemies. This could be non magical if you were somehow secreting the pheromones that would make the hive believe you to be their queen,

examples: ants, bees , wasps. Little naked versions of you. Flies in a semi rotting organic armour. Fur with charmed fleas that infest and bedevil your foes 

Sustaining : the armour is capable of giving you food , water or air.

examples: symbiotic algae, plant or fungus which converts sunlight , or your own detritus into substances. Still suits from dune. Biotech. Bonded Air elemental. 

Weaponized: has built in or concealed weapons, or weapon potential. Maybe melee or missile, only suitable as a back up or actually formidable enough to rely on.
Examples include coconut husk weave with trimmings of animate rope with sharks teeth as for a chain saw like effect  or extend as a whip like radula .
Judge Dread/Death (skeletal) eagle pauldron that can be commanded to strike as a heavy crossbow. Quills .
 Hatchet head helm. Nematocysts (possibly ranged), seed pods or acidic spore blasts. Concealed chains or spine with snapping skull. Animal skull gauntlets . Sashimono that converts to a spear or stave.



coconut husk armour from the Kiribati http://web.prm.ox.ac.uk/weapons/index.php/tour-by-region/oceania/oceania/arms-and-armour-oceania-222/ 
(notably often using a dried puffer fish as a helm)
also the stuff about their martial art schools http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_of_Kiribati

Battle Princess Limit Horizon Final Catharsis Form

Print PDF REY REY REY ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY
SO you wanted ... shit can't find the actually comment, but something to do with Battle/Murder Princesses flip the fuck out mode/ final form. Maybe there was a table? <waves hands indifferently>

(so if you want this post to make some sense go look at that link above)

no wait I found it  "I want tables/pictures for/of Slaughter Queens. They are what happens if Murder or Battle Princesses lose their shit at high level."

SO here is a crude mash of tables and mechanics. The mechanics especially are prob all out of wack for your game and the tables are not really balanced or weighted with much thought .

Choose/ Use /or Abuse as you see fit.

Also I will do and scan the pictures later, for now enjoy beavers.

Okay so the general shit for the   "Limit Horizon Final Catharsis Form" is that you get combat advantage , can add your mighty deed die to damage rolls, and get damage resistance = to any charisma modifier and may add your charisma modifier to saving throws.

YOu will need a trigger to activate your form, which can be found below. A trigger is like a situation where the Battle Princess is pushed to the limit and they flip out get real good at stuff but all like glowing and one winged angel. Well maybe not one winged angel like the boss form before one winged angel. Look I couldn't bothered trying to describe some of Japanese final video game boss forms so I dialed it back a little.

Anyway your  "Limit Horizon Final Catharsis Form" lasts until the situation is resolved or you die or the scene finishes. A dramatically appropriate amount of time etc. IF the situation is radically changed the  "Limit Horizon Final Catharsis Form" might end early. Like... if you were flipping out because your one true love was captured and was going to be feed to a SUPERTACO and then it was revealed she was not real and just a figment of your untreated psychosis that would mostly likely break the mood.

Although its possible that the new situation might meet continue to meet the criteria for  "Limit Horizon Final Catharsis Form" , or meet the criteria for a different  "Limit Horizon Final Catharsis Form" trigger.

See I gave each type of Princess 2 triggers , one for each alignment axis. You might instead just prefer a list to choose from , the players to write their own, or something that is justified on the spot.

You can have it also that to use , say the Chaos BEHOOOOLDD!! table you need to have activated the Chaos Trigger. OR allow the player to choose.

Dunno. Decisions Rey, decisions.

So you can activate your  "Limit Horizon Final Catharsis Form" once per level. You can first do it at level 6, but get an improved version at levels 9 and 12.

Your  Limit Horizon Final Catharsis Form  needs a trigger, gives you powers and shit and has a cost.

At level 6 you roll an d6 (exploding) on the AT WHAT COST and the BEHOOOLLD! table

Treat numbers above 12 as 12

note on exploding d6s: if you -1 from each roll after it explodes you can avoid "skipped numbers" like 6  and 12.

At level 9 you roll an d8 (non-exploding) on the AT WHAT COST and the BEHOOOLDD!! table.
YOu may roll on both tables once or twice in the one Limit Horizon Final Catharsis Form if you choose to do so


At level 12 you roll an 1d12 (non-exploding) on the AT WHAT COST and the BEHOOOLLLD!! table
You may roll on both tables once , twice or thrice in the one Limit Horizon Final Catharsis Form if you choose to do so

NOW FOR TABLES!!!

Also I decided to make 9 different kinds of Battle/murder princesses one for each of the alignments, that I don't think baronvania uses anyway so maybe Rey will just jam them all together or assign them along personality lines or mix and match


...
I haven't come up with sweet titles yet either. But like this post has taken hours and hours and I just want to hit publish already.
The titles will happen when the pictures happen.


CHAOTIC GOOD

Form :  Your armour and weapons appear fluid and part of you, like you are a beautiful new animal, too quick for the eye, laughing aftertrails and sparks flicker and hum after you

Chaos trigger: There Is No Hope Of This Plan Working All Is Lost

Good Trigger: Live Free Or Die

NEUTRAL GOOD
 Form: Incandescent with  sweeping arcs of light , and a bone shaking voice with great wings of ice and fire

Neutral Trigger: Everything is Hopeless, Polarized and Extreme, Is There Another  Way?

Good Trigger: Their Motivations Are Finally Revealed As Senseless And Vastly Cruel

LAWFUL GOOD

General form:  Ornately armoured  , intricate  in pattern and form, big mandala like cogs and wheels rotating behind, seem heavier , more real and solid than every thing around them.

Lawful Trigger: Laws Have Been Broken In Such A Way As To Threaten To Shatter All Belief In Them

Good Trigger: So Many Are Counting On You Can You Bear The Cost?


CHAOTIC NEUTRAL

Form: A broiling maelstrom whips around you, your form appears to tear into space itself ,your form flickers and twists like the most fecund of glitches

Chaos Trigger: Nothing Will Change Unless Everything Is Destroyed

Neutral:  Your Allegiances Are Turned Against You But You Are Beholden To No-one And Nothing

TRUE NEUTRAL

Form: A grey flame erupts around you, your eyes send out searing blue beams, you bestride a great iron ball, and you have 12 arms

Neutral Trigger: Only You Can Judge The Truth Here And Act Truely


CHAOTIC EVIL

Form: Big black pain tree like horns , Your mouth stretches and distends the teeth grinding and singing  , the earth you step on quickens with poisonous life

Evil Trigger: A Frustrated Appetite Is At Long Last A Chance To Sate

Chaos Trigger: A Great Chance To Show Everyone Just Want  A Fragile Joke Everything Is

NEUTRAL EVIL

Form: Your Armour is Buttressed with Myriad skeletons with bones of vermin and agony, a tattered Cloak of Despair and face of Nothing But A Hungry Void


Neutral Trigger: Let Me Show You How Little I Care

Evil Trigger: Here Is Chance To Be Cruel As Never Before



LAWFUL EVIL

Form: You glow gold and true , your hair is razors , you sit on a throne made of sewn giants and iron, it walks like a carcass picking bird with cruel spear legs

Law Trigger: I Will Finally Be In Charge

Evil Trigger: You Dare Defy Me? Don't You Realize That You Are Mine?



BUT AT WHAT COST??? TABles
Good Costs:
1. You can never use your "Limit Horizon Final Catharsis Form" again unless defer the full exp for your next level up to regain this.
2.The next month must be spend helping the unfortunate
3.Give away any and all wealth to the needy
4.Vegetarianism. Compulsory. Also who ever grows or prepares your food must be fairly compensated and not under duress. Otherwise you cannot digest anything.
5. Sad stories always make you cry. Always.
6. You are compelled to fulfill any request for help. It is physical debilitating for you to not do so, -2 to all actions for the next week.
7. You are physically sicken if you have to tolerate evil. Con save or be Nauseated
8. You empathize with others to a challenging degree.
9. Lose 500 exp every time you take a life.
10.You will not be able to sleep until you have made amends for any badness done or spend the majority of your time in the process of amendment.
11. You gain no exp for the defeating of non-evil creatures or beings.
12.You are no longer so sure about this Good thing.

Like man people are just dicks. You give and you give and they just take, take, take. But what about me? How come I gotta bust my ass to save some people too dumb to live?

 Until you level up next you count as different (non-good) alignment of your choice and deduct 25% of any exp you earn until you level up. After you level up you make keep this new alignment or reverted to your old one.

Neutral
1.You can never use your "Limit Horizon Final Catharsis Form" again unless defer the full exp for your next level up to regain this.
2.You count as all alignments for purposes of effects based on alignments
3. You will lose an hour each day to bizarre prolonged staring contests with random animals. That's just how neutrality rolls.
4. You have a 50/50 chance of hating or loving anything new to you when first encountering it.
5. You feel compelled to give away half off everything you own.
6. You will feel the opposite of any strong emotion present in interactions with people
7. Indecisiveness haunts you like a bad pie. -1 to initiative. IF you do group initiative resolve your character last in the group
8. You must murder a bard.
9. Your personality becomes its near opposite on alternating days
10. If anyone offers to explain their point of view to you,  you must stop everything and listen to them
11. For every action you take you must also do its opposite. As a geas spell
12 You are no longer so sure about this Neutral thing. Like.. what the fuck is Neutral anyway?
 We don't even have like Neutral guys like chaos has Slaad and Law modrons and demons and angels but neutral? What the fuck is that? Balance? That's not even a position that's like just shrugging your shoulders and going "I dunno I guess" . That's not really something I want to die for you know?

Until you level up next you count as different (non-neutral alignment ) of your choice and deduct 25% of any exp you earn until you level up. After you level up you make keep this new alignment or reverted to your old one.

Evil
1.You can never use your "Limit Horizon Final Catharsis Form" again unless defer the full exp for your next level up to regain this.
2. Your shit is messed up. You are now addicted to 1d4 drugs
3.Healing magic doesn't work on you.
4. You know what is fun? Nothing. Nothing is fun. Ever.  -4 charisma. And other game effects relating to never enjoying anything ever.
5. You smell like over ripe death.
6.Genuine  displays of kindness make you physically sick. Con save or be nauseous , as a stinking cloud spell
7.Ever day you must badly hurt or kill something that means you no harm or you will not be able to sleep.
8. Does anyone actually like you? Well now you will have to kill and eat them, unless you wanna die a slow wasting death.
9. Did you even read the warning label on that packet of  evil? -2 constitution.
10. You can only absorb nutrition from eating live babies.
11. Someone in hell owns you.
12 .You are no longer so sure about this Evil thing.
Like sure strength man , its good to be strong and get that guy before he gets you . But,  like, love, man. Love is real. Love is real too.
 Until you level up next you count as different (non-evil) alignment of your choice and deduct 25% of any exp you earn until you level up. After you level up you make keep this new alignment or reverted to your old one.

Chaos
1You can never use your "Limit Horizon Final Catharsis Form" again unless defer the full exp for your next level up to regain this.
2 Mutations! You get a mutation! Chaos is kinda predictable like that.
3 A random delusion takes a grip on your head. Not a big one, just enough to kill a conversation stone dead if you bring it up.
4. Your impulse control takes a turn for the really bad.
5. You have no sense of certainty in yourself or anything. Like it could just change at any moment for no reason. -2 to any will saves.
6.You respond really bad to authority. Like it takes an act of will not just to flip out at the slightest restriction of your freedom
7 A lot of Slaadi are coming to party with you at some point.
8 Your next level up must be a random other class. Rey do you use multiclass rules? Well You should. You may not level up this new class again. You are bored of it.
9. Your threshold for boredom is abysmal. You may not stay still or inactive for longer than 5 minutes. It is physically painful you to try and do so
10. You must destroy something enduring or create something unique everyday.
11.Coherent thought often eludes you. -2 intelligence
12 You are no longer so sure about this Chaos thing.
 Like what I got to be random all the time? Isn't doing stuff for no reason a reason in itself.? Look mutations were cool when I was a teenager but shit man , when you get older , dignity becomes a thing too okay? Sometimes I want to be able to find  where I put things and this place is a fucking pigsty and is it so wrong to want a little stability in my life?
Until you level up next you count as different (non-chaotic) alignment of your choice and deduct 25% of any exp you earn until you level up. After you level up you make keep this new alignment or reverted to your old one.

Law
1.You can never use your "Limit Horizon Final Catharsis Form" again unless defer the full exp for your next level up to regain this.
2. The next month must be spend make a mind numbingly through record of your life to date
3. No sense of humour. -1 charisma and wisdom
4. You will never dream again, and distinctly lack any imagination. -1 charisma and wisdom
5 . 29 hours from now a Septon Modrom and attendants  will require your use as a guide in the local realm. They will have all the question about everything all time in such detail you have no idea. This can be temporary deferred with appropriate paperwork. The paperwork is insane.
6. Any discussion with chaotic aligned peeps will make you unreasonably (ho ho) angry.
7.You may not be raised or resurrected
8. If you have broken any laws of a legitimate* authority
9. You can never lie again.
10. -3 to any saves vs effects generated by lawful beings or items
11. Breaking any law of legitimate* authority will effect you as a Symbol of Pain
12.You are no longer so sure about this law thing.

 Like..who's laws are we talking about? and how can anything be truly objective anyway? Post modernism raises some good points and those Modrons man. With the fucking questions all the time. Like Fuck, I don't know why we do things like this and yes it could be more efficient but just shut up you are a fucking cube shut up shut up shut up.

Until you level up next you count as different (non-lawful) alignment of your choice and deduct 25% of any exp you earn until you level up. After you level up you make keep this new alignment or reverted to your old one.

*so that are coherent and more or less consistent, not just stuff someone makes up on the spot, but does include peoples that you might be at war with.

BEHOOOOLDD!!
This is additionally powers and transforms that happen

Good
1 Rainbows: A rainbow appears, it can act as bridge for anyone you like , and is treated as direct sunlight for purposes of evil stuff that hates sun light
2 Unicorn Horn: You have a unicorn horn. It is a +3 weapon and can cure medium wounds
3 Suicide Doves: You have 2d6 suicide doves, each one may be sacrificed to reduce the damage from any attack by a 1d6
4 Sun Bow: It's a bow of sunlight. +3 weapon and does an additional 1d6 holy and an additionally 1d6 fire damage. It can be used as weapon or directed to fire by itself , in which case not getting your hit bonus.
5 Bountiful Steps. Plants grow and and flower where ever you step. Grows goodberrys (as the  spell +  and acts as an entangle spell for evil people
6 Angel Wings : you can fly and hover and shit
7 Glowing Armour of Light like a big robot exo skeleton, +4 a.c and is treated as enlarge spell at a magnitude = to your level 4
8 Burning/ Healing Aura: All evil creatures within 30 feet of you take 1d6 damage per round, all good heal 1d6
9 Great Shield +3 shield that hovers and maybe directed to help other people
10 Celestial Sound Track :ethereal yet visible animals and cherubs and fairys with trumpets and drums play epic orchestral sound track. Cancels any harmful sound based effects directed at you or your allies and acts as a prayer spell
11 Healing Grail: Your armour acts as ring of regeneration
12 Crystal Pegasus Centaur: You are now a crystal pegasus centaur



Neutral
1 Glacial Form: You are made of ice. so do not need to breath , immune to cold and possibly damage resistance depend on how being made of ice generally works in your game
2 Mirror Shield: +2 shield with Gaze reflection and additional +2 bonus against anyone with inner conflict
3 Adaptable Weapon: your Princess weapon may take on any additionally tags as you wish
4 Healing Roots : If you stay in one spot for 2 rounds you may heal your level in hitpoints each round
5 Shark Missiles: You have shark heads for shoulder pads and can fire them off as missiles for 1d10 damage
6  Eagle Wings With Razor Feathers: You can fly and hover and shoot feathers like a manticore with spines
7 Flying Disc: Treat as flying carpet
8 Multiple Weapons: You have a weapon in each of you multiple arms. They are treated as your Battle Princess weapon and you can attack 1d4 times each round.
9 Cannons: YOu have 2 cannons as shoulder mounts or maybe boobs. They can fire every other round and have no hit bonus but ignore armour and do 3d8 damage
10 Moa throne: Like one of those easter island heads but with throne ontop. Carrys you around does your bidding treat as an earth elemental
11Healing Moon: A moon appears above and may heal 1d4 hitpoints per round on you and your allies or be used immediately for a Heal spell
12 3rd Eye Of Truth: you have a 3rd eye, it acts a true sight spell and anyone who thrives off deception takes 2d6 damage per round if they look at you



Chaos
1  Mutations: Roll on a handy mutation table until you get something you like or 4 times which ever comes first
2 Constant ShapeChanging: Each round you may increase 2 stats by 1 for that round only, each round you must choose different stats
3 Bad Luck aura:Your shadow is large and constantly taking mocking forms Anyone you dislike now fumbles on a 1 to 3
4 Hydra heads tiamat style: You may forgo your normal attacks and do your choice of cold/fire/poison/acid/lightning breath attack against one target for 1d12 save for half
5 Gravity Shearing: Down for you is what ever way you want
6 Tornado: Treat as an air elemental
7 Lightning Eyes: Any round in which you roll a 3 on d4 you may release a lightning bolt doing 3 d6 damage
8 Tetsubo 1d20 damage. Do not add strength bonuses
9 Havoc Bears: 1d4 bears appear that do not give a fuck.
10 Godzilla Spines and Nuclear Breathe:nuclear fire breathe maybe used in any round in which you roll a 3 on d4. It does 4d6 damage 30 foot long cone 20 foot at the widest end save for half.
11 Butterfly Wings: Fly and hover. Glitterdust on any round in which you roll a 3 on a d4. If you roll two 3s in a row , counts as a confusion spell. Include any other chaos BEHOOOLD power for purposes of rolling 3s in row ie Nuclear fire, lightning eyes
12  Everything Is Spikes and Fire: Anyone coming near you must dex save or take 2d8 damage


Law
1.Point Defense System: gems fly around and shoot lasers at things . This is like the shield spell + plus any projectile has its damage reduced by 1d6.
 2.Gavel Fists : Do 1d8 damage or heal 1d8 damage on structures or constructs
3 . LO!  Declare what you are doing at the start of a round before everyone else does. Anything that would prevent you from doing that in this round that allows a safe to resist you automatically make.
4 Homoclous Repair Team . Tiny versions of you repair you or nearby structures, 1d4 each round. They will be destroyed by any area of effect attacks doing more than 6 points of damage.
5 Stone Form: You can take a immobile statue form. It does breathe and etc and counts as if you had cast the stoneskin spell a number of times = your level. You may stay in this statue for as long as you like, even centuries.
6 Speech Of Walls: You command some walls to form. As Wall of Stone
7 Big Wheel: Your lower body is a huge wheel. You can inflict 2d8 trample damage and burn around as fast as a double horse
8. Sullen Ox Face OF Judgement: A Ox face floats above the battle and prevents any of your foes from scoring critical hits, ie 20s are treated as usual 
9 Duplicates: You may split yourself into any combination of your total levels
10 Murder Cube: You turn into murdercube. You count as a construct for purposes and get +2 a.c 
11 Wrathful Geometry: Animate Object once per round as a free action on any platonic solidish shaped object. Animate objects do an additional 1d8 Order-Is-Mighty damage
12 Floating BOok Of Truth: A huge book floats around behind and narrates things in a loud voice. Before you do a single action in a round you may roll the dice to see what would happen. If you choose not to do that action you roll the dice as usual for whatever you decided to do that instead.


Evil
1 Scorpion Tail:Large, grows out of your head , butt or shoulder. attacks a random target each round , 1d6 + poison
2 Insect Limbs: A variety of not placed well limbs Spider Climb and Reach for your weapon
3 Sick Strength: You get huge veiny muscles that look all sick. Your strength is 18, or +1 with already 18.
4  Insidious Tongue: You have a big old eel of a tongue and if you spend a round talking to someone it counts as a command spell
5 Tears of Ruin: Gross poison leaks out of your eyes and other openings and coats all your stuff. All attack do an additionally 1d6 evily-corrusivey-poison damage and damage is automatically inflicted on anyone grappling you or licking you.
6 Bat Wings Of Despair: You can fly and hover and if you spend a full round flapping at some one they must save or be catatonic with despair for 1d4 rounds
7 Scourge Cloud: If you concentrate the 30 feet area around is effected by a stinking cloud/ insect swarm combination
8 Blood Army : each time you take 10 points of damage , a lemure or manes is summoned
9 Pain armour: You blood and rage scabs up and improves your armour. Each time you are hit you get +1 armour. This bonus is lost when you successfully hit someone
10 Burning Aura: Anyone you hate takes 1d6 damage if they are within 30 feet of you each round
11 Corrosive Shadow : your shadow does 2d6 disintegration damage. If its not obvious where your shadow is , someone has a 25 % chance each round of being in your shadow
12 Vorpal Claws: big crazy long and thin claws, 1d6 damage and act as Vorpal Sword

derangers+encounter table for arabian nights

Print PDF Ryan Silva asked for some fluff for a class based on crazy.

 By fluff , I presume you mean the descriptions and all?
I have some what done this!

Actually I think I wandered off and did something else.

DERANGERS

So wizards get by on what they know and clerics who they know and everyone else gets by on what ever they get their hands on.
 Derangers however are simply wrong, but too stubborn, dumb, or crazy to realize that they are. ANd that kind of works for them. For awhile any, there is only so long you can cheat luck and casuality before it comes a piling in on them. 6 paths.

charisma : Alienist  destructive resonance mimicry. You mimic someone exactly but just a little bit off setting off existential collapse in the viewer. someone that just cannot quite get social cues . Always too loud or too quiet or too soon. Treat any negative charisma modifiers as positive for purposes of adding to hit and damage rolls against intelligent foes. If using stat checks, roll over charisma for intimidation, bluff or any social situation that doesn't require the other party to like you afterwards . An Alienist risks total catatonic ego collapse.

wisdom . Delusionist. If you believe hard enough its real for you. Can perceive patterns in unconnected events and then influence them anyway. Risk seeing everything so interconnected that they dare not take a single step lest it set off a lethal chain of consequence. Treat negative modifiers to wisdom as positive as long as you can make up an explanation for everything. As soon as you hesitant on a explanation or get caught out on a contradiction it is negative again.  

intelligence: Faker: not a real wizard. Sometimes not a real anything.  Suspected rogue illusion .Manages to cast spells but not the same one twice. Risks losing hold on their own reality.
http://spellmix.pushingcows.se/ (thanks to Jensan Thuresson)

constitution:Wretch: a hypochondriac that makes up new diseases to fight the diseases they already have. It works most of the time, making them a dangerous petridish of virulent mystic plagues. Risks losing the delicate balance of ills and vomiting up organs.

strength: Beast: Those guys that think they are a werewolf. You actually get the stats of the werecreature with the hitdice nearest your level, but must spend a equal amount of time with the mentality of the prey animal/plant

dexterity: Loon: drunken master even when sober


Jensan wanted an Arabian nights encounter table for a harbour city.
 (roll a d12 for night time, 2d6 for day time)
Which is funny because I was reading some of it the other day. Man some of the originally stories were filthy. That one about the 3 christian knights is basically paragraph after paragraph about how they smelt like farts and would steal the teeth from their own grandma while sodomizing a black slave. While farting.  I'm serious.

1 . Ghuls gambling on fresh body parts
2. Wailing woman. She has lost her family to a curse/Jinn/scheming vizier
3. Mysterious fountain. Will speak riddles and inflict curses for those that fail to deriddle the riddle.
4.Guards enforcing bizarre edicts of Sultan.
5.Trained Monkey or Dog or Parrot. Possibly all 3 in a gang. probably cursed with a long story behind it
6. Pickpockets
7. Cursed beggar with long story about what happened.
8. Enchanted animal being sold as ordinary animal, pleading for help. Because curse. Has a long story behind it.
9. Street Cobras.
10. Scheming Merchant , really disguised genius/scheming vizier/ Jinn. Has a scheme to get around the curse on some treasure.
11.Mischievous Pair of Jinn looking for a truly good being and a truly evil being. Because wager.
12.Ghost with a long story and a curse.


Look here is random generate for some of these storys and schemes:
http://www.random-generator.com/index.php?title=Arabian_Nights-Ish_Scenario_Generator

Magic Drugs

Print PDF Deadtreenoshelter wanted some magic drug results.
Random table?
Or random tables with unnecessary subsystem?

How this works. Character takes a drug , they roll a d4. An exploding d4. When/if it explodes the next time that character takes that drug they roll a d6. An exploding d6. If it explodes, next time that character takes the drug they roll a d8. All the way to an (exploding) d12. Each time the character moves up the dice chain they will need twice as much of that substance to get any effect at all.

An overdose happens if this roll reaches 12 + their con modifier.

Assume 6 hours for the duration of any effects if not otherwise mentioned. For spell effects assume level 4 for purposes of duration.`

Some drugs when you reach a certain die rolling threshold , after which you are addicted. If you stop taking the drug you suffer withdrawal effects.
Here is some magic drugs:

FLUME: the vapours, sweet mist, broil
a thick paste that is heated in bowls and then resulting bowl trapped vapour is inhaled. The paste is microorganism invested volcanic mud. OR mudman essence depending on your levels of fake science.

General effects are warm pleasant feeling and languidness, relaxing both mentally and musclelly. Like a big cup of lemon ginger , tiger balm and codeine.
 OTher effects:
1. Smoke gentle puffs out of ears, drench in sweat, will need to drink 4 times as much water
2.Overheat and pass out for 1d4 hours
3.Resist cold (as the spell)
4.Heal 1d6+1 hitpoints
5.Counts as if had a nights rest.
6.Skin gets very soft and tender. Armour or even clothing is very uncomfortable, like -2 to all actions uncomfortable.
7.Patches of hair fall out
8. Temporarily lose of 2d6 points of dexterity for 2 days.
9+ character chooses any of the above , overdose on 12+ con modifer

Addiction for flume happens when they start rolling d8s.
Withdrawal means anything less than sauna temperatures effects them as freezing weather.
Lasts a week.

Overdose: gradual internal combustion , you take 1d6 each round for an hour unless submerged in freezing water. Also con save or lose 1d4 points of dexterity.

Long heavy use include excessive sweating, bloatness and hairloss.

. ANGELSHIT, angleshit, distal, stretcher
General effects include time dilation, alertness, sharpened spatial awareness.
Commonly taken as tiny black beads that are held under the tongue, like a ball bearing of frozen oil.
Its obtained by collecting and  refining the dark dew found on spider webs near the throughfares of night-guants.

1. VOmiting. Character spends the next couple of hours throwing up.
2.They may reroll any wisdom or intelligence check made in the next 5 hours.
3.Regain the use of a spell to do with perception or travelling
4.+2 to any rolls to do with balancing or climbing
5.Deeply unsettled (shaken) by corners
6.They can fold something into a space smaller than itself. You will need to use angelshit again to get it out again.
7. Loss of all motor control
8.Lose 1d6 of their valued items. They are now in bizarre hard to reach (yet nearby) locations
9.All objects of a randomly determined colour are displaced to them, as the spell.
10.They know the exact location of one object of your choice
11.Truesight as the spell, but looking at certain geometric shapes causes 1d6 damage                      (1.triangle 2 .rectangles    3. circles. 4. squares)
12+Character chooses one effect from the above.
Also overdose if the roll is 12+con modifier

Non-addictive.

Overdose : as the maze spell but they are lost in your immediate environment somehow, angles and common distances  turn on them becoming impossible chasms and fractally tense thickets. No-one else will be able to see or interact with you , other than extremely brief glimpses out of the corner of their eyes. They will be trapped like this for a number of hours = 10 modified by the results of an intelligence check (so if they succeed by 6 they are trapped for 4 hours, if they  fail by 2 they will be trapped by 12 hours etc)
 Edit: I forget to mention if you roll a 20 on this intelligence check the duration is in years.

BROOD, crazyants, the bugs, waspmilk
General effects: fearlessness , energy, increased pleasure in kinetic and tactile sensations.

Made by from the liquified contents of foot long butterfly cocoon that has been infested with parasite wasp eggs. Made into a green paste and rubbed onto the gums.
Heavy long term use include weird coloured bruising all over the body, constant minor hallucinations, and a weird chemical smell.






Specific effects:
1. 1d8+1(temporary) bonus hitpoints
2.Do not feel pain
3.formication prevents concentration will scratch self to bleeding
4.Hallucinate bugs everywhere
5.do not fear
6.+1 str/dex for 1d4 hours
7.Crave inorganic substances as food, like coal, dirt, tar, or sulphar. Will save to resist immediately eating .them if available
8.They may reroll any perception or awareness checks
9.random bug parts grow out of them. This is permanent
10+ character can pick one of the above, also overdose on 12+ con modifer

You are addicted when you start rolling d8s on  this table.
Withdrawal is maddening formication , insomnia , hear constant buzzing noises. If not restrained will inflict damage  on self each day from scratching and trying to cut out insects believe to be inside body. Each day of withdrawal character attempts a will save . IF they fail they take 1d8 damage per failed will save .Like if you have failed 4 you take 4d8 damage when you fail one. Withdrawal lasts a week.

Overdose:
Your organs sprout legs and try and climb out of you. Save or die.

GRINNING LILY, silverweed, liars bush, white hand, entrancer
Delicate flowering fern. The pale white leaves are smoked. General effects include  heighten concentration, euphoria, lack of boredom, fascination with everyday things, improved memory. Long term heavy use effects include your teeth being extremely shiney.

Specific effects:
1. Total retention of anything read
2.Become completely absorbed in nothing. Will save to respond to anything
3.Perfect recall of past events
4.Delusion that they can understand all languages include those of animals
5. As above but you really do understand one of those languages.
6.Can memorize a spell one level higher than usual. Int check to cast without mishap
7.minor telepathy, nearby surface thoughts heard.
8.will mistake a written word for the thing it describes
9.gain a random nearby persons memory as your own
10+character chooses one of the above, overdose on 12+ con modifer.

Very addictive, addicted as soon as character starts rolling d6s on the table.
Withdrawal: insomnia, agitation, will save or will obey a spoken or written instruction. Lasts a week.

Overdose:
character  will do nothing other than start saying every word they know and as they say them , they forget them. Will lose fluency in a spoken language in hour unless gagged. Also save or lose 2d6 intelligence.

Fighterism+requests

Print PDF Sporadic posting might follow , depending on how long it takes to get my computer fixed.
It is getting fixed because it is broken.

Anyway here is a quick mechanic thing for fighters if you feel they need improved damage abilities or the like at higher levels. And/or you don't want them to need magical items to "keep up"

 Pretty much DCCs stunt die but diet version for less mechanical impact on your d&d fighter.
At level 4 you get 1d4 to add to damage , OR your armour class vs one attack, OR someone elses armour class if you can feasibly get in the way. At level 6 it becomes a d6 and at level 8 a d8 , etc.


Variations / complications:
Allow the die roll points to be split amongst the things it can be spend on.

Allow additional effects to be added on to damage at cost of a certain amount of points from the die.
SO blinding a foe for a round might worth 2 points, or knocking them back 10 feet 3 points or disarming them 4 points.

Possible (slight) risk of "oh only fighters can do stunts because of this"  like the "only thieves can sneak" rumoured rule emergent property. Why would you do that? Let everyone do dumb stuff as usual, and fighters can get to do dumb stuff as well putting the hurt on.

Add/spend the die roll on saving throw(s) as well.

Damage resistance? Nah I think this is too mechanically significant compared to damage and a.c bonuses.



ALSO:
Patrick has been doing blog post requests 
I NOW TOO AM DOING THEM FOR THIS BLOG RIGHT HERE BECAUSE HEY I DON'T ONLY HAVE THE GOOD IDEAS
SO post your requests on the comments

MEanwhile surrounded by half formed things stillborn yet mewling

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Things hatching from the earth

1. A new sun. It will attempt to consume the old sun. If it succeeds everything will be different now.
2. The inverse of your form in discarded skin. It has been lonely for a very long time time
3.Luminous bug eating children
4. Bottled men
5. Shadows from the previous sun
6.Drill bombs from the other side of the world
7.Fruiting bodies of the vast mycelium web that is the actual form and purpose of every tunnel and every burrow
8. Everything that flies
9.Soldiers of Glass
10.Breath stealing cats
11. Nightgaunt Whispersmiths
12.Wise Vermin
13. Spider Keys
14. Traitors tongues
15.Crawling Spears
16. Everyone buried under the wrong name
17.Whistling
18.Vast Plumes of Mold
19.Air Drinking Roots
20.Very Stubborn Fish

Things Sewn Into the Air

1. Old Spider Troubling Hobbits
2.Virulent Misinformation
3.Door/Sinkhole
4. Mirror/Window.
5.Hungry mouths
6.Scabrous citadels
7.Cages/refugees
8.Words/parasites
9.Snakes/organs
10.Bard Flesh
11.Wicked/unlucky Children
12 Cloaker Priests

Subtle or Unlikely Weapons

1.Mistrust
2. Caged song birds
3. Human Hair
4.Tattoos
5.Feathers
6.Leaves
7.Mutes
8.Avalanches
9.Sweat
10.Drumming

Things Buried Long Ago in Snow

1.Things somewhat like pets and somewhat like weapons
2.Things somewhat like armour and somewhat like furniture
3.Castles of Hair
4.Flea Kings
5.Shoutings
6.Tarry Brides
7. Contracts with the tides
8. Thief Eggs


Things falling slowly from the sky

1. dead ghosts
2.Invisible jellyfish
3.one winged angels
4.Obsidian knives
5.Mummy infested islands
6.Giants Hearts

Rogue Elements

1.Spite
2.Absence
3.Fat
4.Noise

?
1.Faster
2.Further

Where do we put all the ruins?
1.Duh everything is ruins

House Rule Mixtape: Featuring Climbing on The Biggerest, Organ Damage and more

Print PDF  (re)MUXTUPE: rules old and new, fixed, remixed or repeated
 1
.SCaling MOnsters With Violent Intents
I keep getting track backs about the climbing on big monsters rules. And I'm like "man those, what was I thinking? Why do I think additionally mechanics are a good idea? Also damage reduction , while stimulatitionistly appropriate , in actual game play I have been hating. Wait what did I just think? "Stimulationistly" buuu.."
Also Monster Johnston makes some of that sense with skeletons and getting bonuses is more fun than avoiding penalties. Also the Zak Smith version that was +1 to hit and damage for every round of climbing. But I think that giving up an attack is worth more than +1 so:
                     PRINCESS CLIMBING ON RULES REVISED:
ignore all that damage reduction noise. You get +1 to hit and +5 to damage for every round you spend climbing up on something. ( up to a maximum of 1 round per 2 hit dice. OR something )The climbed-on can take an attack or move action to make you make a dexterity check (it's trying to flick you off) or a strength check (it's trying to shake you off) if you fail you lose a round of climbing and have to make another check. If you fail that you fall off. Initiating climbing with an attack I guess if the creature is paying attention to you (ie actively targeting you for attacks) or a climb check if it's not.




                    The cool thing about this is it works for small creatures climbing on the players. If that pixie spend 3 rounds climbing up to the fighters face , it will get +15 to damage.


ARMOUR PIERCING: 2
An idea for making the interactions between armour and anti armour weapons more impactful in game. Rolling a critical means also a roll on a injury table..
 Unless
you are using "non-lethal attacks", ie punchs and kicks.

 you are heavily armoured (full chain and better). However Maces , lucern hammers, and horsemans picks ignore this and can inflict injury table results on critical hits.


 HUMAN3: WHAT ARE THEY NOT GOOD AT HUH?
So you want a drawback to being human  so you can make all the race modifers One good Thing , One Bad thing. Humans, They just haven't had time to adapt to all this magic floating around. Their bodies just aren't meant for it. If a human being is subject to 3 ongoing magic effects at once they must con save or develop a random mutation.

[4]
 CHASE MECHANIC  
this is still good.


BOWELCHMY:      (5)
 Buried in a long post with old school hack classes, emerge into the light, strange child;
Bowelchemy : You drink all kinds of bizarre stuff and bizarrer stuff happens, for your body is a laboratory, a temple, a brothel, a kitchen and a battle ground. Anything you drink, other than water, evokes strange reactions.
Water no longer counts as water if it has more than 5% of something added to it, unless that thing has a noticeable effect on biological stuff. So water with a drop of poison would need a roll on the table, but water with a drop of lemon juice would not. A glass of water with a tenth of juice in it would however.

You can open throat scull up to 3 litres in one go. Lets say that's about 20 cups.
 
The normal effects of the liquid do not apply , unless they are instantly dangerous to touch (like the strongest of poisons, molten metals, boiling water or strong acids). 

What happens is you flip a coin to choose if you or the d.m picks a verb. In either case the d.m has to determine what mechanical effect that verb has. Say you pick "fly" , the d.m will most likely let you fly briefly , (roll a d6 to determine how many rounds the duration is), "burn" might make you catch fire, "suddenly" might give you an initiative bonus, or make a random monster attack, suddenly.
IF you drink 2 liquids at once, you pick a verb and the d.m picks a noun. (so "Shining Dogs") If you drink 3 liquids at once , you pick a verb, the d.m picks a noun and a random other player picks an adjective. ("Hurt Ghostly Pudding")
 
        6666 ----->  SHIT, CAN THEY BUY THAT?<---------------
1. no, but they can buy this dangerous unstable version
2.yes, but its stolen and the owner has a fix on its location
3.yeah but that was last seen boarding themselves up in a haunted tower
4.no , but this guy will try and scam them
5.no, but this guy will try and scam them OH WAIT actually yes , it does work, surprise to everyone , the guy running the con will try and get it back
6. Sure , but it will become bonded to you. It breaks , so do you
7.yes , but the seller wants to borrow your body for a week
8. Yes, at the No-Moon market, under the ruined bridge, accessible only with dire patronage
9.No, but this guy reckons they can make one, if funded adequately
10. Yes, but sometimes it does the exact opposite.
11. Yes but it requires dark feedings
12.No , and asking about such a thing has set 1d4 cults/ inquisitions after you.

                         7EVEN
                      all purpose encounter table
1. A typical member of the nearest settlement
2. An atypical member of the nearest settlement
3. Medium sized herbivore(s), the base of a healthy food chain
4. Scavenger
5.Predator
6. Apex Predator
7. The thing that sucks about this area happens (sandstorm, blizzard, knife storm)
8. Something actually good about this area is found


             8              
QUICK CRITICALS:
Roll differently coloured d6. One of them the severity: 1. graze  2-3 gash 4-5 broken 6 gone
 Other one 1 head 2 torso 3 leg (right) 4 leg (left) 5 arm (right) 6 arm (left).

                                 NINEQuick Fumbles: 2 dice , d6 and a d4
1.You                                   1 Drop
2.them (friend)                   2 Flung (at)
3.them (foe)                       3 Target
4. Object (held)                  4  Entangle
5. Object (equipped)            
6. Surroundings                     

Resolving Wizard projects with the tarot

Print PDF SO

"My wizard spends the month installing lasers in undead. So that is a thing in your campaign now"

here is a little subsystem the makes use of unwieldy chart and tarot cards.
Well you can use any cards really, just assign them to the various rows in the chart.
Chart is here:
CHART!
It won't make any sense yet(..).
So a wizard wants to make up a new spell or slime or duck hybrid or wand of broiling hair.
You , the g.m and the player shoot the shit about how the mechanics work and that.
I'm not going to try and write a system that does that job. That would be GURPS or rolemaster companions. Also, madness.
Then the g.m picks a large number of moneys and the player blathers on about various monster parts that are cluttering up their character sheet that they are throwing in or exactly what they are sewing to what and how drunk and things are crossed off and this is so campaign variable I will not attempt to write a system for it (also I don't want to)

This is for the next bit , where you want something to happen that will surprise you both, involves an element of risk, chance and meaningful player choices. Also gimmicks!

The player draws 5 cards from the major arcana of the tarot (or pokemon cards if you re-skin the chart) .
 They then play 5 rounds.
The first round is for the cost or resource requirements of the project. A card is drawn from the deck and then the player chooses a card to play against it.
Cards have suits Soul, World, Sun, Night.

 Soul beats Sun, Sun beats Night, Night beats World, World beats Soul.

 In the case of Same vs Same or Sun vs World or Night vs soul, the highest value card wins (the major arcana cards have a value from the Fool with Zero , to the World with 21).

The chart result for that card explains what that means for the project. If you lose against a drawn card , the second "inauspicious"  result (after the / ) is applied.

You then continue to round 2 in which the Potency of the project is determined,
 round 3 the convenience or useability ,
round 4 the danger the project puts you in (if any)
and finally 5 , repeatability , ie if an item can you attempt to make another one? If a spell, is it "worked true"? (ie it may be copied into your spell book and be cast and memorized rather than just a one off ritual) and if the project is a creature will it breed or can you even glue another one together ever?

Alternate1 :all 5 opposing cards can be drawn at once and the player then decides which of their cards to play where ( I would think you want to make the chart results have more arbitrary and nasty results)
Alternate 2: The player has only 3 cards and must randomly draw a card for to play 2 of the rounds

CHART IS HERE

I tried to make the chart results general , yet interesting and somehow applicable to making monsters , new spells and items. Which might of been a mistake. Also 22 fucking cards took me so long I really stopped caring a couple of times.
 I hope if it sees use it your campaign you hack the shit out of it. The 5 rounds thing I feel coulda been simplified down but sometimes an idea is too big to manage to grasp correctly on the first go and you need to just let it go and hope someone sees a better way for it.

pokemon fusions

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So I don't hate everything popular. Fusing 2 different pokemon randomly and then drawing the results. Its a thing , now I have done it too and am including the monstering thereoff. I think I made my work difficult by choosing fusions that already looked completely perfect.

                                                                               Voltsian

Voltsians are like panther catfish. Their hide is rubbery and red from a coating of rust and their own freaky secretions. As a defense or a predatory action they generate a red cloud that is extremely conductive. They then send a powerful electric charge via the cloud, stunning all in it.
They are smart, but avaricious , self-centred and lazy to a fault. Their hide is non-conductive , making them resistant to electricity unless the hide is bypassed

Magnaler

Magnaler are pony sized  crabs with self assembled shells of metal. They are shy and reclusive , hiding in vast alien junkyards, wary of being hunting for their shells. They can sculpt metal easily , unnaturally softening it with just a touch of their claws. The claws also possess great strength , capable of slicing a dude in half.
If one can get their trust and friendship they can make armour like no other.

Vilemander

 

Vilemanders  are oily looking radiative salamanders-people, flickering with balefire and calling to each other across war-blasted moors with their inflating dewlaps.  Territorial  and viscous , flicking unnatural fire from their tales , then slinking off again. The fire they produce feeds on fear and panic and is unable to be extinguished unless the victim is calm.

Goloom

Golooms are mood sensitive flowers , normally cultivated in courts and regal gardens, that have grown on graveyards reserved for outcasts and blasphemers. They have absorbed all the bitterness and rage and  burst out the ground screaming and releasing maddening pollen. Also they drink blood any round when they are not running in circles screaming (1 in 4). If they make it to century in age the flower blooms releasing a hydraesque Rage ghost.

 Beetoise

 

Beetoise are a particular type of bee that takes residency in a certain giant turtle corpses The bees have specialized castes , one forming long chains to act as tendons and muscles to animate the turtle. Others make use of the weird cannon like tubes in the shell the former turtle used to breathe from. They use these as cannons, firing a living guided missile bee at threats to the hive. This bee explodes in mass of sticky poison honey. When the Beetoise runs out of these (normally has 1d12 in reserve) it results to swarms instead.

Lickimoth

Lickimoths are a variant on the lemure, formed from parasitic souls, who in life fed on the misery of others, under the guise of a care-giver. They now hunger for the taste of tears, each lick bringing up the worst memories in the licked

Climbing on things and stabbing them in their stupid face

Print PDF Fighting big creatures. What is really cool is people whaling away at a dragons ankles until it explodes an hour later,  occasionally falling over on the spot  because it hit you too much and someone touches you with glowing blue hands and you get back up again.
Okay that was sarcasm and hyperbole. But yeah what do when the players wanna climb on some big ass monster and stab it in its stupid face.

Like examples from media are pretty endless. SO I've been trying to think up a nice general system (more for if the players are like tiny animals trying to kill a dog or goose or something, but that's a whole other thing)
to handle this.

Some general notes about making sub-systems :

a)Climbing on stuff larger than you is absolutely stupid in real life, so lets forget about trying to accurately model that. Instead, what do you need to account (ie people can or can't left up t-rexs? can or can't survive been kicked in the face by t-rexs?) for in your game, as not to max out the acceptable bullshit for fun quota in your game? Model that.

b)you can make up rules for anything on the spot, and trying to have a rule for everything is counter productive because then you have to look said rules up. Unless you have/are a Mentat.
(
In that case, say hello to Agent Dale Cooper for me and tell him to LISTEN TO THE FUCKING GIANT FOR FUCKS SAKE!!
)
So if you are using/considering making a subsystem you gotta think how much does this come up? and is there enough generalities in the situations to make a subsystem around them and is it going to be fun to have one? More or less fun than just ruling based on player skill on the spot?

Say haggling. Let's say you want it to come up a lot in your games because its a Heathens & Hovels setting and you think it adds a touch of authenticity to the whole thing.

And lets say it's not fun (or not fun all the time) for you and the player to ham it up at each other spruiking the miraculous properties of this chicken vs the hunger of their 17 limbless children etc etc.
And you want something that has choices involved, because choices are what make the whole thing fun, rather than roll a charisma check boom it costs this much thing.
THen you should have a subsystem! weeeee.

c)Trying to make a subsystem do all the work for you is futile. As in it's still gonna to need you to make rulings on the spot and players to think up cool things to do that just activating shit on their character sheet. Trying to make it do all the work is MADNESS. As in early grappling rules. As in; trying to work out if its easier or harder to put a centaur or drider in headlock blah blah oh shit its an extensive modifier table. And no-one likes them. NO-ONE.*
So instead treat the subsystem like a general framework ad hoc system to refer back to or build upon as needed, and use the groups interpretation of the circumstances as your guide rather than trying to get the circumstances to fit the subsystem.


Okay that was over-long.

Anyway this subsystem " Scale the Bastard " builds on my homebrewed rules with size coming with built in damage resistance. (and much lower hit points for big creatures)
And by climbing onto the creature you can bypass some or all of that damage resistance depending on much effort you are willing to spend climbing to a good position.

If you do not have damage resistance for large creatures, instead you could use a straight damage bonus for better positions, or improved critical chances or what have you.

For purposes of this subsystem ( " Scale the Bastard" ) the size categories are
Player character size (from halfling to horse)
Large (a really big bear) 5 points of Damage Resistance
Huge (elephants)            10 points of Damage Resistance
Massive (dinosaur)         15 points of Damage Resistance
Colossal (blue whale, super dinosaur) 20 points of Damage Resistance
Titanic (lesser Godzillas) 25 points of Damage Resistance
etc.

We are ignoring tiny creatures because what ever, like they are going to have one or 2 hit points any way. And if you want to use this system for gremlins climbing on people have them do like +5 damage if they can get a chance to get to the face or neck or something.

First things , starting the climb. This is a dex/strength
/climbing check. YOu need to be way too close to the creature first,  so you go last in the initiative (or draw an attack of opportunity or whatever) and if it hits you in the round then you can't make the attempt.
SO distract the creature or sneak up on it or whatever.

Once you are on it , congratulations! You are hanging of its side , clinging to it's ankle or whatever. This is called a 1st position. Attacking from here means you get to shave 5 points of that damage resistance! If it's a large creature, that probably  means you are now sitting on its shoulders stabbing it in the face. It's damage resistance is zero, and there is no where left to climb.
If it's a huge creature, you are most likely hanging off its side, and while you get a better shot at its kidneys or gaps in the scales, it still has 5 points of damage resistance left.
So you keep climbing and (if successful) you reach its head (a second position) and can stab it with no damage resistance what so ever!

Basically each time you spend a round climbing you move up a position and shave off 5 points of damage resistances. So while something large (a kodiak bear or ubergorilla) has only one position , a lesser Godzilla has 5.

This is very general and very abstract and is meant only as guide. If the  beast the character is fighting has weak knees, let them get them advantage only half way up (and they say they are going for the knees). If the characters jump onto it from a 3rd storey building, wahey let them start at the 4th position or whatever.

If they are going for its eyes or something, assume you can trade damage for maiming. So instead of doing damage the creature is now blind. Shouldn't blinding do hitpoint damage? YEs but hitpoints maaan they are more like "hit points" and shut up.

Okay so every round you are on the creature you can do one of these things:

Attack! Attack that thing! Show it who's the biggest slice of cheese in the dales!:
You attack bypasses its damage resistance for 5 points per point of position. If it tries to get rid of you , you are at -4 to the resulting stat check though.

Advance! hand over hand up its filth encrusted shaggy hide!:
At the end of this round you increase your position by one

Scramble! It can't catch you, you are an audacious wind! Har HAA!: Like advancing but you are not trying to get anywhere in particular, just scrambling all over it so it can't get a fix on where you are .

This gives you +2 bonus to any stat checks to remain on if the creature tries and scrape you off or rolling on you, and you may use your dex instead of strength if it tries to shake you off.

Hold ON! For dear , sweet,  capricious life, hold on!: You have found a particular firm matted clump of hair or scaly ridge and have braced your self. You can attack (bypassing any damage resistance as per your position) as well as do this but either at -4 to the attack roll or -4 to any stat check to remain on or some other arrangement of that 4 point penalty. You also get -4 to the dex check to avoid taking damage from a roll or a scrape.

MEANWHILE the beast can try and dislodge you ! yes you impudent flea!
This is generally instead of it being able to attack someone else.

Shaking you off: means that you have to make strength check or fall off! Falling damage as per normal.
If you fumble that strength check it means you are flung off! Double the distance you were at before the flinging to determine how much fall damage you take, and roll a scatter diagram to determine direction.
 If you are falling off (not flung off) you can make a dex check and grab on a couple of positions lower (1d3 maybe? Or base it on how much they succeed the dex check by).

Swatting at you: it tries to attack you as per normal. BUT you get a bonus to your a.c of +1 per position , or +2 per position if you are taking the scramble action. Ha ha! It can choose to do damage as normal or do half damage and make you do a strength or dex check or fall off. If gets a natural 20 you are flung off. If it fumbles or misses by 5 or more , it inflicts damage on itself, bypassing  damage resistance as per your current position.

Scraping: it either scrapes itself against a nearby wall or scratches itself like a dog with it's hind leg.
You need to make a dex check (with +2 if you took the scramble action, -4 if you took the attack or hold on action) or take 1d4 per total positions the creature has (ie 1d4 for large, 5d4 for titanic) and then make a strength check (with bonuses if you are holding on) or fall off

Rolling: the creature proceed to roll over and over trying to squish you like the pest you are. This takes a round to begin (giving you effectively one free round) but each round it maintains you can either choose to make a dex check (failure results in a 1d10 damage per total positions of the creature, ie 1d10 for large, 5d10 for titanic) or drop down a position. If you are on position 1 you are now on the ground. The creature may be limited by the terrain in how far it can roll and can't do anything else while rolling. Is prone if that matters for something the size of a building.
If you make attack actions while on it you are nuts but get to add half of any crushing damage you take to the damage you do.




I feel a well constructed table could of made that so much more clear, but my attempts to do so were sadly lacking. IF you know your players are going up against a MASSIVE BASTARD you could make yourself a map of said MASSIVE BASTARD with the different damage resistances for different areas and situational modifiers/mini challenges for hanging onto to its poo dreads vs clambering up its scaly legs. Also giving the players the chance to research vulnerable areas on the creature or spots that it cannot reach you if you are so placed.
Like I said earlier use these rules as guideline , modify heavily for circumstance and player plan and make sure there's a firm understanding between you and your players about what the bullshit quota is.

Think the creature taking the roll action might be the best for it all the time, so maybe that needs be limited by having enough room or something,

EDIT:
sleek snake panther version here:
http://dndwithpornstars.blogspot.co.nz/?zx=47577a72ce0ffd02

Commissioned GOLD DRAGON

Print PDF I got a commission to make a gold dragon and so I made it twice as much never-ending story

"just updating the roster guys!"

Also the festering home brew system I posted last post?
I just realized the other day that I did not even think about barbarians, paladins or rangers. Or druids.Gnomes were a deliberate omission. People can play em, I just cannot be bothered typing them up. Easy enough to just use halfling but make choices from dwarf or elf.
But yeah but just clean forgot rangers etc. Which utterly does not matter because the fighter talent choices means its easy to make a barbarian or a ranger (with your skill choices) and druids is easily a witch reskin. Paladins I would just make a talent for starting with some clerics spells. Also at about level 11 there is epic talents which could include stuff like shape changing or magic horse (what was the paladins special steed thing called again?) . Have not made those yet, because I have a long time to put it off.

Thought about having fixed talent paths for something like a paladin, ( basically talents with prerequisite) so you get your minor healings spells, then your fear resistance, then your smite evil.

If I did put that in it would pretty marginal to avoid the pathfinder build thing.