Showing posts with label "mothies?". Show all posts
Showing posts with label "mothies?". Show all posts

Sunday, 4 June 2017

ARNOLD K FUCKED A PIG PART 2

Print Friendly Version of this pagePrint Get a PDF version of this webpagePDF

this photorealistic pokemon stuff is easy

Carrion crawler 
Egg Maker: 
It's like that creepy pokemon chansey , it hugs people and holds them in its extremely rubbery body until they are too tired to fight back , then it puts them in an egg. They will stay in the egg unharmed until hatched. This tends to cause some aspects of their personality to drastically change





Catoblepas :
Life-Buoyant:
Like Jellyfish but also a hot air balloon . If ruptured (which is easy to do) pops gas everywhere that brings everything to life that used to be alive , including currently being digested food, leather, dead wood, hair, old bones etc. Things brought to life that have extremely limited mobility options tend to form up with other similar organisms making colony organisms (after flopping around screaming for a bit)



Centaur:
Hoos:
Friendly civilised fellows that look like a metre long horse head walking around on their vaguely manshaped tongue, nose down. Can't talk and walk at the same time you know old chap.


Centipede:
Lunatick
A massive flea which jumps to the moon. 


Cerebral parasite :
Athletes Feet:
A symbiotic fungus that tries to help out by growing 1d4 limbs to aid in whatever task you are trying to do. They are really good at legs. Doesn't really know how to get rid of the limbs once its grown them for you , out of you


Chimera :
Platonic :
It's an animal , but the perfect absolute version of that animal. After seeing it , regular versions of that animal have a deeply unsettling uncanny valley thing for you, causing nausea,  repulsion, and hives.

Cockatrice :
Eel of the Bone
It's a shy guy that slips inside people and curls around their bones. It's harmless there , what isn't harmless is the amount of things the Eel of the Bone knows and how their dreams tend to leak into other peoples  dreams. 
These dreams also tend to let people very concerned with various questions the Eel knows the answer to get dreams about where the Eel of the Bone currently is.
And  the Eel of the Bone is honour bound to answer 3 questions of anyone who finds it inside someone.

Couatl 
Injustice Crab:
Why this city things an iron crab with a morning star just walking around smashing things helps the crime rate no-one knows



Crab, Crayfish, Crocodile
The cross between these 3 is obviously a walking warmachine-mulcher.
The opposite of that is 
Candy Bird:
It's a small bird made of candy that wants you to eat it. If you do all your children will be overly large violent goons.



Demon :
Harmoney 
The opposite of Demons is going to good natured household gods. . They move into a home, house or abode and make it better and harmonious. Except they are from the wrong dimension so it's not good at all.

-- Demogorgon 
Archiplex:
This moonfaced mitten wearing fuzzipillar pig makes you your humble home a castle. A fastly vertically , physically impossible castle. All vertical distances are increased 1000 fold. All horizontal distances 20 fold. Outside dimensions remain the same. Archiplex then tends to start inviting all his friends over

-- Juiblex 
Gummy:
Looks like beakless puffin.
Makes microscopic things massive (dust mites, tardigrades, fungal spores) with irregular consistency. Embiggened things tend to get smart enough to form societys but the societys tend to be Lewis Carroll /Frank Baum /Candy Kingdom

-- Manes
Doug
Like a pinecone of noses, but dumber. Does the dumbest thing possible in any particular moment

-- Orcus
Jiffyup:
Like a beetle made from alien sex toys but the aliens are prudes . Proceeds to improve everything that could be understood as a tool . Improved tools function as 1d6 other tools, roll when use to determine which tool-function happens


-- Succubus
Vix: A hairy spring man. Sews hair seeds , making surfaces grow thick deep fur , hair, or antenna. 


-- Type I (Vrock) 
Chum:
A snail made of smiles! Alternates between making vast hearty feasts out of formerly inedible objects and just chasing down and eating people (Chum calls this the "washing up")

-- Type II (Hezrou) 
Goss: 
An luminous translucent inchworm with hand puppet face. Finds people and returns their things. 78% of the time it's things you deliberately got rid of like diseases, cursed objects, hunting animals, hair, feces etc.

-- Type III (Glabrezu) 
Fuhuhu:
A tongue flower. Gives useful advice for someone not quite you.

-- Type IV (Nalfeshnee, etc.) 
Zg:
A snake on assorted wheels. What fun. Not fun at all. Digs holes through space linking  your home to places you really wish it wouldn't

-- Type V (Marilith, etc.) 
 Mary Poppins. It's Mary Poppins

-- Type VI (Balor, etc.) 
Amylnam
Someone who looks like your dad.
The first thing you kill in house occupied by Amylnam is always Amylnam. He looks so disappointed .

-- Yeenoghu (Demon Lord of Gnolls) 
The Mister :
Mister is very thin and she has long sharp nose. She means good , as she teaches all the animals to talk and think. It's your own fault if they then slaughter and eat you though

Monday, 21 March 2016

Not understanding the question : Animal Mineral Vegetable

Print Friendly Version of this pagePrint Get a PDF version of this webpagePDF So this is a thing:
http://rayleklai-world.blogspot.co.nz/2011/06/story-of-leklai.html

Key quote:
"... one is assured that Lek Laï is not a simple mineral but a kind of metal-animal , capable of "swimming across mountains"

Which other than being worth sharing because it's amazing, is interesting because it's easy to take for granted the thinking of animals, minerals and vegetables as obvious and distinct categories.

The idea of spontaneous generation is possibly the first thing you might think of ; the idea that animal life 
(specifically verminous and unwanted life; I guess this was the only kind no-one bothered to check that hard. If someone was "hey silkworms come from water evaporated in moonlight" some entrepreneur would of got onto that )
could spring from inanimate; maggots hatched from meat, mice from old grain, snakes from dresses trellises left in rain barrels. 

Other examples from this mindset were the mandrake( it's a plant but a screaming plant) or bears licking their cubs into being from salt, the "vegetable sheep" explanation for cotton.

Numerous plants marked a mythological event  ; the first cultivated daffodil "Narcissus poeticus" , Judas ear fungus springing from the tree Judas hung himself on*

And then there was all shenanigans with whatever the fuck alchemists were on about.

Now before we get talking about animism : how do we know what was actually believed , what was metaphor or some kinda of catchy story to remember what a plant looked like or where it grew or just something to tell the kids to shut them up for minute? 

Who the fuck knows and it's possible it was varying degrees of all this at  various times or more accurately it would be some semi-fluid hybrid of bullshit, pragmatism , belief and faith which cannot be easily translated to any modern mental frame of reference.

So that plants don't have feelings, animals are distinct entities from the landscape  , and just what was going with kings love life is completely irrelevant to soil quality : these are not self evident facts at various points of time and culture.


So this is where I go : make up weird shit for how the world works for your campaign for fun.
Well yes But. 
So Ars Magica was set in "mythical europe" , the idea being, somewhat in passing, that all that weird medieval shit was true. 

Which was a somewhat terrible idea as if all the ideas we actually treated as true it wouldn't actually feel medieval. 

As in if dress trellises always turned into snakes could a siege hold out by turning spare clothing into protein? (okay maybe medieval people believed snakes were poison so it wouldn't work)
The point being in would kinda turn into a baron munchausen setting . Which is fine but it's just interesting result. 
Though arguable you could make up more medieval bullshit  to stop people treating the bullshit seriously or start claiming that being rational about things just makes them not work (because of the Realm of Reason , a thing in Ars Magica which was awkward and dumb)

I'm getting away from myself.

Um.

Animism. And those "tribal stories" where a mountain is also a daughter who ran away but also a mountain. 

Animism can't be easily understood as "invisible things in stuff"  , it's a complete rethinking or irrelevance of those categories of animate / inanimate, animal and mineral , agency and co-incidence.**

Tribal stories: are they a story or belief or a metaphor? My understanding of my own un-understanding is , that, basically no.

Trying to frame them or understanding them in such terms seems like trying to understand an ocean  by writing about what the splashing noises sound like.



Fuck this is what keeps throwing me off writing posts , this was gonna be a list of weird shit  and it's spiralling out of control in multiple directions and taking up hours.

I'm will try and wrap up somewhere useful:

Defining "animals" as things that are animals in this world and "monsters" as everything else is pretty terrible.

Everything should have a reason to exist that makes sense for the world and hopefully little sense in ours. I'm sure Arnold wrote something about this but now I can't find it so read this one as an example:

Magic as technology or magic as technology in a pulp comic have been done a lot.

Magic as technology is pretty familar, but so is the other one, it's just not explictly labelled as such.

Basic this form : there is magic, it's all over the show, it doesn't make sense , but it doesn't intergrate with anything and only monsters and wizards and their various aracana have it.

(Which in one form is the "magic is chaos" variant , where magic is always spooky and rare and corrupting and outside civilisation which is just kings and digging holes but some how magic is still worse than that. Which is generally considered more interesting than guards with +1 swords but I still think it's played out as shit and is more echos of christian metaphysically framing which is even more played out as shit. Even if has great production values like lamenations.)

AS opposed to "folk magic" , where everyone is kinda doing spells or bargaining with spirits and shit and there is an absolute intregation between magic and how the world works. There might be a lot of risk vs reward type deals and death spells and  curses .

Like a guy that you buy magic items off sounds like bullshit but that's literally what happens 
here 
http://www.atlasobscura.com/places/akodessewa-fetish-market
and it's great and there is couple of books I wish I had on me to reference right now about "outside priests/magicians" and "inside priests/magicians" and the activation of objects to deflect curse but I don't so it's a dumb content farm link.

but also average people have been doing magic forever 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curse_tablet

and voodoo dolls was people mistaking vodoun stuff for how white people used to curse each other and then promptly forgetting they used to curse each other
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poppet


So I'm saying you can world where the barbarians have magical armour because they snuck around and dug up all your graves and made shirts out of your mourneds hair and that's even better than the shit where there is no magical swords except for one and it's super weird and you have to roll on a mutation table every time you use it and there is kings and hole digging.

and possibly you could reskin something that everyone**** complains about doesn't feel cool because everyone has magic powers (like 13th age or 4th edition or Feng Shui wait no-one complains about Feng Shui. Well okay they don't complain about that) not just the wizard and the priest.
Also the priest is as boring as possible so he's not mistaken for the wizard and mutation tables and what the fuck am I doing I'm literally collating very different systems philosophies into one straw man here I need to stop adding more to this bit and finish the table at the bottom which is what I intended to write 5 hours ago 

and you should read everything here if you haven't already 
http://straitsofanian.blogspot.co.nz/

and I just started to scratching the surface of this oh gawd I just wanted to make up this thing

like that thing I talked about at the start.

1. Mountain Bear : It's a type of rock but it's also a punishment for taking too much prey and not leaving offerings when staying in caves.
Like it's any rock that looks like a bear that someone found , and everyone lets their kids play with them. But it's also death scary to find one in a cave if you don't have anything to offer them because then a large bear of earth with a rock skull that breathes with stolen breath will kill you before that night is over. Unless you go out and kill and over the first thing you see. If you make that promise , go off and see something and don't kill it then the Mountain Bear will kill both of you.
It's also a rock that is good for sharpening hunting spears and knives (reroll the first attack roll with that weapon in a hunt and take the best), but if used for war you then have to go to Mountain Bear (it's a place too, but not a literally place, except it kinda is) and make a successful case to Mountain Bear (it's a god too) why it was a legal war or your entire village disappears. 


2. Traitors river: This is water that will poison peoples minds against those that trust them. You can find it by drowning someone and using them as a boat in a moonless night in most small bodies of water.  After that the easy bit is getting someone to drink it , it's exactly like water and so can be easily slipped into their drink or food. The next bit is a bit tricky; whatever you were hoping to happen will genuinely work but create such a shitstorm it will fuck your shit up as well. 
So in order to not have that happen you have got to work out what the water wants to do and then betray it before it betrays you.  
A good rule of thumb for how this works is if when you, as your character, declare you are using it and the d.m can't work out why the fuck you would do that or at the very least , why you would do that right now, why then the Traitor's river is properly just as shocked.


3. There is this tree and this whale and they swap places sometimes and tell each stuff and pissing off one means the other is going to be really pissed off and everyone in the respective environment listens to the tree / whale so it's going to be a bad time. The locals use the same name for both the whale and the tree but are real vague if they are talking about every one of this tree and every one of these whales or there is just one tree and one whale or even if they recognise there is difference .


4. Cats are literally shithead shadows from hell and the only good thing about them is they eat mice and mice are terrible gossips as well as shitheads from hells so if a cat knows something you know only that cat and whoever in hell bought the secret knows it. Mice learn something, everyone in hell and everyone who talks to hell  will know it.

Nobody kills cats that often because all the mice that haven't been digested will escape. 
Also all shadows are a kind of dead cat and cats age in reverse so there's bound to be another one soon anyway.

Oh and when they digest mice they cough them up as moths which are idiots and fly to moon and tell them all the stories they have misremembered and/or made up. Then the moon tries to verify all this bullshit with you at night and that's what dreams are.

So obviously if you can keep away from mice, cats and mothies you will stop dreaming and then no-one can see or remember you except in song.*****




No , none of those entries were "rumours" , I am saying they should be literally true if you use them in campaign. 




*yeah for purposes of ye olde time fungus is a plant. Also the tree is supposedly a elder tree, so good luck finding a decent strong branch there Judas"

** I mean someone's prob going to learn me here , I mean all you bastards seem to have all these degrees and such. But I will learn something

*** Speaking of grossly ill formed but talking about stuff anyway let's just stop here

**** by "everybody" I'm just flailing at some fucking straw windmills here like Don Quixote on a rpg forum this is worst mixed metaphor.
I was watching Vikings and man if you are going to play that loose with your historic "France" just give everyone onions  and striped shirts and berets and have the fucking eiffel tower right there it would distract me from how terrible that siege plan was like holy shit guys they have crossbows inside the castle we didn't expect them to shoot us with crossbows when we got inside though they only worked when they used them against people outside the castle. 
No, I'm not being facetious I would be able to take it seriously if all the French people had berets but don't take it seriously when they have a stupid plan and keep forgetting about shield walls. You don't understand my complicated relationship with the ridiculous yet. 


***** Rats are noble and wise because they have kings which is the dumbest thing about this whole thing. No-one has worked out what happens when cats eat rats or rats eat mice. When rats eat cats however it's a matter of political delicacy and people don't talk about it.

Friday, 12 February 2016

Elves

Print Friendly Version of this pagePrint Get a PDF version of this webpagePDF

like you can make them human but with pointy ears
and that's fine if you just want to draw people different
fine to me
that's the only one here
I haven't found you and cannot possibly be talking about you

So if that's all you do
draw them real weird though or just real cool, so make it the cool people have different stats than you

from here







ELVES ; THE  GOOD PEOPLE
Or make them more like people , like the heroic people of bigot folk dreams ,
but live like animals . Like man-shape pokemon.  Walk right out of bush they were shitting in , all glistening and ethereal.
How does that outfit even work?
It doesn't  that's just what their skin looks like.
All kinds of stories and songs about things that you can't go and see.  Oh but you can't , it's just  not there anymore. But it was. And it was perfect and good. We are the good people. Language , poems , art, creation myths, lineage, heroes and gods.
but it's just Batesian mimicry . On a scale about the same size as you. Looks you right in the eye.
that face flawless over a mind of animal noise

Sure you can play one

 
Ildiko Muresan , from here


MOTH ELVES
they don't have big city , or even a village. Just quietly sleep in hollow trees and come out to drink moonlight. Everything they need is in their dreams. Some can't sleep and they just have keep walking  until they do.




SPINIFEX ELVES


these don't have no cities either. Dry up and curl along , light as anything. Sometimes landing near where there is enough talk and noise to fill up enough to walk on in and be something like you.