Friday, 4 January 2013

PostPostApoc treasures

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I got out of the house , went on a road trip, hitch hiked around a little, saw kiwis , giant eels, baby pukekos , beach sunsets and winding hill road sunrises, a new favourite colour (make room verdigris green, you got company; Arahura river teal ) and yeah.

Post post apoc is what happens after everyone has gotten over the collapse of civilization thing, and are starting to live a little. A smug , satisfied, "those old guys sure were stupid I love fighting dinosaurs" attitude is the normal.
Ruins are awesome! Life is exciting! Look how much room there is with 90 % of the population dead! Building shit is easy with all this left over stuff! Why didn't more people eat dogs? Dogs are delicious! I'm living in a clock tower because fuck yeah clock towers. For fun we weaponize buses and then invite everyone around for a bbq based on what gets stuck on the buses grill.

So yeah.
This attitude informs the choice in ostentatious displays of wealth.
Traditional precious materials are ridiculed , instead desirable are things that mock the values and hang ups of the past, desecrations and willful naivety.    So when your players ask for what treasure they cut out of the train-sharks stomach-caboose, why roll on this table here and gosh everything will be so much more interesting.

1. c.d shards set in elaborate sunburst pattern , necklace
2. plastic dinosaur with polished glass set into its teeth and eyes
3. thickly garishly painted camping cutlery necklace
4. plastic army man mounted on tiny circuit board square set on ring
5. barbie doll head choker, its hair replace with copper wire , the hair plaited to from the strap
6. chalice made from melted plastic  hands
7. mini-crown made from model aeroplanes , covered in glitter
8. block of wood, many many layers of paint, lightly sanded off , framed with range of delicate nails, hanging from from bike chain. Necklace
9. mouth guard set with type set spelling out "glory"
10. cloak of shredded truck tires, with the exposed radials delicately interwoven
11. copper wire macrame head dress set with stereo cables ends, flared into flower shapes
12. zoo animal hair friendship bracelet
13. wall hanging of a skate board covered in mouse skulls biting each other framing cat skulls
14. a toaster run over repeatably until completely flat and then twisted into a crown
15. earring from human collar bone, studded with various brass screws
16. metallic hip replacement nose piercing
17. glass eye set in sex toy rubber , ring
18. digital wrist watch , the insides removed and replaced with delicate human bone scrimshaw
19.10,000 clock hands welded together to make a ceremonial mace
20.tiara of typewriter arms
21.golfing award statue for golfing a good golf, decked out in various action figure armour and punishing various plastic monsters stuck in the base
22. bisected bowling bowl set in extensive frame made from high heels
23. medical admission bracelet , with a dozen wedding rings threaded on it
24. baby doll painted with road tar and with a halo of glass silvers
25.Office chair painstakingly recovered with expensive handbag leather and silk underwear
26. silk tie , entirely covered with safety pins, of various sizes and colours, no 2 alike
27. dog skull with dentures inserted and googly eyes, made into a ceremonial  helm
28.expensive ball gowns shredded and plaited into a rag mat
29. talisman made from tree sap lacquered barbie doll wedding dress
30. statue of jesus , the head replaced with bob marleys and the hands, wolverine
31. elbow length gloves hand sewn from chip packets
32. wall mounting of a fire alarm bell ringed with used syringes
33. plastic dinosaur headed scrap iron torc
34.Rolexs welded together in pretty but functional knuckle duster
35. terracotta duck covered with macramed neon wig hair
36.wall tapestry depicting victorys and shit, made from various cut outs from stained carpets
37.stethoscope draped with broken pearl necklaces
38. glasses with cassette tape reels instead of lens
39. dissected fire extinguisher filled with melted glass
40. belt made from enlocked bmw crests
41. earrings made from human gold capped teeth
42. plastic bead necklace , each bead carved into a skull, each with a different expression
43.barbed wire , gold painted, tiara , each spike tipped with a match
44. refrigerator door lined with feathers
45. red velvet theater curtains hand sewn  with dental floss into impressive cape
46. shiny black leather thigh boots reworked into a poultroon
47. mickey mouse mask painted a 100 types in enamel paint, string replaced with gold chain board lined with dalmatian skin bell ring
50.thick  black rubber gloves tips replaced with silver thimbles
51.large buzzsaw (a metre across) , the teeth replaced with shark teeth
52. jar of pennys, all the eyes drilled out
53.stamp collecting book, each stamp subtly defaced 
54.lacquered childrens book made to hang around neck, opened to a page of significance ("then monster came")
55.motorcycle helmet with a dozen desk lamps branching symmetrically from it
56.bone carved and dyed to look like a candy bracelet
57.hydra made from karate trophys
58.emmy studded with gold tees
59. tuxedo jacket , ripped and cable tied together, reinforced with glossy magazines
60. big flower made from cathode tube glass
61. broken wine bottle neck , sanded smooth , made into a ring
62.throne from phone books nailed together
63. mannequin entirely covered with nailed on computer keys , each nail is different
64. circuit board picture frame , photo is people on a roller coaster
65.burger chain mascot statue head , hollowed out into a lantern
66. steering wheel necklace, wrapped in pearl necklace
67.number plates welded into a ceremonial shield, with a taxidermy rabbit on it
 68.small porcelain statue with the back broken off, face down in a puddle of melted and hardened silver , tight clusters of unused scented candles jutting from it tank castle set with diamonds and l.e.ds of those tuxedo print t-shirts
71.a suit case full of money, with a miniature moss garden  growing out of it
72. fuzzy dice
73. oil painting cut in half and sewn together with another oil painting
74.bathroom mirror, with masterful portrait drawn on it with lipstick
75.tequila bottle full of centipedes cream scooper necklace
77.hologram of Egyptian  pharaoh
78.vest covered on bottle caps and fish hooks
79. half a dozen balsa wood dinosaur skeletons made into a head crest
80. lazy boy stuffed with unsmoked cigarettes
81.door knob ring, set with plastic bottle cap
82.snow globe with burning city inside
83.glow in the dark skull ring
84.large plastic shark, with ruby eyes, hanging toward as a earring
85.belt covered in hanging keys
86. wrestler action figure , the arms replaced with dried snakes
87. mounted and stuffed deer head, strung with Christmas lights, the eyes replaced with 8 balls
88.hotel bible , all mentions of jesus carefully twinked out and hand written in "tupac"
89.fuzzy slippers carefully attached over combat boots
90.tooth brushes molded into chain links, forming an anklet machine keypad cod piece
92. miniature gumball machine
93.armband made from a passport, open to the face page, face is screaming mass of blood and teeth
94.copper wire wig with small plaits , each plait ending with a plastic snake head
95. insinkrator crown
96. necklace of doll house doors
97. bouquet of plastic flowers , the stems fibre optic cable
98.bronze statue faces made into a bra
99. gas mask with the lenses replace with expensive camera lens
100. bracelet made from a roll of sellotape with gems and glass randomly inserted half way in

Okay I got a bunch more postpost apoc tables I'm gonna post in the next few days. Some of them might just be useable for yo


  1. man get a pdf button please!

    1. yo I tried , but it does not seem to work with blogger's stupid new interface