Wait those monsters are awesome

Print PDF so someone on tumblr wrote this
"
its 2016 and the d&d franchise has finally run out of new monsters. the creative team looks dejected.
“moss… hog?” says one tremulously. the others perk up.
“crime bird?” says another. there are audible gasps.
“sludge dragon!” another shouts. “lawful good ameobas who only eat copper statues!”
“filthy halfling! like a hobbit but covered in shit and trash.”
“sexy lady made entirely of shields. neutral evil. shield maiden.”
“dinosaur witches” “we’ve done that” “yeah but these ones are called Tyrannosaurus Hexers”
“piss pixies!”
“b… bloblins.”
the gang orders a pizza as jubilation reigns. d&d is back.

"

And it was a merry jibe against the perceived absurditys of game writers.

Which is all well and good EXCEPT IT'S NOT because those monsters are awesome. And damn it better material happens when game writers care not for absurdity*.
And most often they do care so much so, and lo they stick to the accepted fantasy classics because fuck forgive someone has anything unusual in there fantasy setting.
Also it strikes me that people are not aware of how toweringly absurd every day life is.
Like say eggs. Eggs are boring, the word egg is used to mean a loser here in choice-bro island, eggs are incorporated in wide variety of meals what ever eggs eggs eggs.
But imagine you have reached said age that you are now with never seeing an egg or its like. Now put before this hypothetical egg-naive  you (or heny for short). What the fuck is this thing? Think about its smell , it's texture, the unusual hardness and brittleness of its outer coating, the weird viscosity of it, the transparency of the egg white , the unnatural suspension of the yolk in this uncanny medium etc. Now image "heny" asks where to these things come from? And Heny is shown these horrible dinosaur looking things more or less shitting them out of their all purpose vent , both sex organ and waste vector. And the fact that the chicken extrude these things in order to grow more chickens and even if it has no had sex, it will pop out a couple of these things each day anyway. And all this is presented to Heny as the most mundane banal of things.
Piss Pixies are nothing compared to this.


*There is possible an exception to this , but right now all the monster I think are dumb , are dumb because they are boring.

Anyway I drew pictures of the monsters and blathered on about what they are:

Moss Hog

 These are lumbering detrivores that spew forth a powerful digestive enzyme allowing them to slurp up most anything. A astonishing variety of molds, fungus, moss, and lichens sprout all over their weird humped bodies. These are symbiotic , drawing out and feeding on the wide variety of toxins, contaminates and general weirdness present in the mosshogs diet, and can be a potential concentration of the magical or chemical properties in what ever the moss hog feeds on.

Blobbin

 It's like someone dipped up goblin in molten wax and it just made it worse. Not made out of wax, made out of flesh of disturbing viscosity. Attacks by throwing chucks of its self at you until there is enough of it on you to move your arm into stabbing you or you companions. Feed by slurping flesh straight of the bone.

Crime Bird on confused washing line

Crime Birds !

 The Crime bird.  Its beak is prized as a lock pick, it picks pockets, pillages houses and roosts on stolen jewellery, trading up whenever it can, the lesser stuff stashed in obscure nooks. Why is it not long dead? For one , it voids itself on its stolen goods, imparting a stink near impossible to remove, and secondly its beak, originally evolved to pluck deep borrowing rock worms, will take a eye out faster than you would believe. Lastly and most importantly ; it is a complete and utter cunning shit of a bird.

 The copper eating lawful good blob now named  Boolooboo boobooloo

 I started with a blob and started scribbling on it until art happened.  It eats copper because they think they are from a future where advanced technology ruined everything, and so they attempt to destroy all copper to prevent electronics from happening. They are not actually, they are deluded wizard experiments. They have 3 personalitys, one is the pessimist, one the optimist and one the arbiter. They attack with cold waves and static fields. They are nice enough , but sticklers for proper protocol and minimizing risk.

Trash Halflings

 So when a colossal sky whale devours an entire city it takes awhile for the huge masses of rumble and carnage to be broken down. If you are small and good at staying out of the way, you can survive a surprisingly long time. The trash halflings are descendents of halflings who managed to do just that. By constantly cladding themselves in materials resistant to the acids of the whale they manage to survive with only a small amount of insanity ,mutations and partial melding with the trash.
They can be encountered outside the stomach of a colossal sky whale , living in the Sky Whale equivalent of "Owl pellets".  These are 6 story high spheres of tightly compressed stone and metal, that are never the less riddled with tunnels, and of course the Trash Halflings. Each Scat (as is their term for a particular tribe) varies greatly in temperament,  some being zealous cannibals , seeing their expelling from the Sky Whale as a fall from Eden. Other regard it as blessing. All scat seem to have an hard time not seeing the world around them as alien however and all seek more debris to adorn themselves with.

Piss Pixie

 While certainly small, 4 limbed and mostly bipedal , the piss pixie seems named more as a horrible joke than any other resemblance to its name sake. They are appear to have something of a languid intelligence, but little drive other than sucking up sweet, vinegary or alcoholic dregs, and often fond sleeping instead a vessel used for this purpose, their form extremely rubbery and flexible.
 If menaced they defend themselves by squirting forth a horrible smelling stinging yellow fluid into the eyes of the attacker, and then slither off to hide in some  unplausible gap or nook. They lack a jaw and their face resembles a prolasped anus partially dried in the sun.
There is a uncommon poison, that is odorless and tasteless,  and makes the blood of the drinker smell overwhelming attractive to the piss pixie. They will be able to smell the victim from leagues away and wait to the victim is asleep where they will latch on with their horrible snouts and suck the blood right through the skin, like a hickey of the damned. They will not stop until the victim is bleed dry.

Shield Maiden

 Okay there was possible a good way of drawing a lady made from shields but I could not be assed and just drew one great big shield with dire contraptions extended out from it in all directions. I then after scanning decided the red and blue "action is happening" lines looked wack and inverted the whole thing because I'm really fond of that blue.
Shield Maidens are the "job" you are demoted to if you fuck up one too many times as a member of particular order of Knights Templar.
Your soul is trapped in a giant shield , appearing to live on as picture engraved on the shield and will animate the shield and its attached killing blades.
Shield Maidens are used for Sentinels, Body guards, and general "death trap training scenarios" for new recruits.
Despite the order being Lawful Good, Shield Maidens become Neutral Evil quite rapidly as they began hate the shit out of everything. This means that while they are bond to very letter of their orders, they use any leeway in sloppily worded orders to get revenge.
So Shield Maidens that are needed for more complicated missions such as body guarding or dealing with the general public , are those that are freshly minted.
The older and more bitter Shield Maidens are assigned to be Tomb Sentinels, Vault Guards and any other position where the orders can be simple and no-one has to put up with their dirty looks.
Note: If you can find out the exact wording of orders given to an elder Shield Maiden and can give the Shield Maiden a loophole in which to stick it to the Knights Templar, they will definitely take it, being far much interested in revenge than they are in the fleeting satisfaction of killing you.

Sludge Dragon

 I'm not sure what else to do with this, a glowering dripping Leviathan rising from the foul brackish depths of a hellish swamp in order to contemptuously spit ooze elementals at you is perfectly serviceable to me. Okay so the temperaments of dragons , such as avarice, sloth, rage etc. The Sludge Dragon is a paragon of draconic sloth. They do not care for anything other than sleep, and sink to the bottoms of silt choked shallow lakes and the loneliest of bogs to sleep for as long as possible. They can eat and digest near anything and when hunger rouses them just immediately devour all vegetation and animal life with in reach , gorging themselves and then submerging again
They utterly despise exertion and the only thing they despise more than this is anything that provokes them enough to bother with them. Their breathe weapon takes the form of Ooze elementals, but with an additional acid touch (H.D of ooze elemental = twice the damage dice of the Sludge Dragon) They can also effect the surface tension and viscosity of water , ooze , earth and mud, making formally solid ground act as quicksand, and make water impossible to swim in. If they can't drown or suffocate an opponent like this, they are happy to entomb them and let them starve to death

Tyrannosaurus Hex

  You are insane Wizard and you have an excess of enchantments , scar runes, and  magic tattoo designs. Oh and Tyrannous Rex.
Tyrannosaurus Hexes are what happens when you  use more or less laminate every square centimetre of a T-rex in magic wards. They are extremely dangerous , extremely unhappy and disrupt all magic around them in dangerously and unpredictably ways. Have you seen Holy Mountain ? This is your T-rex right here (the one not talking) THE WHOLE THING IS ON YOUTUBE WHAT ARE WAITING FOR? (watch it from the start after though. Well okay watch that scene with the Timothy Leary parody, then watch it from the start). Hmm maybe they are addicted to eating magic? Nah then it just makes them some kind of Disenchanter monster that seems to only exist to take stuff off the p.cs. Thinking...thinking..
Okay Tyrannosaurus Hex have a marauder phase where they just run around screaming at the new colours and eating people. But after that they realize they are intelligent and conscious and driven by the desire to formulate the fantastic new ways of magic  they can  just about grasp. The T-hex then attempts to study magic and experiment, as best as it can do with a wild magic field ( that it can learn to suppress) two dainty forearms , the mind of apex predator and no formal training what so ever.
Like an Outsider artist if art could blow things to pieces and turn those pieces into spider-wolves. And the artist was a giant bipedal killing machine.

DINOSAUR, WIGHT, THOUGHT EATER, FLIGHTLESS BIRD, TROLL, NAGA (SPIRIT)

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Troll

 D&d has pretty much sold me on trolls being gangly , wack proportioned  , flailing limbed monstrosities. Like Trollhunter was cool and all, and that  deep well of myths of lumbering oafs of cave , bridge and lonely road, but to me , they are a ludicrous green maniacs.

 

Flightless Bird

 I was going for the creepy "giant albino penguin" thing. You know like birds that start losing their birdness and reveal this quite quietly completely insane thing.  Like how horrible baby birds look, or chickens , or the look in the eye of an eagle when it is not currently killing something and that is completely flipping out internally from the outrage that there  could be a single second where it was not killing something. Like it offends its dignity.
Okay this is not that eagle. This is an awkward waddling thing that in every gesture it reminds you of all the things birds do , and it isn't doing any of them, its weird and somehow it is making you reconsider birds as normal things. They are not. They have a single claw in the middle of their face and no other features to speak off, except 2 unblinking eyes on either side of their heads. They make more noise than seems possibly for their size. They do not have hair, instead they have these absurdly elaborate structures  called feathers which they shed like they shit, ie all the time. And lastly the feet , which have been the go-to for monster feet for countless artists in countless artists. Because they are monster feet.

Wight

 Comparing Wights to Vampires, I can imagine both being a menacing solo monster , the bane of a spooky village. The vampire will talk , and it will charm and it will surround itself in the trappings of wealth, and then shock with its bestial bloodily hunger .
The wight will climb out of bog and scream and kill and scream and kill and make more wights and they will scream and kill and then just lie down in the torn up bodies and soiled food and ruins and just lie there for years and years until someone else shows up to scream and kill and scream. It is an entirely intelligent being that acts in such a way that it would be delusional to describe as bestial, for that suggests something that approaches being relatable .

See The Grudge, The Ring etc

Dinosaur

 Man this guy came out so cute I don't even know.  Did you know that the t-rex in the original monster manual has a claw/claw/bite attack? MADNESS

Spirit Naga

 There is 3 kinds of naga in the book they all somehow fail at being interesting . Like their schtick is being a snake or having snake like stuff. There is already snakes to spit poison and bit poison blah. They need something their own. Mythologically I'm really vague on them, but they strike me as one of those creatures that gets defined as this one thing, when it's actually like trying to define a jerk or a fuckhead.
Like Taniwha , or fairies, or Oni, or Jinn,( or dragon for that matter)
Some white dude just wants to have a nice clear picture of  what they look like for the "The lads big  book of ignorant superstitions  of the colonies" and here is all these people going

 "well some fuckheads are fuckheads because they steal your shit. But other fuckheads are fuckheads because they piss snakes under your bed. But this guy I know had a fuckhead working for him, and he was great. He still was a fuckhead though. What ? No he didn't have a goat-ass for a face. What gave you that idea? I said he was a fuckhead not a shitwipe. You're getting confused with that shitwipe who had a goatass for a face, because he was a fuckhead as well, seeing as his mother was a massive bitch and his dad was the north wind."

I thought spirit naga had stingers but that is dark naga. I gave it a stinger anyhow but then decided to ditch it and use it for a scorpion. Try drawing a snake with a scorpion stinger, it's really awkward some how.

Thought Eater

Quick (rhetorical) quiz: what powers did the brain mole , thought eater , and intellect devourer have? Can't remember? Me never.

In other news I have my camera again. I still hate it. Oh and I'm doing a residency at the Concerned Citizens Collective in Wellington for the month of March. Won't be these guys though will be this stuff http://www.kludgewitch.blogspot.co.nz/

Zoom zoom crash

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10 points if you get the song reference.


Quick post, Monster Johnston did this derpicore thing, and this was something else I did for it. Maybe he included it here already?  Yes he did.
But I'mma post it again anyway. It took me like a whole ten minutes to think up, coz that was the whole entire of the game. Badger other people to make wack mechanics or material for your use with a limited time frame to do so. In exchange you agree to be a badger target for other people.

It's a great game, I recommend it.



CHASE SCENE!

First you need to know how fast you are going.
flying at brisk walk is 1d1
human running speed is a d4
horse trotting (cantering maybe?) is a d6
fly spell is a d8
broomsticks/flying carpets is a d10
rocketized versions of these is a d12
something faster than that d14
but wait even more absurdly fast  is a d20
as above but with sweet paint job d30

(alternate version: assign die based on who is in the race right now, and not objectively. So If everyone has a horse then all the average horses get a d8, all the ponys get a d6 and all the mighty chargers get a d10. Or even more delineated if needed )
.
Each chase participant rolls their dice each round. Highest gets furtherest ahead.

You can choose to roll a dice any size smaller than you would normally.
YOu can also choose to roll a dice size one bigger than you would normally, but on the next round you have to roll one smaller.

Because every round the d.m is rolling an obstacle die. If your roll is higher than the d.ms you have  bounced off or directly collided into something. You take damage = what the your die rolled and must make a dex check or come to a complete stop. You also take additional damage = how much you failed the dex check by. Modify this check by your (or mode of transports, which ever is bigger) size modifier (if any).

Needless extra complication bit:
If it you are around about the same size  as you form of transport, you both take damage. IF you are a lot bigger than your  mode of transport, then just you takes damage, unless you roll a 20 on the dex check, in which case you both take the damage. IF you roll exactly your dex, then just your mode of transport takes the damage.
If your mode of transport is atleast twice your size then split the damage 50/50, unless you roll a 20 on that dex check, in which case just you.

If you succeeded the dex check you are still in the race!

The size of the obstacle die depends on how much crap is the way. A typically sparse but with a few potential ghetto brakes room is a d20.
Examples of this would a large dining room, a big cave with a few stalagmites, a village street on a quiet night.

etc etc

and on the other end of the scale is a crowded market place or a dense jungle which is a d4.
The forests of endor would be a d12 . Wait which would make speeder bikes have a bout a 50/50 chance of crashing into something each round. I don't care.

OKAY RULE FOR LONGER RACES EVERYONE GETS TO ROLL TWICE AND CHOOSE WHAT RESULT THEY WANT TO USE AND THEY CAN CHOOSE AFTER THE OBSTACLE DIE IS ROLLED UNLESS VIEWING CONDITIONS ARE BAD
OR something. Whatever you get  the idea.

Unlikely Weapons

Print PDF My camera is borrowed and poorly returned, ie it has not yet.
But I made these not that recently ago and now you can look at shitty webcam pictures of them

I AM A THOUGHT EATER GRR

GRR AM A TROLL

AND I AM ALL WIGHT

YAY PIGGY BACK RIDES (you are a down a level mr troll)

THAT WAS FREAKING EXCITING NO?

Anyway here are some quick weapon ideas for esoteric/exotic/just plain goofy weapons for your sinister underworld raiders or jaded whimsy-knights of a twilight empire of sin and body paint.


THE DANCER
it's a giant spinning top with lacerating ribbons.  About half metre in height, the lacerating ribbons only emerge at when it reaches its range (skilled user chooses up 10 metres away) Exotic training means it always comes back to the trained user. It inflicts 1d8 damage to a 5 foot area (dex save for none) then moves next round to another area ( via scatter diagram) and then returns on the 3rd.
Untrained use means in a complete random direction. If you use it in at least 10 battles you count as skilled in  its use when you gain a level. Or whatever weapon training rules you may or may not have.
Can be used as a Meteor Hammer as well.


other versions include The Nipper which are fist sized spinning tops with razor edges. Resolve a normal attack  (inflicting 1d4 damage) on anyone up to 15 metres away then pick any spot up to its max range where it will explode for 1d8 damage (dex save for none) in a 1.5 metre radius.

and the SMILING CHAIR
which is one big enough to ride on. Riding on it means you move 1d6 metres in a random direction and then 1d6 metres in another direction each round. It inflicts 1d12 damage on anyone in it's path (dex save for none)

MADMAN'S LANCE
I'll be straight with you, this is a weaponized pole for pole vaulting. It is made from something like metal but more like wood, 3 metres long and sharp at the ends, its resilience and flexibility gives it a dangerous snap in the hands of some insane enough to use it on a regular basis. 1d6 piercing or blunt damage at mid range, but 1d8 piercing or 1d10 blunt if used on opponents just within reach. If used to pole vault with, it extends the length and height of the wielder by 5 metres. Attempting to impale someone on landing counts as a charge and additionally the lance does 1d12 (piercing) damage but roll twice and take the best result.

FLYING GUILLOTINE
Counts as thrown weapon and does a d8 damage, but on a natural 20 it does a d20 damage.
A what?
Question; why did Neu not make all their music like that?
I don't know. I really really don't.

SLUNG SHOT:
Basically a rock on a rope. A short section of rope with a heavy object held in place with a monkey's fist knot (or a real monkeys fist because magic)  Either used by swinging it around or coiling it in a tight spiral and then snapping it out. The later use made it very popular as a sudden attack concealed weapon. You can
have all nice all coiled up in a pocket or your sleeve and then snap it right into someones face. Popular with Sailors, Chinese Peasants, and Irish immigrants. Basically anyone  not allowed a real weapon.
Fantasy variants could include dangerous monster organs at the end or just a real monkeys hand that latches onto your face and pulls it off.

DOG GUN
This is a dog warped by strange magics until it looks like a prolapsed tumor  It can shoot forward a harpoon tongue up to 10 metres away. 1d8 damage plus your charisma modifier, coz if the dog likes you it does a better job at attacking things.  You use your charisma modifier instead of your dex to hit stuff as well.
This is assuming you are feeding it, and cooing creepily to it. You are cooing creepily to it aren't you?

GAS POWERED STICK:
This is a club with an implausible engine attached to it. It uses about a litre of gas per 5 rounds of gas powered stick action. It acts as club +1 and you get an additional attack per round.
If petrol is not available it will accept any flammablish liquid(ish) but it become more unstable.
Pure alcohol , meths , turpentine or burning oil means it goes haywire on a 1. Lamp oil or high percentage alcohol means it goes haywire on 1,2  Raw fat, butter, beer, or coconut oil means it goes haywire on 1,2,3
Putting a random potion means it inflicts the effects of wand of wonder upon impact then expodes a round later for 2d8 points of damage in 3 metre area.

Gaspowerstickhaywiretable:
1d8
1:explodes,as above
2:fills the room with choking black smoke, con sav or be stunned, visibility impaired
3:resolve an attack on everyone within reach
4:as above but resolve one on your self as well.
5:Resolve a d4 attacks on yourself
6:Gaspowered stick rockets out of your hand in a random direction , and then explodes on impact.
7.Gaspowered stick emits a puff of smoke in pathetic manner, works never more.
8.As above but 1d6 rounds later roll again on this table.

MERCYS SHADE:
It's a weaponized umbrella, made out of fancy arcane metals. It can be a shield or a staff, you can deflect one projectile with a successful dex save by open it quickly. It also arrest a fall to a gentle descent if held aloft open.

SCREAMING SKULL
It's animate screaming still kinda flesh skull on the end of staff. It screams whenever it is used, which causes a morale check the first time it is used. Damage is a d8+1 from impact and the skull taking bites out of the target.

Here is a bunch of pictures I drawed NOW WITH NOTES

Print PDF I have drawn pictures. I might come back to this post and elaborate more on , like, "design" decisions, but for now, pictures. NOW WITH NOTES

Aerial Servant
 

I wrote a lyric from "road to nowhere" from talking heads.  It's resentful cloud dude. I like elementals , like they are boring kinda, but because visually "elements" have a real obvious iconic short-hand to them, and it's not that exciting. Like if you picture a picture of waves or flames, it's not that exciting , but if you imagine or are looking at actually flames or a wave , there is a huge amount going on and it's real exciting. Same with storm clouds or earth (if it's moving around, although visible strata and evident geological mayhem makes even still earth interesting).

That brings up a bigger thing with the balancing act between taking the time and energy to describe something versus getting understanding across quickly. With the contested ground between the two ends of the spectrum being the players "what can I do with this?" perspective.
I imagine there are some players that are happy to sit there and immerse themselves passively as listeners, but I notice most seem to be wanting to immerse themselves by interacting with stuff ASAFP.
So if you say "it's a giant worm" it risks being boring because whatever a giant worm, BUT the player instantly has a grasp on what is in front of them and can respond to it.
While "thrusting out of the side of the packed dank earth comes a blind head , insinuating* toward you with vile peristaltic motions , the end of it waving roundly, an idiot motion , but with purpose and most of all hunger" is long to say, slower to grasp that it's a big worm, in some cases might detract from the player understanding what they have to work with, BUT in some cases, giving inspiration for interaction.
For example , in the above example, it might make it more obvious that the worm is slave to base instinct , and can be lured / aimed someone advantageous to the players  if they can figure out how it senses them.

Cloud Giant

A giant on a cloud is a grand fairy tale, but not particular shaped for gritty/and or plausiblesque settings. But weird awkward lost "ancient alien original star trek throw you all in crystal labyrinth because of ancient alien stuff" ? Shit I don't know, maybe?
This was the sketch I was basing the cloud giant off that I made recently, but it wound up being a weird moth owl head thing. I can imagine these guys have glowing organs, translucent skin and glowing eyes and stalk the earth on cloudy nights. Maybe in bestial sleep walking fugue.

Dinosaur

I like Combichrist songs  when he's not bitching about his exes. So that's like 6 songs. The biggest prob about using dinosaurs is trying to say their latin names. Or thinking up alternate names that are not "thunder tail" or "Jump Spiker". Yui Gi Oh might be a good source of possible names. Well names anyway, good names is debatable. Evidence for the For team . Evidence for the Against team

Axebeak

I like birds. Birds monsters can be a great mix of absurd and horrible. There is a bird at the end of Bugz life, Link here , that shows how horrible something the size of a house moving that fast would be. Especially the bird "stop/start" almost stop motion movement. Axebeaks I can never decide to make them highly strung hyper active style skinny birds or bruiser muscular Titanis
birds , horribly belligerent and aggressive. Chokobos do not get a look in.

Giant Toad

I remember as a kid watching a frog eat a smaller frog with air of complete indifference, the smaller frogs legs sticking out from its mouth, and it just holding it there for the longest time, not even bothering to take another bite. And that toads/frogs just seem  to be a hatch straight to their stomach and the burning smothering death there. Fuck those guys. Also what this guy said

Doppelganger

Are Doppelgangers better as cunning Hannibal Lecter types or pitiful semi-mindless except when they think they are some else types?
I don't know. I also don't know if they are cooler as horrible silly putty blank faces or blurry overlayed "can't quite look at it always seems to be something else" faces/

Glabrezu

I think I have mentioned before the contrast fun of the Glaberzus big pincer arms and delicate dog human hands. (shit is it Glaberzu or Glaberzu?) Seems to exemplify the cunning Iagoness of the Glaberzu with barely contained constant violent impulse of a Tanar'ir.

Goblin

"When this is over, when this is over I'M GONNA SLEEP!" "Your Boot in MY face , is what keeps my alive" Goblins as a big black song about the works of Raymond Chandler; discuss.
(also Goblin is a great word , and makes a decent prefix, "goblins spiders etc)

Fire Giant

Lets ignore the mess of perspective happening in the crotch area and focus instead on coal skinned hairless giants with gold body paint.

Hill Giant

Why are their not more giants drawn with Mr Twit beards and beer guts? Beard has a high chance of having treasure and oversized vermin.

Ooze mount

The missing drawing from here

Thought Eater

I gave it filter feeder style teeth. Also continues the idea of "you can tell its magic because it look complete shit from a engineering perspective" mentioned in that wands post.

Stone Giant

Stone Giants are actually inflicted with horrible ossified wart structures that make great protective camouflage if they live in a quarry. Here is a far more horrible human variety 

Peryton

hey I wonder what this looks like with the colour inverted?

Titianothere

Variations on the Rhinoceros. This one is bigger and makes a better battering ram.

Titan

True Ogre was awesome in Tekken 3. Also this

Trapper

Hey these are suddenly improved to me if I give them a face and decide that they pretend to be a floor before killing and eating because its fun.

Rather than "there has been so much dungeons evolution and wizards happened"

Treent

Never trust a tree.

Triton

I think I did a good job on suggesting the tritons a face that looks like  a face by accident, like the under side of a sting ray.

Troglodyte

If you look at how horrible living underground makes things look and apply it to lizardmen, it's a good direction for troglodyte. I think I coulda gone further though, but I just liked this one.

Troll

I like how a d&d troll is hella iconic but is far from the first image other people have of trolls.  (although now it's prob one of those dumb meme faces) Thank Trampier and Three Hearts and  Three Lions for that.

Giant Turtle

Giant turtles are such a wealth of bio-architectural opportunity. I have ignore this in this drawing. But yeah, just saying.

Unicorn

Hey Ian, when are you gonna do that Unicorn post? Unicorns are so iconic loaded it's a thing. I have no idea what kind of thing , but a thing none the less. One could talk about unicorns and porns and their constant subversion and semi-ironic reclaimations in the media and how it reflects a crisis and reshifting of understanding of gender. Not me though because I don't care.

Umberhulk

Umberhulks! I love things with aspects of beetles and aspects of gorillas , especially if they look nothing like either. Those things in the dark crystal did a great job of the terrifying visual noise an insect is with its legs and mouthparts and antenna and how little it fits into a human easy visual reference tag box thing.
Umberhulk is a word that sounds great and makes little sense when you examine it's components. So in other words perfect. 

Giant Wasp

Wasps used to give me the shits as a kid. Now it's just centipedes. Fuck centipedes. "HEY I'M TAPING INTO BOTH THE INSTINCTIVE FEAR OF SNAKES AND MANY LEGGED THINGS ALSO MY LEGS LOOK LIKE FANGS" Although snakes don't hit that fear button for me though. Baby chimpanzees have an instinctive fear response to shadows of hawks (and not other birds) even if raised in captivity. It's likely that humans have similar hard wired responses, and possible mis-wired in the case of phobias.
There is a centipede that penetrates you skin with all its legs, leaving a trail of red dots. If it get bored/freaked out it drops poison and walks it into you skin. I can't find a reference for that right now.  I did find this though
  A 19th century Tibetan poet warned his fellow Buddhists that "if you enjoy frightening others, you will be reborn as a centipede."

Will O Wisp

People always like to link Will o Wisps to other creatures life cycles. How about the entire swamp is alive and generates will o wisps for fun?

Water Weird

Imma water that wants to be inside you

Whale

Splish imma whale

Wind Walker

How much cool would these things be if they were radioactive as well as invisible?

Wolf

That effect is caused either by the paper warping because there is too much ink on it, or biro ink reflecting the light. I like it but really should make more of an effort to control it though

Wolverine

Xorn

Xorn xorn xorn xorn xorn! Xorn , xorn xorn? Xorn.

Wraith

Wraith is cool word. So is a ghost made of hate.

Wyvern

Making wyvern's discount dragons, is missed chance to make another horrible flying steed for your horrible barbarian cult tribes

Yeti

"but human enough that the word cannibalistic still seems to apply" fuck yeah.
Also furry creatures that are filthy with gore is a visual gold mine. Double also the Shammblers from Quake (the first game)


*fuck yeah gormenghast